So why exactly are you against That Modern Football? Part 14

4 12 2013

52. When fans use the wrong sort of politics

It’s all here.

53. Assem Allam approach to criticism;

To slightly paraphrase the great man,My critics can die as soon as they want’.  The BBC website tells us more about Dr. Allam’s latest piece of subtlety in a report that includes this section;;

“A number of supporters protested during the game against Crystal Palace last week by unfurling a banner which read “We are Hull City”.

But the owner added: “How can they call themselves fans, these hooligans, this militant minority, when they disturb and distract the players while taking away the rights of others to watch the football, and of companies who have paid good money for advertising?”

There’s a bit more detail in The Independent.

54. Michael Owen’s moral relativity

If you’ve ever watched a premier league match on BT Sport then you too will have been able to summarise Michael Owen’s self-assured football wisdom within 20 minutes;

English players are “entitled to go down” but foriegners “go down too easy” in order to earn “soft free kicks and penalties“.

Going by the fact that Michael “went down a little too easily” in two consecutive world cup matches against Argentina, something he once admitted, it’s possible that he’s a performance artist working in the medium of irony.

55. The #casuallyobsessed hashtag

This entry is about two groups of twats; the irritating young wankers that arrange clothing on their duvets and the misguided young fuckers that take selfies while trying to look dead hard in branded clothes. You can see the extent of this intellectual hashtag here. (If you’re interested you might also like to see the Half Priced Hooligans twitter feed)

56. Official tweets

This entry refers to the tweets that emanate from verified twitter profiles;

Dion Dublin – “BBC MOTD2 for me tonight looking forward to it,let the green room banter begin #bereadytroops

Aston Villa – “We’re LIVE! Join the match console for banter, the best text commentary, images, polls and more.  #AVFCLIVE #SAFC

Carlsberg – “#HCAFC fans are not happy. #LFC fans are happy. Whose side are you on? Join in the banter and download #Strikr at

57. That Carlsberg advert

I should detest this advert because it’s the distillation of everything that’s wrong with that modern football but it contains a truth; in my mind the premier league and rollercoasters are connected, they both make me sick and give me a headache.

58. The passing fancies of our media

If you had read the BBC website on a particular couple of days two months ago you would have gained the impression that the BBC survey led story; “Football costs too much”, was the number one thing wrong with football.

Our 24 hour rolling news world has turned this story, the story that represented everything that was wrong with football, into “that story from two months ago”. By the 3rd December 2013 the big story had become “The use of flares and smokebombs”, or as the BBC website chillingly puts it;

Child fans ‘used as flare mules’

I know that flares and smoke bombs can become less than harmless fun if people start waving them around a little too enthusiastically. I’ve seen the burns caused by a flare and inadvertently breathed in the acrid smoke from a smoke bomb (not in the same match I hasten to add) so I know they can be dangerous.

Knowing this obvious idea is one thing, writing a sensationalist article is another. The flares issue is now just another media story, something that’s been seized upon and swallowed up in order to manufacture more content of momentary interest. This quote illustrates my point exactly;

“It’s the biggest concern we’ve got among fans at the moment,” Cathy Long, head of supporter services at the Premier League, told BBC Sport.”

Apparently the flares issue has relegated issues like “cravenly ineffectual regulation“vain autocratic owners”, “extortionate ticket prices”, “overzealous crowd control” and “a tangible undercurrent of alienation” to obscurity, or rather “temporary obscurity until the media feels like using the issues to manufacture sensationalist content for itself”.

If you still doubt that this process happens consider the issue of “concussion”. This issue only became an issue when Tottenham’s keeper, Hugo Lloris, suffered a head injury in November 2013 . Now we’re in December 2013  “concussion” is no longer an issue;




One response

4 12 2013

Wise words there. Can’t fault any of the above.

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