So why exactly are you against That Modern Football? Part 23

7 01 2014

86. Programmes for iPads

Match programmes have many, many roles; pre-match reading material, half-time reading material, organs of club propaganda, mementoes, sun hats, small magazine shaped missiles, dust collecters…..

Physical programmes could become relics if clubs like Arsenal have their way.

Matchday Programme on iPad

Packed with all the usual high quality interviews and features, the iPad programme also contains a wealth of interactivity including exclusive video, audio and photo galleries, bringing you the best of the action from on and off the pitch.  

Programmes are available from midnight before a weekend match, and midday on the day of a midweek fixture; costing just £2.99 per issue, £3.99 per month or £39.99 for the calendar year. 

For any queries on the iPad Matchday Programme app, or for technical support, please email:

To view the latest edition of the iPad programme you might need to update your app. You will be prompted to do this when you attempt to download the edition. 

Talking of irritating tablet use…..

87. Bellend plus ipad

The ipad is killing modern fandom.

Chelsea ipad

88. Celebration Chereography

We don’t need this crap!

arsenal 2

Goal music, big official flags and stadium announcers that leave gaps for surnames can all fuck off, we don’t need any help to feel happy after goals, we know how to feel!

The one that really got to me was Bolton’s “I Feel Good!!! / twats running with giant flags’ combo from the 2000s,  the display was so bad even the Bolton fans hated it;

Why should we be told to ‘feel good’ when Bolton score? And what’s Tony Christie doing ordering us to Texas after one goes in the net? Athers hates it, and here’s why…

 There are few things as exhilarating as seeing the ball hit the back of the opposition’s net. The thwack of Bolton boot on ball followed by the glorious sound of over 20,000 fans roaring in delight is about as good as it gets for a Saturday afternoon in a retail park. 

But suddenly, amongst the shouts of delight, something else happens. Something that has crept into grounds all over the country of late. A man in a sound room somewhere joyously presses ‘play’ on his cassette deck and in kicks a poorly recorded version of an old pop song over the public address system.  The roar of the crowd dies down and suddenly some of the Bolton contingent either start to clap in time to a song about a town in Texas or do a dance to a song by a man with tattoos where his eyebrows should be. I refer of course to Tony Christie’s ‘Amarillo’ and James Brown’s ‘I Got You (I Feel Good)’. 

As I mentioned this is obviously not just a Bolton Wanderers thing. Elsewhere the most common ‘goal song’ around the country is the embarrassing ‘Tom Hark’- usually found in the lower leagues of English football. However, the award for most annoying music probably goes to Norwich City’s ‘Samba de Janeiro’ with Middlesbrough’s ‘Pigbag’ a close runner up.

These clubs are often derided by many supporters as ‘small-time’ or ‘tin-pot’ clubs solely for their tacky celebrations incorporated into the ‘Match-day experience”. It is unfortunate that at the moment our proud club falls into this bracket as well.  Goal music is designed to enhance the match-day experience for the supporters, to enable us to wave our £3 rollover hotdogs and 300 degrees Celsius pies in the air and rejoice.

Whether it actually achieves this objective is of course another matter. It could be said that the music can in fact break up the continuous roar of the crowd, especially if it’s an important goal.  Some of the children present may enjoy the music, however I believe that they come for the football and will come back in the future for the football. Indeed the pure energy from a roaring crowd is an exciting thing for a youngster, something that they hear once every two weeks and look forward to. 

Although we don’t get on with our big North West neighbours Liverpool and Manchester United, it can be said that these clubs would never dream of playing goal music to ‘aid’ their celebrations. The fans simply would not stand for it and it’s time that we didn’t either.

We are a proud club with a long history and in this author’s opinion it is time that we removed this Americanisation from our stadium – this is Bolton Wanderers, it’s not an ice hockey game.  What can be done about this situation, something simple such as many letters regarding the matter sent to the club? I doubt they will have any effect at all unless the club receive thousands. 

A better idea to start would be something like a large ‘no more goal music’ banner paraded at the Reebok. It would surely catch the attention of the powers that be and hopefully some of the many TV cameras. I call on all supporters with similar view, through use of The-Wanderer fanzine and website we can eradicate goal music and enjoy our future victories at the Reebok without Tony Christie or James Brown. 

At one of the best times in living memory to be a proud supporter of Bolton Wanderers, goal music and indeed celebration flags are one embarrassment that can be removed very easily with some effort on the part of the fans. As for the ‘easy’ chant, that requires another article altogether.”

89. The fans that know they’re on TV

Jan5 007

Jan5 008

Calm down people, calm down.




One response

7 01 2014

Reblogged this on No Standing.

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