So why exactly are you against That Modern Football? Part 8

15 09 2013

32. Half-arsed protesters

“I don’t like what the owner’s done…………………I mean, I respect what he’s done”

I hear that if you start your protest match at the right time you can still get in before kick off.

33. Journalists being “realistic”

“If that mean changing from blue to red, so be it” Yeah, It doesn’t matter does it?

34. A family that wears wigs together stays together

utd fans

35. More Marketing Bollocks

Puma asks a simple question; “what is human nature?”, and then answers its

For countless centuries, philosophers have grappled with one simple question; what is human nature? We know what you’re thinking, “Who cares about a bunch of old guys sitting on a mountaintop stroking their beards?” We do. And here’s why. The search for the truth about human nature isn’t just confined to the realm of philosophy. It has a place on the pitch too.

Why do we do we do it? Why do we turn up week in week out to play the game? Why do we spend hour upon hour kicking a sphere, perfecting our technique and trying new tricks? Why?

The answer is simple. It’s in our nature to perform. The better we perform, the more we enjoy it. And the more we enjoy it, the better we perform. That’s why we create boots that enhance performance and reflect your footballing nature. We call this the Nature of Performance and it’s at the heart of everything we do.

So now that we’ve taken the mystical journey into the human spirit, what have we discovered? Speed, Power and Control – this is the holy trinity of the Nature of Performance. Every footballer is born to play with one of these characteristics. And we design boots to take each of these elements to the next level.

Agüero has always been a Speed Junkie. Quick mind, lightning fast feet and the ability to beat defenders into the space – speed is in his blood. If it’s in your nature to be first to every 50/50 ball and leave the opposition in the dust, the new lightweight and responsive evoSPEED is the boot for you.

But for some players it’s all about pure power. Screamers from outside the box, hardcore volleys and venomous strikes, these are the instincts of the Power Hungry. Fàbregas is a naturally powerful player. He battles, outmuscles others and has one of the sweetest strikes in world football. Do you feel the power flowing through every muscle? If so, our new PowerCat will have you blasting the ball harder than ever before.

Then we have the Control Freaks. Players that caress the ball, place it under their spell and boss the play with precision. Yaya’s touch is exquisite. He’s all about technique, finesse and execution. When Touré controls the ball, he controls the game – plain and simple. Is it in your nature to find the perfect pass and make the ball your slave? The new King will make you a true master of control.

There you have it. The Nature of Performance revealed. So only one question remains….

What’s in your nature?

In case you’ve forgotten Puma is a company that makes sportswear.

36. People wearing matching T-shirts

I can’t think of a more tragic football-related sight than a group of men wearing the same t-shirt of a “cult” footballer on an “ironic” lads’ weekend. I don’t care how appealing the advert makes it sound;

On-Tour T-Shirts

What goes on tour… stays on tour. We know, we know! But don’t forget a Cult Zero shirt to let everyone know why – or for whom – you’re there.

 Bundesliga derby game?
Smudger’s 40th?
5-a-side tournament in Europe?
Make sure everyone in Borussia Park / Prague / Amsterdam / Blackpool*  know about it.
Have your agent call us and we’ll negotiate a price!
 * delete as applicable
Jesus, they’ll even turn stag do fuckwittery in to a marketable commodity nowadays.



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