SexyJosé witters, his right eye glitters, the world titters, coquettishly.

6 02 2014

A couple of weeks ago West Ham and Chelsea drew 0-0. The BBC used these words at the start of their match report;

“Chelsea slipped up in the race for the title as they were held by a dogged West Ham at Stamford Bridge.

The Blues controlled the match but were frustrated by Sam Allardyce’s lowly Hammers, who defended stoutly.”

How did SexyJosé and his sparkling eyes view the match? Well, the video alongside the report was entitled “West Ham tactics ‘frustrate’ Mourinho“. SexyJosé went further;

“Chelsea boss says West Ham’s style is ’19th Century’ ”  

The media let SexyJosé get away with the outburst because he was SexyJosé, and he’s worth it, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

On Monday Chelsea beat Man City 1-0. The BBC used these words at the start of their match report;

“Chelsea condemned Manchester City to a first home Premier League defeat of the season as the title race took its latest twist at Etihad Stadium.

City had won 11 out of 11 at home in the league before Chelsea’s visit and knew another one over Jose Mourinho’s side would have seen them leapfrog Arsenal and return to the top of the table.

Instead, Mourinho and Chelsea produced a counter-attacking masterclass perfectly designed to take advantage of City’s natural attacking instincts, and Branislav Ivanovic’s first-half goal gave them a thoroughly deserved win. 

It was the first time City had failed to score in a home league match since November 2010 as the Premier League’s most potent attack, with 68 goals, was kept out by the best defence – the visitors have conceded just 20.”

SexyJosé was happier this week; the video alongside this report was called; “Mourinho praises ‘complete’ Chelsea display”.

SexyJosé’s brilliance had to be remarked upon so the BBC gave us both “Pellegrini v Mourinho: Chelsea boss outwits his Man City rival and “Robbie Savage: How Mourinho’s tactical triumph sank Man City, the second article came with added stats diagrams for added proof!!

In his regular BBC Sport column, Robbie Savage looks at Chelsea’s stunning victory over Manchester City. (And don’t we all love a stunning victory)

I was at Etihad Stadium for BBC Radio 5 live on Monday night to see Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho get his tactics spot on, again.

I thought Mourinho would park the bus and concentrate on stifling City and killing the game but, from the start, his side showed plenty of attacking intent.

Chelsea completely controlled the game and carried out his plan to perfection. Man for man, in every department, they were absolutely brilliant.

No team has scored more than City at this stage of a Premier League season and they came into the game with a 100% winning record at home, but they did not look like they believed they could score a goal.

Mourinho completely out-thought City manager Manuel Pellegrini, and Chelsea completely outplayed City. They should have won by a bigger margin and we saw how much your formation and system matters, not just how good your players are.

From the start, Chelsea showed far more ambition than they had when they drew 0-0 with Manchester United and Arsenal at Old Trafford and Emirates Stadium earlier in the season. They got more men forward on Monday than they did in either of those games.

Mourinho’s gameplan was to defend in numbers and then counter-attack with speed.”

What a contrast between two matches!!!! Last week versus this week, football mastery versus dogged resilience, a tactical tour-de-force constructed by the strategic master of the premier league versus an affront to the dignity of Britsh society. Has there ever been a greater contrast?

What caused this sharp contrast? Was it due to the goals? Well as neither match featured a blizzard of goals, no. Was it due to the fact that matches were played in different months? No. Was it due Chelsea playing at home in one match and away in the other. No, no, no. There is only one possible explanation; SexyJoséLove.

Everyone’s transfixed by those sparkling eyes.

Gary Neville loves him;

José Mourinho best in world at managing big games

Paul Parker loves him;

Evil genius ‘Keyser Jose’ Mourinho proves he is the king of mind games

The Guardian loves him;

José Mourinho and Chelsea’s remarkable tactical transformation

The Mirror loves him;

Four-Four-Mou: Six matches that underlined Jose Mourinho’s tactical acumen

The Telegraph loves him;

BflRe6ICAAAw53v

SexyJoséLove is like real love –  the perception of warm happiness blurring the obvious imperfections – so people only see SexyJosé’s sparkling eyes. Consider The Great Sav’s opinion; “Chelsea completely outplayed City” then look at the all-important match stats;

Possession – MCFC 65%, CFC 35%
Shots (On Target) – MCFC 25 (3), CFC -18 (6)
Corners – MCFC 12, CFC 6

I must point out that The Great Sav is not entirely trustworthy; he’s SexyJoséLovestruck.

See for yourselves if you don’t believe me.

In January 2014 it was; Robbie Savage: How clever Chelsea saw off Man Utd threat

In his regular BBC Sport column, Robbie Savage looks at Chelsea’s victory over Manchester United.

In many ways this was a classic performance from Chelsea under Jose Mourinho: they were not at their best but were well organised, worked hard and got the three points.

In December 2013 it was; Robbie Savage: Jose Mourinho’s tactics keep Chelsea in title race

In his regular BBC Sport column, Robbie Savage looks at Chelsea’s 0-0 draw against Arsenal and assesses how both teams are shaping up in the title race.

I was at the Emirates Stadium on Monday night for BBC Radio 5 live and, beforehand, I thought the stormy conditions would suit Arsenal.

It had been pouring with rain all day but the pitch was immaculate and great for crisp passing. As a player, you cannot ask for anything more than that and I thought it would be perfect to zip the ball about on.

That did not happen, and the Gunners ended up playing poorly. 

Arsene Wenger’s side looked tired and short of ideas but credit has to go to Blues boss Jose Mourinho for getting his tactics spot on. Chelsea crowded the midfield, had a solid defence and looked dangerous on the counter-attack. 

In August 2013 it was; Chelsea right to stay tight against Man Utd, says Robbie Savage

In his regular BBC Sport column on football tactics, Robbie Savage goes to Old Trafford to look at Chelsea’s goalless draw against Manchester United.

It was the first big Premier League game of the season – David Moyes’ first home match as United boss and it came against one of their main title rivals.

Some people might have been disappointed with the outcome but I don’t think Moyes or Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho will be.

The priority for both sides was not to lose and it was always going to be more of a chess match than an open, exciting encounter.

United tried a bit harder to win the game but they did not have the quality in midfield to find the pass they needed. You could see they need a creative player in the middle, while Chelsea definitely need a new striker.

The three matches upon which The Great Sav’s ejaculated his SexyJoséLove produced 4 goals and included two 0-0s!!!! Sexy José you are spoiling us!!!! You naughty boy!!!!!

When you’re in SexyJoséLove; victories are always caused by omnipotence, never by luck, incompetence or stupidity.

I’m no doctor but if you ask me this plague of SexyJoséLove is connected to a spate of chemical imbalances in modern Britain. These chemical imbalances are also linked to two of the main problems in TMF;

1. Selective Attention Disorder –  The Great Sav’s ejaculations show how serious this problem is; the disorder strikes in the middle of sentences; “Arsene Wenger’s side looked tired and short of ideas but credit has to go to Blues boss Jose Mourinho for getting his tactics spot on.”  You can see The Great Sav’s thought processes; “The 0-0 result may have been caused to a tired Arsenal side lacking their usual spark but I’ll still give SexyJosé the main credit because I love SexyJosé, aaaaaahhhh those sparkling eyes!!!”.

2. Short Attention Span Disorder – We can see this disorder in the match report of  Chelsea 2  Liverpool  1;

Chelsea end the year just two points behind Premier League leaders Arsenal after an impressive performance against a Liverpool side which has now suffered successive league defeats.”  

Short Attention Span Disorder has turned the phrase “successive defeats” in to the worst possible phrase a human can utter in 2014.

If we think about this load of bollocks clearly, the story around SexyJosé is basically this;

“A coach wants his team to win so he devises a plan that will hopefully ensure two things 1. The opponent’s strength will be  counteracted and 2. His own team’s strengths will be imposed upon the opposition”

or “Coach does the job he’s paid to do” if you’re in to that whole brevity thing.

What the hell is wrong with our media? We deserve better than this wank.

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