Some Matches

17 05 2015

York City 1 Cheltenham Town 0
League Two

I saw the last ten minutes of the match, we were on a coach trip and the coach park was nearby.


FC United of Manchester 1 Curzon Ashton 1
Northern Premier League

A win was needed for the promotion push, a win didn’t arrive.


Wales 1 Slovakia 2
Women’s international friendly

Wales didn’t win.


Witton Albion 0 FC United of Manchester 0
Northern Premier League

A win was needed for the promotion push, a win didn’t arrive.


Bangor City 1 Connah’s Quay 2
Welsh Premier League

We lost another match to Connah’s Quay and they’re terrible. I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve the ignominy.


Bangor University v Aberystwyth University (I don’t care what the score was)
2015 Varsity Thing

Posh students, wearing a “University Golf Club” jacket and slip on shoes, bantered about the opposition’s goalkeeper’s mother being a whore, too many unnaturally confident young people called me mate. I was a steward and the experience was worst I’ve had in this interminable Nantporth season by a considerable distance.


Prestatyn Town 1 Bangor City 3
Welsh Premier League

Bangor City safe on the pitch. Prestatyn gone, good riddance, too many chips on too many shoulders.


Bangor City 4 Rhyl 3
Welsh Premier League

The most exciting match I’ve seen all season, Bangor’s two late late goals looked to have prevented Rhyl’s European play-off hopes. The convoluted FAW ideas mean that the issue wouldn’t become clear until after the Welsh Cup final.


Llandudno Albion 3 Rhyl Town 1
Some Cup

It’s not often that you watch a match and think “I can do that”, today was the day I could say that.


FC United of Manchester 3 Invitational XI 2
Test Event for Broadhurst Park

I’ve never been to a test event before, I hope they’re all as good for the soul as this one was.


Some memories, like what I have got

30 09 2014

There will now follow a series of short match reports and photos.

Bangor City 4 Penycae 0

Half of Penycae’s team used to play for Bangor and they play in slate grey.

Aug 20 043

Llandudno 1 Tranmere XI 0

Some of Llandudno’s younger fans thought there was something funny in the fact that Home Bargains sponsor Tranmere, incidentally Llandudno have a new plastic pitch.

Aug 20 082

Bangor City 0 Lancaster City 0

Darren Peacock was the opposition manager and Lancaster brought a few fans.

27 July 042

Colwyn Bay 4 Bala Town 2

I don’t like either of these clubs. I didn’t know why I bothered going until I found some FC United fanzines in the club shop.

Jul 31 002

AFC Telford United 4 FC United 1

A waterlogged pitch in August, a waterlogged pitch in August?

Aug 3 086

Bangor City 4 Llanrwst United 1

I saw the European trophies in the afternoon and left at half time.

Aug 6 025

Hamilton Academical 0 Inverness Caledonian Thistle 2
Scottish Premiership

Hamilton looks like a nice place, no-one asked me who I was.

Aug 9 068

Aug 9 198

Aug 9 251

Dagenham & Redbridge 6 Brentford 6
(Brentford won on penalties)
English League Cup

I’ve never seen a 6-6 draw before. People looked at me like I had two heads and I saw a supermarket that looked like a pub near the station.

Aug 13 100

Aug 13 103

Aug 13 124

Aug 13 133

Bangor City 3 Newtown 1
Welsh League Cup

No-one felt positive before the match. Then we won and people felt better.

Aug 16 018

FC United 1 Buxton Town 1
Northern Premier League Premier Division

Not much happened but FC could have scored a couple more goals.

aUG 20 100

XXX XXX XXXXXX X Bangor City 0
Welsh Premier League

A match happened this evening. A boycott also happened.

Bangor City 1 Newtown 3
Welsh Premier League

Ten days earlier we beat Newtown well, today we didn’t. Bollocks.

Aug 25 020

Aberystwyth Town 3 Bangor City 3
Welsh Premier League

Our first point of the season. I would have been there to see it if the traffic jam in Rhyl hadn’t caused me to miss the train to Shrewsbury.

Bangor City 2 Cefn Druids 1
Welsh League Cup

We’re on a hot League Cup streak this season!

Sept 6 001

Bangor City 1 Airbus 2
Welsh Premier League

I missed this game for a reason I wont explain. I don’t have to explain, you’re not my mother.

Marine 0 FC United 0
Northern Premier League Premier Division

No goals but I got a lovely anti-racism badge from a steward and a fantastic polo shirt from a shop in central Liverpool. By the station a scally thought there was something funny in my red adidas trainers. He’ll never deliver a withering critique of Werner Herzog’s latest film on Newsnight’s Late Review so his words were pointless.

Sept 6 072

Prestatyn Town Airbus UK Broughton 2
Welsh Premier League

Bored, bored, bored, sunny but bored. Prestayn lost. Ha ha ha.

sep 13 022

Rhyl 3 Bangor City 2
Welsh Premier League

After twenty minutes Bangor were 2-0 up, Rhyl went 3-2 up in the 87th minute.

sept 20 003

Bangor City 3 Prestatyn Town 3
Welsh Premier League

Another week, another two goal lead lost. This time 3-1. It had to be them, it had to be them.

sept 20 011

FC United 3 Grantham Town 1
Northern Premier League Premier Division

A win for a club I want to win, will wonders never cease?

sept 20 075

Connah’s Quay Nomads A Bangor City A
Welsh Premier League

Bangor were winning 1-0 when the floodlights went off. They didn’t come back on. I hesitate to use the word conspiracy but Bangor still haven’t won a league match this season.

Sept 26 011

Blackpool 1 Norwich City 3
The Championship

I’m not sure Blackpool deserved to lose 3-1, Blackpool’s stoical fans didn’t take the defeat too badly.

27 Sept 079

Some matches what I went to

24 05 2014
Airbus UK 0 Bangor City 1
Welsh Premier League

Another away win against the club that’s too far ahead to catch. Les’ last minute winner prompted several questions; “What might have been?”…”Why couldn’t we beat the so-called easier teams?”….”Why can’t I celebrate without nearly dislocating two knuckles?”. The scallies that have attached themselves to Airbus still aren’t funny, even with their drum and ridiculous teenaged posturing.

Here’s one of Airbus’ bald corners.

apr 15 855

Bangor City 3 Prestatyn Town 1
North Wales Coast FA Challenge Cup Quarter Final

This match has been rearranged 3 times already and now it was being played on Welsh Cup semi final day. We’re basically playing an unwanted match on the day we’re usually playing in a Welsh Cup semi final, Welsh domestic football has never appeared more desperate. Having said that our mostly youth team beat their mostly first team in an exciting match. Craig Whelan, the son of club legend Paul, scored the winner.

apr 15 864

Newtown 3 Bangor City 1
Welsh Premier League

An utterly horrible afternoon from start to finish; injuries, missed chances, a lacklustre performance, irritating teenagers in Jack Wills mouthing off, a nagging sensation that this season could get even worse. Fuck Football.

apr 15 870

Bangor City 1 XXX XXX XXXXXX X
Welsh Premier League

A match happened on this afternoon.

FC United 3 Ashton United 2
Northern Premier League Premier Division

There aren’t many times you can go to a match, get a signed copy of a club’s history, make a donation to a food bank and see a last minute winner after a club’s been 2-0 down after half an hour. At FC United matches you can do all that!

Apr 21 050

Apr 21 108

Apr 21 115

Bangor City 2 Rhyl 0
Welsh Premier League

In order to enjoy home advantage in the play offs we needed to win and hope that Carmarthen lost to XXX XXX XXXXXX. About half an hour before kick off we realised that the situation wouldn’t be resolved today as Carmarthen’s match had, rather unbelievably, suffered a postponement due to a waterlogged pitch. We still did our part by beating Rhyl quite easily. Needless to say, this didn’t go down very well with some of their fans.

Apr 26 040

Carmarthen Town 1 XXX XXX XXXXXX X
Welsh Premier League

I’m not saying there’s anything fishy about XXX XXX XXXXXX letting Carmarthen win and handing them home advantage in the play offs. I’m not saying it’s fishy that Bangor only finished fourth on goal difference. There’s nothing fishy in XXX XXX XXXXXX beating Bangor 9-1 on Good Friday then losing 1-0 to the team that was below them 10 days later. There’s nothing remotely fishy in this situation at all.

Wales 4 Montenegro 0
FIFA Women’s World Cup Qualifier (at Nantporth)

Bloody hell Wales not only won an international, it was a convincing win in a world cup qualifier!

may 8 031

may 8 059

Bangor City 1 Newtown 0
Europa League Play Off Semi Final

After last year’s timid capitulation to Bala this match was never going to be anything other than a nervous experience. Before the match there was talk of Bangor City being in Shit Street without the money from the Europa League.

Then Chris Jones was through, on his own. He was sprinting towards the area with the ball at his feet, the pause before glory made the glory taste even better. We Won!!!!!!! We won, we won. WE FUCKING WON!!!!

Yeah and Rhyl beat Carmarthen 6-1 away, so someone’s little plan had backfired!! Ha!

May 10 006

May 10 015

Bangor City 2 Caernarfon Town 2
(Caernarfon won 5-3 on penalties)
North Wales Coast FA Challenge Cup Final

A big well done to the Cofis and their excitable fans. #COFIARMY #BESTFANSINWALES. They were so happy after seeing their club win a trophy against fans that weren’t really bothered by the result – bigger fish to fry –  they invaded the pitch and tried to attack Bangor fans. #COFIARMY #BESTFANSINWALES. Their reaction may have been a reaction to the match events as basically Caernarfon’s first team was held by Bangor’s youth team for 120 minutes. #COFIARMY #BESTFANSINWALES. Mind you it wasn’t just that, their 11 players were held for over 90 minutes by 10 younger players that attacked right until the end of extra time. Well done Cofis, you’ve had a victory that no one apart from yourselves cares about. #COFIARMY #BESTFANSINWALES.

See how the #COFIARMY #BESTFANSINWALES threw flares on the pitch like proper fans!! Nice one Cofis!!! #COFIARMY #BESTFANSINWALES.

May14 001

Bangor City 2 Rhyl 0
Europa League Play Off Final

A rather tense day became the day that Nantporth finally felt like home. My powers of explanation can’t do this day justice, “One of the good days” will have to do until I’ve had a bit of think. It was good to meet Matt, the power behind the Lost Boyos.

17 May 001

17 May 058

17 May 062

17 May 077


Some Bangor City reports

8 05 2012
Llanelli 0 Bangor City 1
Welsh Premier League
11/ 2/12

This was a day for the good guys, the kind of day that makes a season, the kind of day that makes having an interest in football seem worthwhile . On days such as these the little details make things memorable; the early rise, the long journey down amongst nice people, the sights and sounds on the train, the “Over 55” train discount enjoyed by all members of our group without exception (apart from me of course), the taxi drivers full of local character and bonhomie, the excellently personalised service in Llanelli’s club house, the homeward bound feast that included sushi. Above all it’s the quality moidering that brings the day together. Just in case you’re unaware of the term “moidering” I’ll refer you to the urban dictionary.” Moidering” is;

“N. Wales general street catch-all term meaning, variously, to ‘talk nonsense’; ‘to corner someone and batter their head with words’

Days like this earn nicknames, on days like this people earn nicknames. Today saw the birth of the “Over 55 Ultras!!”

The central detail of the day, Bangor’s last minute winner, brought everything together beautifully. It was a sweet, sweet, sweet moment, as last minute winners are wont to be. The last minute winner should have been a glorious moment in its own right, within the context of Bangor City’s season it was a really glorious moment. When you add the bitter disappointment that enveloped my last two visits to Llanelli, for example last season Llanelli scored in the sixth of three injury time minutes, it became an extremely glorious moment.

There were several more reasons to bask in the glorious result. Firstly, we remained at the top of the league. Secondly, it was the first time that I’d seen Bangor City win in Stebonheath. Thirdly, after last season’s debacle it was sweet to see roles reversed. Lastly, after a fairly turgid match and a day of travel it was great to see a win.

The last minute of matches can be magical, transforming doom and despair into altogether happier feelings circumstances. One second you may be wondering why you came, you’ll be stressing about getting back to the station and annoyed about more dropped points. Everything feels as though it’s too much trouble. When a goal is scored a few seconds after the grey thoughts you’re then jumping around the terrace a-whooping and a-hollaring. In these changed circumstances the journey home becomes a long period of glorious remembrance and joyful moidering. The “Over 55 Ultras” certainly had a fine journey back.

Bala Town 0 Bangor City 1
Welsh Premier League

If you’re ever planning a journey to Bala in the back of an SUV here are some tips. Firstly; don’t go to Bala in the back of an SUV, the same goes for travelling in a minibus. Secondly, if you have no other option apart from travelling by SUV, or minibus, keep the horizon in view at all times. Lastly, if you’re planning to meet people find out where people are meeting up before you get to Bala’s high street otherwise you’ll spend 20 minutes going around all the pubs.

During the match the Blue Army realised that the negative reports about Bala’s pitch were not exaggerated; after only a few minutes the pitch was “cutting up”, as the cliché says. By the end of the match it would not be an exaggeration to say that parts of the pitch looked like the Glastonbury festival site after the annual rain-drenched orgy of music and drinking.

If you bore the pitch in mind, as well as the fact that Lee Hunt was throwing himself around up front, Bangor did well to win this match.

Bangor City 1 Neath FC 3
Welsh Premier League

I don’t only play “Nimby Bingo” on trains I also play a game called “Short Fuse”. The rules of “Short Fuse” are very simple;

1. Find a seat with a table in front of it.

2. Sit on the seat and wait for the game to begin. (At this stage the game either happens, or it doesn’t – For the game to take place you need people sitting near  your seat.)

3. When the people are talking you need to listen to what they are saying. (This won’t be a problem as inconsiderate fuckers always communicate that little bit too loudly,)

4. Start reading.

5. Time how quickly you want to rip the book in two.

The competitive part of the game is to break your previous time. I think I broke my record today so before I go further I must say that because my success had some assistance I must pay tribute to those that helped. So I’d like to say a big thank you the fucking students that sat across from me on the train.

In my time playing this game I have found that the self-centred shite emanating from students’ mouths is good fuel for the game.). It’s the way they all speak in that typical student manner;  sentences liberally peppered with  “like”, condensing complex ideas into two words “……..and stuff” and ending sentences with a rising lilt. I believe the language is called “Trying to sound profound whilst annoying every fucker as they do it”. Students usually ejaculate such good quality shite you can go from nought to pissed off in about 3 and half minutes.  By the way self-opinionated Tory twats and self-appointed comedians also provide good fuel for the game.

In today’s worry-clad economic climate there’s nothing better than hearing people tell you that they were “So smashed in Rome I nearly missed their flight to Nice!!!” so it was lucky I was sitting next to some lovely travelling companions. Here are the very edited highlights of their wonderful adventures;

“Was it last year that we went travelling in Asia, or the year before?”

“Yeah it was just after we got back from Israel” (Avoiding mention of the imperialist connotations of Israeli society)

“Bestival was like sooooooooooo good this year”

“When we were travelling (said with the tone that say it’s my inalienable human right to experience the world like this) on the West Coast I loved it in “San Fran”

There’s nothing finer for demonstrating the decadence of our age than students comparing life experiences. It’s not so much that they’d done everything they have, it’s the fact that they had to involve everybody else in their loud passive-aggressive battles of coolness.

Unfortunately this wasn’t the first time that really annoying people really annoyed me today; Neath’s players managed to go into a 3-0 lead by half-time. This was most disconcerting as I’d been mentally prepared for Bangor to be 7 points clear of XXX XXX XXXXXX. (dependent on other results obviously.)

It’s funny how things annoy during one set of circumstances but amuse during another set of circumstances. For example Lee Trundle’s ongoing battle with gravity is rather amusing when Neath are losing to Bangor but very annoying when Bangor are  losing 3-0. When you’re losing 3-0 you also start to notice other little things as well, like how Trundle can’t resist trying to referee the match. The match wasn’t much better in the second half, Bangor scored early in the second half but the second goal didn’t come.

In truth Bangor were well beaten. Unfortunately because XXX XXX XXXXXX won we were now only one point ahead of them. However, I was still hopeful, all Bangor needed to do was beat XXX XXX XXXXXX next week and the gap between us and them would be back up to 4 points. I knew this would happen.

Bangor City 1 XXX XXX XXXXXX X
Welsh Premier League

A match happened on this afternoon.

Winter sets in eventually

20 12 2010
Bangor City 8 Port Talbot Town 1
Welsh Premier League

This was the match the gods wanted to stop. First the cold weather god brought the frost. Then the wet weather god brought patchy flooding via rain. Then the electricity god gave us a power cut. Consequently the hour before kick off saw Farrar Road filled by people with pensive faces and men with industrial size brooms sweeping water off the pitch. The pitch looked fine to our untrained eye but the match was in doubt. Some people were heard muttering about political correctness and what would have happened in their day. After the cliched “endless deliberations” the pitch was passed fit, which meant all we had wait for were the lights. The match would start but would we see the end?

Whilst the match took place in front of me I was afflicted by the strange sensation of deja vu. My affliction was the fault of  Britain’s discounted bookshops as they  offer so many bargains for the book lover. Earlier in the week I’d bought “Roy of the Rovers; The 1970s” for £2.99 and Art mirrored reality to a disturbing degree.

The main season featured in the compilation was marked by a lengthy unbeaten run for Melchester Rovers. During this season the fans constantly fretted about whether they’d keep it up, just like I do! In the Melchester stands there were constant worries about the opponents taken too lightly, just like the message board! Even optimistic Dylan said today would be tough. Bangor’s keeper slipped to let Port Talbot have a score, Melchester’s keeper did that in several matches in the book. Lack of sleep and 1970s comics cause terrible problems for one’s perception of reality.

Then real reality took over. Reedy gave what can only be described as a “Roy of the Rovers” performance; he scored 5 of Bangor 8 goals. The last one was particularly cute; a flick past the keeper with his back to goal. Peter Hoy football genius scored a double and Garside scored as well. There was a connecetion with 1970s comics in the match, Bangor’s players required Roy Race-esque heroism to remain upright. The pitch may have looked eminently playable before the game but as soon as the players started splish sploshing around you realised just how much water was stored in the turf. To put this another way; the preponderance of precipitation produced puddles yet Bangor’s play personified panache. The touch and balance of the Bangor players was exquisite. Every  flick, touch, pass or positioning decision was deftly executed. If Alan Partridge were commentating he would have dubbed our performance as “Liquid Football”, and not just because the spectators were sopping wet. The football certainly didn’t dampen the enthusiasm of the crowd.

Bangor not only hit their fluid stride they also took advantage of some weak parrying by the keeper and some disorganisation in the away defence. If there was a dubious goals panel in Wales, at least two of Bangor’s goals could have been deemed own goals. Unlike some of the more excitable fans gloating didn’t sit well with the Jet Set.

Firstly another inexperienced brother goalkeeper was in distress. Secondly the Jet Set enjoys such bonhomie with the Port Talbot ultras that there was no honour in celebrating too much. We enjoyed a good chat with Nigel as well as a sneaky tot of firewater. During our chat some Smart Aleck made a twatty comment, as if Nigel and the rest of the Ultras were idots. What bad form! But then there are always some idiots.

Despite conceding goal after goal their trumpeter still trumpeted and the PTFC Ultras still sang. They were still going at 8-1 down. They even sang “Oh aye , we are Bangor aye” in tribute. Unfortunately the Jet Set couldn’t make it up to the Regency for the drinking session with the Ultras and much comradely behaviour. We hope to see them in the scintillating six after Christmas. 

Aberystwyth Town 1 Bangor City 3
Welsh Premier League

With Britain suffering a plague of bad weather (due to the election of a Conservative government) we couldn’t feel sure that this match would go ahead. Other games had been postponed in the last week so we couldn’t help but worry. Once I was waiting for the coach I  knew it was on, I was finally able  to revel in the fact that we were on the favourite jaunt of  the Bangor City Ultras. Festive cheer added to the enjoyment.

A few hours after leaving Bangor we were in Aber’s charming hostelries, which is easily done as Aber is choc full of ’em. Cold drink followed cold drink and the anticipation of more glory built appreciably. This could be another of our days! As we basked in the warm alcohol-induced euphoria Jet Set doubts about the winning run resurfaced. Were the worries related to the fishcake with the odd taste?

At first the ground was cold and empty, but then the Aber under 3s emerged. A chill went through the Jet Set as we studied their green and white santa hats. We were right out of our manors.

When the game commenced  I noticed that the Aber goalkeeper was wearing a snood. If ever there was image that sums up our media-led namby pamby age, it’s a semi-pro player trying to look like a homesick Brazillian. Some terrace wag dubbed him “Snoody” and the name stuck.

It’s wasn’t  long before Bangor City took the lead, as one would expect when Bangor City play football. It’s almost as inevitable as night following day. Les dribbled past and through Aber’s defence before forcefully caressing the ball past Snoody. Everybody knew we were on easy street once again, we all relaxed and the Aber Under 3s were subdued.

Somehow Aber found the gall to shake our assumptions. They actually pressured our defence and forced Smithy into making a save. They actually had the cheek to try and score! Their impertinence was rewarded with a goal just before half time. The Under 3s were exultant. Snoody did a victory jig type movement.

The second half was a very exciting cliché; end to end stuff. Every Aber attack was heart-fluttering. Every Bangor attack brought hope but  the best efforts of Reedy, Bully and Les failed to produce a second goal. The ball simply splatted into the mud one of them was about to shout. Each corner was a new chance but each corner was wasted, it was all a bit frustrating. Then somehow Smithy was ordered from the pitch.

The “incompetent” ref somehow managed to see a foul where there wasn’t one. This much was clear even from our distant vantage point. Peter Hoy Football Genius donned the gloves of destiny. Needless to say he didn’t let a goal in. The incompetent ref saw phantom fouls and other apparitions. The man was so out of touch he doubled Bangor’s amount of disciplinary points for no discernable reason.

The other unceasing irritation were the Aber under 3s as their songbook was almost exclusively Bangor-based. “We all hate Bangor”- “Stand-up if you hate Bangor” – “Fat Les, Bangor’s number 9”. The worst song was, “In your Bangor slums” as from a sociologically perspective it’s incorrect. All of this crap was led by an obese teenager wearing a green and white Santa hat. He should really have been at home cyber-bullying.

The tension became worse in the second half of the second half. Aber attacked and Bangor misfired, miskicked, mistimed and missed, missed, missed. Ideas became entangled in my mind. Our run was ending, XXX XXX XXXXXX were catching us up, our lead  was crumbling, our confidence has been ruined, it was all starting to go wrong.

It was very disconcerting. We were all right this morning, it was all my fault again, I’d brought this misfortune upon everybody else. But then through it all, the hope was still there………..

…..THIS corner would be the one…….

…..THIS free kick would be the one…….

…..THIS corner WOULD definitely be it!…….

The ball sailed over the goal, and then swiftly dropped like our hearts.

the Aber Under 3s sang, the Blue Army intellectuals wore the expressions of losing politicians on General Election night, it was horrible. Then the ball was somehow in the box again……

Reedy was on to it……..

He turned and shot……. t

The ball was in!!!

The next thing I knew I was spinning around the stand with Les and Pruney. When gravity caught up with us I was left with muddy footprints all over my hat. Bangor City are simply phenomenal, when all hope is gone they come back.

Just after the goal the pressure was back on, Aber still attacked but Peter Hoy Football genius was resolution personified, what skill!! What Poise!!! Our third goal was the last kick of the game and was another orgy of hugging. The under 3s were strangely subdued, all they could do was glower. Snoody was similarly crestfallen. Football is so cruel, good and bad at the same time.

Whilst we soothed parched throats with cold beverages in the clubhouse the obese teen leader muttered “Get a Job” as if he were a Tory little shit. At the same time as he uttered his bon mots John Hartson appeared on television wearing a Bangor City woolly hat. Big John is a Bangor fan! Hats speak louder than little shits.

Airbus UK Broughton 1 Bangor City 1
Welsh Premier League

As they say all good thing come to an end but “they” are usually big mouths with too much to say for themselves. It was inevitable that the winning run would come to an end. The end was a whimper.

The Airfield was under maximum security after last year’s intervention by Chester’s finest intellectuals; Fences showed the way in and we were confined to one and a half sides of the ground.

After ten minutes the moody Chester firm turned up with prominent labels and sullen expressions. They were escorted from one corner of the ground to the other, then escorted back, then they were gone. You’d imagine that some kind of co-ordination would have taken place earlier, using the internet and mobiles, just like proper casuals do. “We’re going to meet at the crossroads by 6:30. Don’t want no-one giving toes as it’s liable to go off big time. And don’t forget Stanley you muppets!” They went to the trouble of turning up with nicely polished trainers in order to walk 50 yards twice. Hey diddly dee it’s the life of a top boy in a infamous firm for me. Glamour, glamour, glamour!!!!

The game was frustrating as Bangor were oddly disjointed. Mind you there were an awful lot of miskicks on Saturday so we may have been carrying on from then. Bangor tried to score, and even threatened to score, but didn’t. Nice moves were attempted but the last pass was usually wayward. The crosses were just too long or too short and the shooting, when it did happen, was weak or wide. Although we did hit the bar just before half time. The most annoying bit was that Reedy was just off the pace. He was a slide away from scoring but he didn’t bother sliding. Airbus seemed crap yet worrying.

The ref often confounded, some tackles were considered fouls yet almost identical ones weren’t. All of the officials failed to see that the goalkeeper had handled the ball outside the box after about ten minutes as well.

The second half was worse. At least in the first half we felt Bangor were going somewhere close to victory, in the second we couldn’t get going at all. To make it all worse Airbus scored early in the second half thanks to a few mistakes, we wondered if the reserve goalkeeper was at fault. The scorer was Moran the secret milkshake drinker.

Bangor tried to get going after the goal but there was no spark or oomph. Runs and passes were unconnected and the stout defence of Airbus became a smothering blanket. Airbus also employed the sophisticated tactics of harrying Bangor into losing posession and then launching a long pass in the general direction of their attackers. Although for some reason they didn’t do this as much as they should have which allowed Bangor to continue hoping. Unfortunately Bangor’s pressing wasn’t undertaken with precision or the usual carefree skill.

The Airbus defence stood resolute but their keeper suddenly developed an aversion to gravity, was it a quickly developed inner-ear infection? In fact nearly all of Airbus players were at the time-wasting; not retreating at free kicks, developing mysterious back complaints, suddenly developing sprains etc, etc. Breaking the rhythm of the match certainly didn’t help Bangor’s already disjointed play. Airbus’s number 7 won the title “Twat of the match” with a brilliant combination of diving, exaggeration and moaning at the ref when his efforts were seen as transparent.

During this season the blue army may have felt that many moments were the end of the winning run. At the Airfield we had the genuine article, the run was ending, In the 87th minute, Peter Hoy Football Genius had the ball at his feet, now was the time for heroes……….

……………..The ball curled out for a throw, all we could do was laugh.

Deep into injury time Bangor were still trying to exert some pressure. Yet another moment of glory arrived! We hit the bar but the move was not over, Bully connected with the ball and it was in! We celebrated and the timewasting Airbus players prostrated themselves at the feet of the God of football fortune. The acts of the Airbus number 7 could not remain unpunished, karma had spoken,

The blue army left as if we’d seen a win, and in that sense the winning run continued. In the real world the run was over but at least the pressure was off now. We could go to XXX XXX XXXXXX and stick it to them properly! Huzzah!

Welsh Premier League

A match should have happened this evening but it didn’t.

All Clubs P All Clubs P
All Places – All Matches postponed, Everywhere………

We didn’t have entire football weekends wiped out by the weather before Good Old Dave and his Etonian Junta took over.

There were only 15 scores from the whole of Britain to update on Final Score. Fortunately this didn’t stop Match of the Day devoting an entire hour to two matches, or the Football League Show generating fifteen fun-filled minutes of  brouhaha about a referee’s daring decision to play a match in an actual live snow shower.

Catching Up.

18 10 2009
Rhyl 5 Bangor City 1
Welsh Premier League

Ahhhh, Rhyl on a Friday, does it get any better? Tonight it was very much a case of…………..Well, I just don’t have the vocabulary. We lost and lost badly. However it was one of those losses that you can’t get you head around it. The last time it happened was the 5-2 hammering by Slovakia nearly 3 years ago. Like that horrible afternoon every time the opposition passed the ball over the halfway line they went on to score In fact Rhyl scored 4 in  the first half hour, how the fuck……….? I looked around for inspiration but no-one could enlighten me. The nearest thing to an explanation was the idea that it wasn’t so much total football from Rhyl but a total mess from City, whatever it was it was all very annoying.

The second half was boring, we scored 1 and so did they. Therefore you might say that it was 1-1 in the second half. We only lost one half, that was a fact. Whichever way you looked at the match the hordes of screaming teenage girls seemed pleased with their new club.


Llandudno Town 2 Bethesda Town 1
Welsh Cup Round 1

The afternoon after the nightmare before saw me in Llandudno’s home ground. It felt like a Bangor match, many of us were there. We stood, and sat, in the pleasant sun and forgot that last night had happened. It happened gradually through the medium of jokes and inane drivel. Finding a load of old programmes helped to awaken memories of Bangor legend Lee Harley. By the way, the game was a bit crap and settled by a late goal.


Bangor City 3 Newtown 0
Loosemore’s League Cup

This was the antidote to the poison, the elixir for our jaded hopes. We had two quick goals, incisive passing and a red card. Limbo was sent off for what looked like coughing too close at an opposition player, a heinous crime with Swine Flu rampant. Bangor scored their third in the second via a long-range Smythe shot and everybody was happy, so happy that not a frown was seen.

Bangor City 0 XXX XXX XXXXXX X
Welsh Premier League

A match happened on this afternoon.

XXX XXX XXXXXX X Bangor City 2
Loosemore’s League Cup

A match happened on this evening.

Tranmere Rovers 1 Colchester United 1
Coca-Cola League 1

We had harboured a plan to go and see Bangor away in Haverfordwest but then we found out about the 6 and a half hour train journey down there (arriving in Haverfordwest 10 minutes before kick off) and the return journey that meant we had to leave at half-time. The journey somehow didn’t feel worth the effort after this meagre research.

So now we had a window for that journey to Tranmere we’d never quite got around to making! The fact that I’d never met a Tranmere I didn’t like and the fact that Half Man Half Biscuit are season ticket holders had always engendered a favourable disposition towards the men in white.

I spent the morning gazing at culture in the Albert Dock. The Passing Winter by Yayoi Kusama was fascinating, it is made of mirrors and every time you looked through one of the several holes in the sides you were presented with an infinite view of shapes and colours. It was so good that it certainly took your mind off the pretentious wankers milling around.


Outside of the cultural high spots one felt surrounded by an atmosphere less ethereal but no less magical. There was a denim turnup here, a stylishly bedraggled hairstyle there and tasteful athletic-styled footwear everywhere; The Scandinavians were definitely in town. The signs were there; mile after mile of alfresco pub table was dominated by groups of men proudly displaying their Official Liverpool F.C.™ Carrier Bags.

As I walked around Liverpool city centre I was struck by a slightly strange feeling; I was obviously going to a game but I somehow felt that I was missing out on the “Big Game”, the hype of the Premier League is so insidious that it invades through the pores. I was just going to buy those official club slippers when I was shaken out of it by the sight of a man and his son, they were both obviously Liverpool fans and they were obviously not going to the game. Unable to go because they been cast aside, cast aside because they can’t spend a week’s wages on club shop tat. Whereas our Scandinavian and Irish friends……

So there I was outside Birkenhead Central, “Go down there, it’s about 15 minutes.” Then it was; “Go up there and then down there, it’s about 20 minutes.” Then it was; “Go along there, round the corner and up there, it’s about 40 minutes” Finally it was “Go to the crossroads, turn right, then left, go up the hill and down the road, it’s about half an hour love!!” In the end it took about ten minutes to go up a bit, down a bit and along a bit.

My ticket was unreserved so I went to the back of the Kop with the Ultras. Colchester unfurled a huge red ensign enscribed with the legend “Brentwood Loyal.” Jesus, these twats never do subtle. The match was quite interesting. Tranmere played nice football,  stroking the ball about well.

I didn’t quite see why John Barnes garners all the stick that he does, maybe it’s because he appears to be very calm. I know they hadn’t started the season off very well but they played the ball around well and didn’t seem in too much danger themselves. Tranmere scored first but couldn’t hold on to the lead for very long. The half time whistle was copied by quite a few Tranmere fans. In the second half Tranmere had a go and could have scored but couldn’t control their shooting well enough. I left just before the end to try and warm up on the way to the station. It was “straight down there for about 15 minutes” after all.


Bangor City 4 Elements Cefn Druids 1
Welsh Cup Round 2

At half time all was doom and gloom, we were out. 2 unbeaten years were at an end, there was to be no trip to Llanelli and we hadn’t even had an away trip to mid Wales. Ian Rush’s son Jonathan had prevailed and Greame Sharp’s son hadn’t. Some time into the second half the ball was by Bangor’s goal, Smithy missed it. They were going to score again!! A Druid shot but missed, another Druid shot but it hit something, another Druid shot but this was blocked and cleared.

Several minutes later we equalised. It’s rare that you actually see such a sharply defined turning point in a match but today we had. Bangor looked disjointed and Druids had the goal at their mercy but we survived. After the equaliser we scored again and again and again. The last goal was cheeky, Sharpy ran past everyone before Reedy literally took it off his toe to score, Sharpy’s face was a picture – “The Scream”


Bangor City Reserves 5 Bro Goronwy 1
Some Cup
Wales U21s 2 Bosnia-Herzegovina U21s 0
UEFA U21 Championships Qualifier
Bangor City 0 Aberystwyth Town 1
Welsh Premier League

The least said about this match the better. It wasn’t so much the match, (we could have scored loads in the first 20 minutes but didn’t, Aber scored and then we tried to score but couldn’t) , it was more the aftermath on the Internet. The troublemakers were either Agent Provocateurs or people with a short memory.

It seems that the unpleasant culture of the football phone-in has reared its hideous head at our level. Where have all the placid, reasonable people gone? Even when you run a mile to avoid fucking Lovejoy, Spoony and Talksport, their corrosive presence oozes through besmirching everything.


Welshpool 1 Bangor City 2
Welsh Premier League

For the second time in a month I missed a game. What is the world coming to? I was planning to go….

Curlers, Clairvoyants and the Jungle Army, plus other tall tales.

29 08 2009
Newtown 1 Bangor City 2
Loosemore’s League Cup
Newtown was the birthplace of Robert Owen but from a certain, recent, perspective Newtown AFC have not seemed co-operative to me. The case for the prosecution m’lud; we’ve drawn a few, lost a few, “the crowd control approach”, last time we were victims of flag theft in the debacle known as 2009‘s League Cup Final. On the other hand there was the 2008 Welsh Cup Final and our semi-final postponement from that year, where the refreshments were as free-flowing as the rain. With a bit of hindsight it’s very much a case of 6 of one and 2/3 of the other, whatever that means.
We arrived in Newtown and the town appeared to have been closed down. Solitary pedestrians were the only sign of life. It was eerie. Trying to find a pub with nourishment proved almost impossible. As we undertook our fruitless search the lifeless town centre seemed to be a harbinger of bad news. We found little to suggest that there was a match tonight and this added to the unease. A lack of posters is so unlike Newtown. Had we come on the wrong night?
Some time later and the existential clouds had cleared; we found a pub with food and after dining we found a match poster. We were sated and we were in Newtown on the right night!!! As the philosopher once said to me; “It certainly make ya tink!!!“ We humans seem simple, yet irrational. A black-tinged feeling had descended but then two small details change and everything was rosy. Is the difference between a good life and a bad life that narrow? Of course we could still lose and all that summation would be bollocks.

In the ground there were only the usual baker’s dozen of “League Cup Away Ultras”. We did our bit; mostly silent determination. Seemingly every Ultra had the same thought; “It’s a little out of place to be the only person singing”. That’s not to say that we didn’t offer an encouraging bon mot or 3 when it was required. This calmness is the very opposite of the illogical, often incoherent and frequently unpleasant “Premier League Fan”.

The approach paid dividends near to half time. We won a free kick near the Newtown penalty area and Les spoke up: “One-Nil, Smythe”. And it came to pass. Mark struck one of those shots that’s appears to be heading into the goal as soon as it has left the taker’s boot. Our arms were in the air just after the ball was around the wall. 1-0 half-time.

Just into the second half I felt the need of the toilet so I thought it might be expedient to visit the toilet. I heard the unmistakable noise, Bangor had scored. I asked who was the scorer, Sharpy came the answer. It was 2-0 and that would do of course, especially Newtown had appeared to be mostly crap for most of the game. What did they Newtown next? They scored of course. That goal of course made things a little more uncomfortable, 2-0 is the most uncomfortable of leads. Luckily they didn’t add another.

A word here for Limbo. Our captain has garnered a bit of stick recently. Mind you this stick appears to emanate from the same quarters and it seems to coincide with defeats, how odd!!! The critics would have been less effusive after this performance. Limbo’s passing was superb, one particular pass was delicately spread from the right wing just over the defence ( just 6 inches over the right back’s head) straight to Smythy’s feet. Then there is the trademark turn that still functions perfectly. It’s enough evidence to disprove things but whadda ya know, the critics weren’t here to see it. Nev In!!

Bangor City 3 Neath Athletic 1
Welsh Premier League

Today’s opponents were supposed to be one of the high-flyers due to their expenditure. Were they Full-time or not though? We didn’t know but with Welsh International Craig Llewellyn in their team they could be difficult.

Football (and indeed the world) is about questions and frustration. Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. If football was worked out on paper and not played on grass? If every shot went in? If every every tackle was well time? If Richard Littlejohn wasn’t a raging xenophobic prick? This match cleared up the doubts, and questions, at least until next week.

We went one up thanks to a smart turn, and a smart shot, from Jamie Reed, it was good! Just before half -time it became great; we went 2-0 up. For the second game in a week I missed the scorer. After half -time Neath managed to score, the ball sort of hobbled over the line via a post.

Then, for the second time this week, an act of clairvoyance led to a City Goal. A free kick was awarded and Alwyn Spoke Forth; “Smythe, 3-1!!” Again the ball looked in just after it had cleared the wall. My camera captured the event for posterity again. AHA!! It must be the combination of the two. Next week My Camera and Les will tell you the date Britain will be finally out of recession.

So it’s two win on the trot. Is this the start of a beautiful run? Nev still in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bangor City 0 XXX XXX XXXXXX X
Loosemore’s League Cup

A match happened on this afternoon.

Elements Cefn Druids 0 Bangor City 1
Welsh Premier League

Some matches are remarkable for the action, some are remarkable for the goals, some for the saves, some for the kits. This match will become known as the starting point of something remarkable too. Today’s match is, was and forever shall be known as the birth of “Neville Powell’s Jungle Army”. And so it came to pass, Plas Kynaston’s indolent gardeners left perfect cover for the creation of  a Jungle Army. We came, we sang, no-one saw us.

I was using the canopy as cover from Charlie and the tropical rain when I moved and caught sight of something odd; A football match one presumes…..

Our side was pinned down by Charlie (The Druids), our advances were sporadic. Charlie was employing Black Ops techniques. Every member of Charlie appeared to be identical apart from the perpetrator of one assault, he was distinguishable by the size of his nose. The Jungle Army tried to raise our side’s spirits with the waving of discarded Vegetation and singing but it was to no avail, Charlie remained resolute.

The Jungle Army riskily left cover for the second half, so we became the Blue And White Army again. We did our best but Charlie was still resolute. Now we were free of the jungle canopy it became clear to us how they could remain resolute; they had the connivance of the match officials, or more exactly the help of the officials’ ineptitude. Fortunately Jamie Reed flicked the ball into the goal with his head so the Jungle Army could go wild in celebration. We had a leisurely drink in the clubhouse to celebrate the birth of a new social movement, a movement vital in these harsh economic times.


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