31 01 2014

The rumours about tomorrow’s Welsh Cup trip to Airbus – the match was said to be at risk because of the typical north Walean weather – forced me to go on to the BBC website at 7:55 this morning. I inadvertently saw the special link to TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ as I was about to click the link for the weather section.

My tired mind had forgotten about TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ until my tired eyes saw what they saw. I cursed the god of intelligence and humility, why wasn’t I allowed to forget about the greatest day in the football season™?

This morning’s unwitting reminder was my second of the last two days and I didn’t need another jarring jolt. Yesterday’s BBC article – “The madness that is Transfer Deadline Day” – was enough for both days. Oh how I wish I could forget the sensation of the first three paragraphs coursing through my sense of wonder;

“There is a man on my telly standing outside The Den in a suit speaking fast and portentously without full stops or commas and with lots of superlatives.

I’m scared because there is also a clock counting down in the bottom right-hand corner so something important must be about to happen like the arrival of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse but it turns out Shaun Batt has joined Leyton Orient from Millwall instead. On loan.

Welcome to Transfer Deadline Day, which I’ve deliberately written in capitals because there are those who think we should make it a public holiday. “

After this morning’s jolt a compulsion forced me to see if things were as bad as I feared, I had to find out what was happening.

A journalist called Marc Higginson was “Live Reporting”. I scrolled down and found that my prejudices were proved again.

07:34What about Harry?

I always wonder what transfer deadline day is like for football managers. Harry Redknapp might not be the obvious centre of attention today, but I bet he was up before the milkman this morning – walking the dog and plotting his first car door interview of the day. Even if he doesn’t sign anybody, it just wouldn’t be transfer deadline day without ‘Arry.

07:50BBC Sport’s Ben Smith

What to expect

“Look a little closer and you soon see there is a strong possibility that fax machines across Europe could be in for a day they won’t forget in a hurry. At the top of the table, Liverpool are working hard to bring in one more, while down at the bottom, West Ham are shopping for a bargain.

“The Hammers are trying to hijack Fulham’s attempts to sign the Greek striker Konstandinos Mitroglou. The Olympiakos player underwent the first part of his medical with Fulham yesterday and further tests are planned today before an £11m deal is completed.

“But West Ham remain determined to add a striker, as well as a defender, to their squad before tonight’s deadline.

“And they are now exploring the possibility of pinching Mitroglou from under Fulham’s noses. St Etienne striker Max Gradel is another target.”

07:57BBC Sport’s David Ornstein

What to expect

“Transfer deadline day just wouldn’t be the same without Arsenal making a late foray into the market. The Gunners have been linked with a loan move for Juventus striker Mirko Vucinic, while across north London Tottenham are open to the possibility of letting midfielder Lewis Holtby leave, most likely on loan.

“Reports suggest he could join Fulham in a deal that would see striker Dimitar Berbatov go in the opposite direction and rejoin his former club. Staying in the capital, Crystal Palace are working to sign a goalkeeper and centre-back – the latter could be Ivan Ramis if the Wigan defender lowers his wage demands. If the right opportunity arises for the Eagles to sign a striker, they are also ready to do that.”

08:00 – 15 HOURS TO GO

The clock continues to tick, but we’ve not had a single transfer confirmed as yet. However, that could all be about to change as club offices up and down the country open for business. I can picture the scene now – Premier League managers checking the fax machine has ink and paper and club secretaries loading themselves up on coffee. And Big Sam tucking into an egg butty.

On TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ everything is frenzied, even at 08:01. What a day!

When something develops it’s own shorthand and clichés it begins to look like an institution, if anything tells us about the irritating nature of TMF it’s that TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ has become an institution.  TMF being TMF TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ will mean that someone will be stressing about whether Arsenal are able to make their customary late foray in to the market to save the soul of TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™.

At 8:15 I succumbed to the twitter urge, I had to find out whether Arsenal had saved TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ with a late foray in to the transfer market.  I couldn’t see any news about that so I typed “Jim White” in the search box on twitter. (Jim White is a Murdoch lackey that gets uncontrollable excited about this farrago.) Needless to say I ended up despairing at humanity.

@Pickles8Derby Feels like Christmas!!!!!!! It’s transfer deadline day woooop!! Howay Sir Jim White

@sampdobson The light at the end of the tunnel is a night infront of the box watching Jim White

@Barnesy1715 Can’t believe I’ve got to work a late shift on #DeadlineDay again! Hopefully they’ll let me go early so I can watch Jim White do his stuff.

@ashtonadamsbcfc Deadline day!! Might get a few cans and the boys round tonight and play the Jim white drinking game

@daveberry_tweet Jim White. God I want him so bad, yellow tie and all. Happy deadline day My love I know you’re going to be brilliant

@GetYourTipsOut RT if you’re buzzing for #TransferDeadlineDay with @nataliesawyer and Jim White tomorrow.

@MessiMinutes Sky Sports News on. A hugely exciting 30 hours in the transfer market. A real Deadline Day for Jim White to get his teeth into.

@dannywarren14 Today is all about the main man himself, Jim White #DeadlineDay

@Lwaughlfc Nothing better then a bit of transfer deadline day! It’s all about Mr Jim White tonight! #skysportsnews #TransferDeadlineDay

@saultrup What would transfer deadline day be like without Jim White from Barnet, London

@jonesgary16  Jim White on DEADLINE DAY #classact

Free-thinking human beings are staying in with TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ drinking games™. People actually look forward to TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ and some are “buzzing” about it, you can be sure that some twats will have taken the whole day off. TMF is a bottomless pit of craven bovine stupidity.

Looking at all the tweets made TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ look even worse; some “people” have re-christened TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ as “Jim White Day”. In other words people have even managed to sully the contrived corporate soul of TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™.

@squarefootball1 Happy Jim White day to you all! we hope you get the players you want at your club!

@TomBell1988 happy jim white day to all #DeadlineDay #jimwhiteforprimeminister

@markusd81 @SkySportsNews Christmas day may only come once a year, but we can be thankful that Jim White day comes twice a year #jimwhiteday

@MyOnlyCardiff Scott Dann & Ross McCormack. That would be the best Jim White day present ever! #CCFC

@LD_Reid89  I am off to uni tomorrow with 1 intention- wearing yellow and watching @SkySportsNews for Jim White day! #DeadlineDay

@HarryDiamond93 When will the government declare #DeadlineDay the national holiday it should be?

@Daler960 @HarryDiamond93 no it should be made national Jim White day guys a legend

Even betting firms and pro footballers succumb to the bullshit;

@WillHillBet Happy Jim White day everyone. Heard any rumours? Premier League club to make the most signings today: 10/11 Palace, 11/4 Fulham, 9/1 WHUFC

@Rossmccormack44Jim white day tomorrow .. Looking forward to see what shade of fake bake he has on! #tangod

The blasphemous bovine hordes have taken TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™’s soul thrown it on the dusty floor then trampled all over it, stamped on it’s head and then repeatedly kicked the jerking body. The lovers of TMF can’t even treat their holiest days with the reverence they themselves have ascribed to them,  and these people are allowed to vote.

Sadly TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ fever has even infected the “good newspapers”;

 @guardian_sport Transfer deadline day – live!  via @guardian

I was unable to resist going back on the BBC website at 08:45. When I scrolled down I found this;

08:04Ridsdale’s view

Former Leeds chairman Peter Ridsdale has told BBC Sport his Deadline Day dos and don’ts.

Step one is find the fax machine, but there are some other key points for clubs to lock down.

He said: “If a player doesn’t want to play for you, the best you can do is get the best price for the club. A classic example was when I sold Rio Ferdinand at Leeds. He returned from the 2002 World Cup and came into my office on his first day back and said he wanted to go to Manchester United.

“Once we knew he was going, the cat and mouse game is how much can you get for him. Ultimately we got £30m. It was difficult. Once you know the player is going and where he wants to go to, how do you push the price up so the other club don’t say ‘we know he’s coming to us so we’ll keep the price depressed’? But we managed to get them from an initial bid of £18m to up to £30m so it was a job well done.”

I can’t think of a better person to talk about transfers than Peter Ridsdale. I noticed that the information at the top of the screen implored idiots to get involved;

Get Involved

Excited? Nervous? Repeatedly smashing the ‘refresh’ key on the transfers page already? Hoping that your star striker will still be at the club come midnight?

It gets to us all, does Transfer Deadline Day. But how are you all feeling? How are you staying across all the moves? Where are you following from? Who have you seen heading to Anfield/Old Trafford/Stamford Bridge/Boundary Park? We want to know.

Text us on 81111 (UK Only) with your names, leave a message on the BBC Sport Facebook page or better still, send us your pictures and prose to #bbcfootball on Twitter.

We really want some top, top photos this year. Ping us.

Whilst I was trying to work out whether pinging the BBC was an offence under the Electronic Communications act  I scrolled down the screen and noticed that someone had got themselves involved

Tarek A: This is make or break for Arsenal season. We need to buy a big name striker by the end of the day.

My God that prose is powerful enough to stir Arsene into action. “Make or Break”, did you read that!!!!! “WE”………..”NEED”………“A” ………“BIG NAME STRIKER” Yeah Arsenal really, really, really need a big international, like that bloke Arshavin bloke they signed a few years.

I checked again at 09:15 but TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ was just too frenzied;

08:50It’s been a slow start, hasn’t it? The only ‘done deal’ so far has been Crewe signing a player from non-league [0821]. I feel like an early-morning fisherman who has reeled in one tiddler in two hours. I’ve got big hope of landing a big one after 9 though…

If I took TMF and TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ seriously I would have to look for a place to rest my weary head. The volume of excitement on TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ is so great that you can have two weekend’s worth of excitement by 09:15

I couldn’t resist going back to twitter at lunchtime. It was still full of bovine stupidity.

@Eddieclarkk Jim White, deadline day legend #fact

@kieranmckelvie Can’t believe I’m working on transfer deadline day, missing jim white already

@UncleLroyCFC Love Jim White Day.. #Excited @SkySportsNews

@j0etaylor11 Deadline day isn’t the same without Jim White

@mike_cleary1985 @SkySportsNews no better way to spend my birthday watching #DeadlineDay and the greatness that is @nataliesawyer and Jim White

@PeteyHarris @TheLADBible Jim White made Rick Astley give him up #JimWhiteFacts

I logged on to twitter at 2:00. It was still full of bovine stupidity.

@wiz0012 Jim White, Jim White, Jimmy Jimmy White. He’s big and grey, it’s deadline day, Jimmy Jimmy White! #SkyDeadlineDay

@arcurtis Man date in front of the tv with Jim White later, can only mean Transfer Deadline Day..

@keaganvanzy @SkySportsNews five hours of cancelled lectures on deadline day. Jim White really is Santa.

@Fozzboss The day Jim White leaves sky sports will be the day the world ends basically Howard Wright ‏@aitchdoubleyou Jim White makes transfer deadline day so enjoyable

@AherneLaura Want to be Jim White?! Now you can with #SkyDeadlineDay cut-out-and-keep mask and tie! ->”

@JoeGrom I bet Jim White has been around the sky sports news team #DoesWhatHeWants

@stephenmarsh9 Haha Jim White is such a ledge.

Q. What’s wrong with the phrase TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™?;

@SkySports Will Lewis Holtby be a hit at #FFC? Don’t miss a thing on #SkyDeadlineDay wherever you are:

@SkyBet #SkyDeadlineDay FREE BET FRIDAY! Get your Jim White mask and tie on and win a £20 free bet if we RT! Get it here ->

A. As you can see its correct name is SKY TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™




One response

2 02 2014
So what’s cheesed me off in the last few days? | XXXXXXXXX Jet Set

[…] Read this to see why TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY™ is the epitome of TMF. […]

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