What do hope, a Venn Diagram and a narcissitic sports pimp have in common?

14 11 2013
Port Talbot Town 1 Bangor City 2
Welsh Premier League
Bangor City 4 Gap Connah’s Quay Nomads 1
Welsh Premier League
Bangor City 0 Carmarthen Town 1
Welsh Premier League

Football is a wonderful thing,  it can be both brilliant and a dispiriting pain in the arse, although it doesn’t usually inhabit these states at the same time. The only time that these two states would co-exist is in a sentence like the preceding one or a Venn diagram that almost resembles a solar eclipse.

This mythical Venn diagram came to my mind on our trip to Port Talbot. I realised that the diagram would be a really useful aid for discerning gentlemen in pubs. It would enable discerning gentleman, people that always strive to lead by example, to sidle over to worthless morons that are annoying civilized people by arguing about football in that tone of voice they have to use and silence them with a brightly coloured graphic. The morons would then think about their lives in some detail.

The diagram would show how football looks to uninterested observers. One circle would represents “Brilliance” and the other “Dispiriting Pain In The Arse”. The small areas around the edges would represent these extremes, the times when  “Brilliance” and “Dispiriting Pain In The Arse” rear their heads. The massive area of overlap would show that most of football is actually a turgid and non-descript waste of time.

I had another, slightly related thought; there is only the slightest of slight differences between “Brilliance” and a “Dispiriting Pain In The Arse”. On the way down Gwynfor reminded Les and I that if Bangor lost, and results went against us, we could be in 11th position in the league by the end of the match. Whereas if we beat PTT we’d move up two places to 5th. We then realized that there was a good chance we could be in 3rd place if we won the two following matches versus Connah’s Quay and Carmarthen.

Reality backed up positivity for 7/9 of the three matches. Sadly a missing 2/9 is often enough to upset all positive endeavours in football.  The slim difference between brilliant and dispiriting was proven again.

Port Talbot was the epitome of welcoming again. Sgorio’s English language commentators shared a cup of tea, Port Talbot’s Chief Exec sold us a programme, Nige popped over for a chinwag and the chips and curry were most nourishing. Sadly I didn’t have enough money to buy one of the PTT Ultras scarves.

The match backed up my Venn diagrams in that it was a bit of turgid affair. The turgidity was partly enlivened by giant PTT Superman-themed flags and a half-time lead for Bangor. Ryan Green, who I once passed outside Molineux when he was youngest ever Welsh international, scored an own goal and Chris Jones scored a penalty. The best description of the second half would be “stout defenders holding firm in order to earn three points for Bangor“.

The Connah’s Quay match was an altogether different matter, we’re down at the “Brilliance” end of football for the next paragraph. After Connah’s Quay’s “shock” goal after two minutes Bangor produced some of the best football seen this season. Les cancelled out the first goal by miraculously outwitting both of his tight markers to head the ball in. The goal that put Bangor ahead was Brazillian in its brilliance; Sion hit the ball so sweetly with the outside of his foot that it flew from the outside of the area in to the top corner as far as physics and reality would allow. Bangor took control in the rest of the match with some of the most scintillating of flowing football and the second half goals were particularly satisfying.

Considering that a defeat in PTT could have resulted in Bangor residing briefly in 11th place Bangor’s situation was rather hopeful. dogged defensive determination in Port Talbot and authentic attacking artistry in Nantporth made it seem like Bangor’s form had turned tail terrifically.

Then the 65th minute of the Carmarthen match arrived and a Carmarthen player was running towards the Bangor area with the ball at his feel and only Lee Idzi to beat. I willed a miss but the bastard failed to miss. To cut a long story short, a potentious Bangor display was swiftly rendered pointless by a Bangor mistake and an opportunist goal. The goal directly led to Carmarthen’s big defenders retreating several yards and a gross time-wasting display by the un-genetlemanly keeper Cann. Here was the “Dispiriting Pain In The Arse” version of football.

Bloody Football, it raises your hopes only to allow narcisitic centre halfs, and we’re talking about the kind of narcisist that actually rolls up his sleeves of his shirt  to accentuate his biceps in front of a crowd IN A PROPER LEAGUE MATCH, to dash them by celebrating a scarely earned victory like a champion.

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Llandudno 1 Guilsfield 1
Cymru Alliance

Aside from the wind this match was mainly notable for the Llandudno fans that liked to bellow at their players for doing the wrong thing. I might not know much about football but I’ll got out on a limb here; I’m not sure players on your side respond to people bellowing that they’re rubbish.

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