I like films as well you know

29 11 2013

A man cannot live on the chemically enhanced sliced white bread of football alone so I try and watch as many films as humanly possible.

Here’s a list of The XXXXXXXXX Jet Set’s  20   30   40 favourite films with a one line description;

1. The Third Man  –  Joseph Cotton searches post war Vienna for Orson Welles, everyone ends up in the complicated, and surprisingly ornate, sewers.

2. The Ipcress File – The anti-James Bond, accompanied by the soothing sound of a Jazz Trumpet, tries to work out which of his superiors is a traitor.

3. Battle Of Algiers – The story of Algeria’s struggle against France’s imperial power, most of the actors weren’t professional.

4. Land & Freedom – A Liverpudlian went to a cinema and ended up fighting for POUM in the Spanish Civil War, a taste of what society could be.

5. Closely Observed Trains During WW2 a rural Czech station becomes important to the Czech resistance and an apprentice station master struggles to find a girlfriend.

6. A Man Escaped – A man wants to escape from a Gestapo prison, does he manage it?

7. 2001: A Space Odyssey – How many films cover the entire span of human existence? Refreshingly free of annoying words.

8. Rififi Imagine a Lock Stock and Two Smokin’ Barrels in French with a proper story, proper actors and a 15 minute dialogue-free section.

9. Looking For Eric – Visions of Eric Cantona appear to a depressed postman and a community rallies around to defeat scally gangsters in terrible underpants.

10. The Big Lebowski -Sometimes there’s a man, sometimes there’s a man, plus nobody fucks with the Jesus.

Life of Brian -“You’re All Individuals!!!” “I’m Not”

Blazing Saddles – “My name’s Jim, but most people call me………….. Jim.”

11. It Happened Here – An independent film that shows what Britain could have been like if the Nazis had invaded, Warner Brothers’ trailer cost more than the film.

12. Hitchcock Films

Rear Window – Injured photographer and voyeur James Stewart gazes out of his apartment and suspects a murderer lives in the opposite building. Are his suspicions correct?

The Birds A man buys a bird for his sister and meets an attractive woman. The attractive woman virtually stalks the man and birds attack everyone.

North by Northwest Cary Grant is mistaken for a man that doesn’t exist by people that want to kill him, later on he meets an attractive young lady on a train.

13.The Godfather Trilogy – Will the best son stop being “normal”?

14. The Warriors – A gang has to get back to Coney Island on the subway, will they manage it?

15. The Sting – Imagine a Lock Stock and Two Smokin’ Barrels set in the 1920s with charm, wit and screen legends.

16. Das Experiment – An experiment; guards v inmates. A taxi driver, or is it a journalist?, becomes part of it and the guards become increasingly fascististic.

17. Bicycle Thieves – An Italian bloke has a bike, the bike gets stolen, the bloke and his son try to retrieve it.

18. Nineteen Eighty Four – Obviously an adaptation of the literary classic, depressing as hell. It’s ace.

19. Vanishing Point – An ex-cop, and ex-racing driver, delivers cars really quickly across America. Rednecks don’t like his free spirit.

20. twentyfourhourpartypeople -The story of Manchester’s music scene between the late 1970s and early 1990s, Alan Partridge plays the main character.

21. Seven Samurai -Seven Samurai protect a village from dickheads.

22. This is Spinal Tap – Shit Sandwich

23. Wild Strawberries – An elderly academic travels to a ceremony by car and keeps daydreaming about his lost youth.

24. Shane Meadows Films

Dead Man’s Shoes – A man seeks revenge and wears a Russian gas mask at one point.

Le Donk & Scor-zay-zeeJust calm down Deirdre Barlow, just calm down Stephen Hawking.”

25. Blow Up – Austin Powers’s rude dad normally takes photos of people as he insults them. One day he photographs evidence of a murder. The evidence is stolen and he sees the Yardbirds in a club.

26. Ashes & Diamonds – Set in Poland at the end of WW2, Maciek and Andrzej have been told to assassinate Commissar Szczuka, will they manage it?

27. Usual Suspects – 5 blokes, an identity parade, a boat and a Keizer Soze.

28. La Haine – Kids from the Paris suburbs are treated badly by stuck up Parisians.

29. Romanzo Criminale – The story of an Italian criminal gang, runs from the 1960s to the 1990s.

30. Children of Men – A depressing film set in the near future, it’s ace.

31. Le Mans – Steve McQueen races at Le Mans a year after the crash that injured him and killed another driver, will he win?

32. Science Fiction Films

Blade Runner – Is Harrison Ford an android? Rather satisfyingly we’re left to guess.

Fahrenheit 451 – Firemen set fire to books, can the lead character resist the lure of the books?

THX 1138 – Everyone’s bald and wears white in an extreme consumerist society from the future.

33. Hidden – Strange and unsettling things begin to happen to a middle class French family.

34. No Country For Old Men – A psychopath looks for money, someone else finds the money, will fate bring them together?

35. Pi – A mathematical genius finds patterns in everything so he’s  pursued by a fanatical Jewish sect and some arsehole bankers .

36. Spy Films

The Manchurian Candidate – The kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being they’ve ever known is really a hypnotised killing machine, will Sinatra be able to stop him?

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy – There’s a mole at the top of the British Intelligence, will Gary Oldman find who it is in time?

The Quiller Memorandum – An American has to infiltrate a Neo-Nazi movement, will he succeed where others have failed?

The Mackintosh Man – Paul Newman has to infiltrate a criminal organisation, you get the idea.

37. Quadrophenia – Mods v Rockers, Sting looks good a long leather jacket but he’s really a bellboy

38. The Shawshank Redemption – One prisoner’s obsession with posters of sexy ladies.

39. American Graffiti – Teenagers drive up and down an American high street all night, one of them might go to college.

40. Hell Drivers – Doctor Who, Number 6, George Cowley, James Bond and Sid James are involved in a crooked ballast racket. Stanley Baker doesn’t like.

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3 responses

24 10 2015
guyincognito76

This list still doesn’t include Jaws!

I’ve just watched ‘The Battle of the Algiers’ so that is why I was looking at an old post.

I was wondering though, considering you penchant for Hitchcock and French language films, why ‘Les Diaboliques’ isn’t on the list?

3 12 2013
Kowalski

What-EV-ER!!!

3 12 2013
Gareth Williams (@AReader9)

This list doesn’t include ‘Jaws’. As such, it has the same level of credibility as ‘Channel 5’s List of 50 Fittest Birds’.

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