Happy New Year, same as the last

22 01 2017

I love festive football. There’s a chill in the air, a cheer in voices and you’re unsure which day it is. It’s lucky that the Radio Times adds the day to the edge of the page.

Films, tangerines, nuts and football, what a time of the year! You don’t even notice Mrs. Brown’s Boy’s insultingly odious sentimentality or Eastenders’ needlessly depressive fug. I always think back to the joyous time when you could round off a Christmas Day’s TV with The Untouchables or Raiders Of The Lost Ark. I love Christmas because I loved Christmas. I love festive football.

It’s a time of wonderful sensations; the feel of new socks on cold feet, the disappointment caused by the misleading garment specifications on the website that provided your new coat and the sound of a joke with someone you haven’t seen since the last New Year’s Day match.

A Boxing Day match is served to me and it feels relatively good. The rough edges have been smoothed by Christmas cheer. By the final whistle I’ve realised that it’s no better or worse than usual. New Coats, New Socks, same feeling.

The result is immaterial. I’ve still got days off and a trip to Derby the next day. It’s cold but my cold nose reminded me I was alive. What a victory I’d seen well, well I’d seen a victory.

A Piers Morgan tweet about Aaron Ramsey floated out to my timeline. I thought I’d muted the arrogant popinjay. Here comes the block!

It’s Derby on an extra bank holiday. I broke my journey to buy some wax for my new coat in Birmingham. Derby’s an ok place to visit, I suspect that I could call it home. The away fans’ pub offers a welcome toilet break and a quizzical stare or two. It would seem that Birmingham fans have shamelessly ripped off FC United’s songbook.

The ground is better than TV had led you to believe. A middle aged away fan sat in front of me, he wore his jaunty scarf like a World War One fighter ace. There was a flag for every home fan. The match was cold, there was little to stir the soul but it didn’t matter, I still had days off and I’d finally seen a match in Derbyshire. I reached the station in time to get the train home. I may have found a technique to hurry along with cold feet.

The year draws to a close, it is a chance to end a chapter and draw a line in red pen. It’s a natural end to a unit of temporal resolution.

It may be the natural end to a unit of temporal resolution that may have included the death of your mother, political devastation through wilful ignorance and an ominous takeover of your football club.

You may be glad to see the back of the year but you’re nothing special. You’re merely an insect riding a spinning sphere of rock in the infinite void we call space. Nobody cares what you think or feel.

Anyway it’s out with the old in with the new ya miserable get!!! Cheer up and get the drinks in!

New Year’s Day always has the same feel, quiet contemplation. I try to open myself up to waves of hope, what will the new year bring? Positivity rears its head from the undergrowth. A new year, a new unit of temporal resolution, a new chapter in life’s story, new tales for your memoirs.

Stillness lends the first day of the year the air of a prelude to something good, a pregnant pause before the ascent to a better existence, a better life. This year you’ll do it right. The diet, the outlook, the holiday.

As you stand with your mates at the away match in your hometown you know that  this year we’ll do it right, we’ll win the title, we’ll get to Europe,, we’ll win the play-offs, we’ll avoid relegation, we’ll sign some decent players in the transfer window, we’ll keep the same form, we’ll beat teams again.. We’ve had good days since August, we’ll have good days again.

Then you watch Llandudno score a goal that looked preventable. There’s the familiar lurch in your stomach, whereupon the pangs of disappointment neatly segue way to the familiarity of acceptance. Everyone wears a Spirit of ’58 hat.

It turns out the new year is just the same as the previous years in which you’ve existed.

2016 – Watch Football in Cold weather, feel bored, can’t feel fingers.

2017 – Watch Football in Cold weather, feel bored, can’t feel fingers.

I’ll miss more Wales matches, Bangor won’t win the league and Farage’s face will be on the news every day.

You’re still a mere insect on a spinning sphere in the infinite void we call space and still nobody will care what you think or feel.

At least there’ll be new trainers to buy, and more festive football to look forward to.


Some videos are better than others

17 11 2013

BT Sport have made a short documentary about FC United;

It’s nice that a capitalist enterprise is prepared to offer an alternative view of football and a club like this;

Nov 16 035

The BT video is certainly better than the videos that reflect values of corporate football, like this video of Puma clients;

It’s certainly better than “Footy Top 10s” that pollute youtube. You’ll know the format from the telly; gobshite comedians offering a showreel of contrived personalities in order to prove just how much better they are than the rest of us. Behold this hackneyed talking heads bollocks in the “TOP 10 TRANSFER FLOPS EVER EVER EVER“;

I love the way that we just have to accept that Kaka is the worst ever transfer because some journalists have googled some clichés. I wonder if “Eddy Brimson, writer, comedian” is a different Eddy Brimson from “Eddy Brimson, author of hooligan porn“.

Without further ado here’s the “TOP 10 MADDEST MOMENTS IN FOOTBALL EVER EVER EVER EVER“;

And now for the crème de la menthe of Top 10 football list videos; “TOP 10 BEARDED FOOTBALLERS EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER’. Not only are all the talking heads gobshite comedians hilariously one of them has a hilarious beard!!!;

If these videos prove anything it’s that we need even more comedians being paid to remember stuff and then offer smart-alecky attitudes they’ve nicked from Mock the Week.

If you can’t handle a Top 10? Well sit back and let the overenthusiastic tit in a disgusting Hollister shirt guide us through the Top 5 Worst Football Injustices EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER, NO COMEBACKS!!!” (Brought to us by Kick TV).

I’m sure these people would be happier if they just stopped pretending to be in to the footy.

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