Book Review – “Is He All That?” by Adrian Durham

8 04 2015

To give the book it’s full title “Is He All That?- Great Footballing Myth SHATTERED -TALKSPORT” by Adrian Durham. The dust jacket told the world that Durham was going to “vent his explosive opinions” on the pages of the book. Here’s the combustible comment in digested form.

Wenger – No back to back titles, no champions league, basically pointless person and useless manager. END OF.
Arsenal – Irritating. END OF.
Arsenal’s Invcibles – Went a whole league season without losing but basically crap. END OF.
David Beckham – Superhero. END OF
Wales’ 1958 world cup side – The boyos from the valleys think their team was the best ever. They are morons living in dreamland waving leeks and daffodils. END OF
Italy – Should have not won no world cups, Mussolini, Cheating, Paolo Rossi match fixer and Zidane headbutted someone. END OF.
Ashley Cole – Legend. END OF.
Mourinho – Lucky arsehole. END OF.
New Wembley – Brummies wanted it but they are wrong. END OF.
Alf Ramsey – Legend. END OF.
Stanley Matthews – Dribbled a bit, philandered with a commie spy, apologist for fascism and pre-war spiv, alright though. END OF.
Michael Carrick – Legend. END OF.
Pele – Had a strop in 1966, not the best ever because Muhammed Ali wasn’t as good he said he was either. END OF.
Maradona – Cheating drug addict. END OF.
George Best – Actually good. END OF.
Jimmy Greaves – Not bad but did nothing at the world cup. END OF.
England 0 USA 1 – Not the world’s biggest ever shock, USA was dead lucky and everything, the world cup was terrible in this era anyway. END OF.
Penalties – Terrible idea because Peterborough’s keeper was once unjustly penalised for moving off his line. END OF.
Thierry Henry – Cheat. END OF.
Video Technology – My computer stopped working once. END OF.
Substitutes – They’re a mad idea aren’t they! END OF.
Football fans singing – They’re mad aren’t they! END OF.
Old Wembley – The ball was clearly over the line, end of. END OF.
Brian Clough – What a character! END OF.
Champions League – All the big players and big teams are involved, what’s wrong with that? END OF.
Meeting your hero – Could go either way. END OF.
Underdogs – Teams like New Zealand and Tahiti are basically pointless. END OF.
Spurs – Not as good as they or their fans think. END OF.
Tactics – I like tactics. END OF.
Dennis Bergkamp -I don’t think he’s that good. END OF.
World Cup – Some don’t want to play what’s that all about eh? END OF.
Shilton v Clemence – Clemence would’ve got to the ball before that cheat Maradona. END OF.
England fans – Football, it’s in your English blood ain’t it guv. END OF.
Gary Lineker – Good but I’ll never forgive him for not punching the ball in like that cheat Maradona. END OF.
Pep Guardiola – Stone cold genius. END OF.
1966 – Germany were awful, I said so. END OF.
England beat Brazil on their first Wembley visit – I’m sure he was trying to make some point. END OF.

This book was quite simply one of the worst books on the subject of football that I’ve ever had the misfortune to read. When I saw it in Llandudno’s library I knew it would annoy the hell out of me but I still had to read it. Is there a word for feeling simultaneously happy and disappointed?

Adrian Durham is literally one of those DeeJays that likes to literally throw breezeblocks of screeching opinion into the literal lake of polite contemplation, then he’ll say the opposite just to literally “stir things up a bit”. Aside from Robbie Savage Durham’s double act with Darren Gough is quite literally the worst thing I’ve ever heard whilst trapped in the back seat of a taxi.

A book is written by a bloke that trades on his ability to shout an angry opinion down a microphone wasn’t going to be pretty but I knew what I was literally getting into.

He was now in the creative pantheon as Mark Twain, Charles Dickens and Jeffrey Archer because he was able to spout opinions based on shaky evidence…

“with little evidence against him Rossi was cleared by a criminal court, but a soccer tribunal banned him from playing for two years. His supporters said he had been made a scapegoat. Rossi always maintained he was innocent.”

….or even zero evidence;

“Now I never saw him play, and the footage shows a right winger getting to the by-line and crossing the ball. How can I judge someone on that?

“Paolo Rossi is still a match fixer” and “Stanley Matthews still wasn’t all that” or something.

This book exists because we all love to hear shouty men don’t we? Yeah we all love to hear opinions, especially from the bloke what literally wrote the book, oh yes he literally loves the old opinion game.

Well, until an opinion literally doesn’t tally with his authority;

“Chris Waddle, for example, is one of my favourite players ever. He claimed Beckham wouldn’t make it into the top 1000 Premier League players ever. I’m still waiting for him to name the long list of players ahead of Beckham. It’s a ridiculous statement that cannot be backed up. He’s entitled to an opinion, but he needs to name all those better players and back up each claim for his view to be taken seriously. Dare I suggest Waddles played at a time when he didn’t earn the kind of money his talents would have commanded in the modern game? Let it go, Chris, you were a terrific player, don’t bring others down for no reason.”

Yeah Chris take that. What do you know about football compared to a bloke that literally shouts opinion to stir things up a bit? Take that you fucking fraud.

I’ll end this review with one of Durham’s situations.

“Ask someone what they immediately think of when you say the name Maradona.”

This would be my reply.

“I love Maradona because he annoys people like you.”

AVOID THIS BOOK LIKE THE PLAGUE, myths remain quite literally intact. This was literally my opinion of a terrible book. END OF.

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23 09 2017
Ignore, ignore, ignore | Llandudno Jet Set

[…] I often read things just to see if they are as bad as they seem, like the time I decided to read a deejay’s book. Suffice to say the book is joint top of “The worst books I’ve ever held” list with […]

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