So why exactly are you against That Modern Football? Part 7

14 09 2013

25. This t-shirt

imageHere’s their sales pitch;

“Are you part of the Playa Army? Love football? Whether it’s FIFA, real world or watching the big match, the boys at Copa90 will have the YouTube videos for you. Join the Copa90 army.”

According to the Urban Dictionary a Playa is;

“a asshole who don’t give a damn ’bout the only person that might have lov’d him/her, a “dickhead” who is with 3-4 persons at a time,a dumbass who makes out/have sex wit Whoever, uses and abuses a lot of gurlz/Boyz fo sex or money.”
Call me picky if you like but I’ll never join an army that’s overflowing with people like that.

26. Wales fans after a defeat

I’m supposed to care about the Welsh national team on account of my birthplace. The increasingly loud and annoying knee-jerk reactions that now inevitably follow any sort of defeat are solely testing my allegiance.

If I was left to deal with Wales’ situation on my own terms I could deal with the situation, mainly because I don’t mind the defeats or the general air of incompetence. I don’t see any point in getting angry about these natural things, Wales have only had two good chances to qualify for major tournaments in the last two decades.

The problem arises when there’s a synergy of The Banter and that horrible sense of entitlement. For example during Wales’ latest dispiriting defeat (Serbia at home on Tuesday) a mature, and fully functioning, adult human being tweeted the following;

“Surely a retarded monkey with aids would be a better manager than Coleman?”

The little lamb was “annoyed” you see. When I suggested that the author was a smidgen harsh in his assessment it turned out that I was the one in the wrong because I was “touchy”.

If I was to follow the Welsh script for the Welsh people I should love my Welsh brethren because they too are Welsh. In reality I’ve encountered more charmless tossers from Wales than any other place.

27. People that end arguments with a single word sentence.

This one could be subtitled; “Authoritative in the head looks rather less than authoritative on the page.”

This is kind of thing that I’m talking about;

“United will win nothing this season. FACT.” (The sentence may end with #Fact if they’re on twitter.)

Experienced tweeters know what the person is actually saying when they use the “FACT. gambit”; “Look chief, don’t bother disagreeing with me I’m soooooo much more cleverer and funnier than what you are, and my opinion is the only one worth listening to, by the way don’t be too hard on me, I’ll cry if you don’t like my opinion

28. “John Terry: Mr Chelsea”

Taken from here

“When John Terry takes to the field he looks more like a general leading his army into battle than the captain of a football team. Some great captains lead by example on the field while others are talented motivators of men. Terry is both.

Peerless in his own position as a dominant centre-half, he is just as effective barking out orders or imparting quiet words of encouragement to his team-mates.

It says a lot about Terry that when Jose Mourinho first took charge at Chelsea it was the English centre-half he chose to build his team around. Handing the captain’s armband to the towering defender was one of the ‘Special One’s’ first actions at Stamford Bridge. The Londoner took the challenge with relish and has not looked back since.

When he first broke into the Chelsea side it was obvious JT was marked out for great things, leadership being one of them. Even in his early days he cut an imposing figure on the field, but his footballing brain has been just as important to his success as his stature.

Few centre-halves are as adept at reading danger as Terry and it’s hard to keep track of the number of goal-saving tackles and interceptions he has made. England and Chelsea fans have got used to the sight of Terry putting his body on the line to block shots inside and outside the box.

Terry’s talents are not only limited to the defensive side of the game. Many an attack has been set in motion by one of his pin-point cross-field balls but he is at his most dangerous in the opposition penalty area.

Rival teams know Terry is the danger man, the one to watch from set-pieces, but time and again he evades his marker to get his head to crosses. And when he connects the ball ends up in the net more often than not.

In 2006 Terry succeeded David Beckham as England captain. It was the proudest moment in the 25-year-old Terry’s career and he led the Three Lions with his characteristic drive and determination. Alongside Rio Ferdinand he has formed one of the most formidable central defensive partnerships in international football.

With Chelsea he has won three Premier League titles, five FA Cups and the 2011-12 Champions League. He has twice been an integral part of double-winning Chelsea sides, first in 2009-10 under Carlo Ancelotti and in 2011-12 under Roberto Di Matteo.”

29. The premier league’s guide to attending a football match

Here are some “Tips and information for your big match experience.”

Where do I sit?

“Where you sit depends on who you will be supporting. You can’t beat sitting with your own fans, in an area where you can wear your shirt and scarf with pride, supporting your team.”

What if I’m not sure about something?

“Most fans are welcoming and if you have any questions ask the fan sitting next to you or a steward, who will be happy to help you.”

What if I want to fit in?

“Many supporters like to wear replica kit or official club colours, such as branded shirts, scarves and hats. Dress comfortably and check the weather forecast before you leave.”

When should I get there?

“Arrive nice and early to soak up the atmosphere. Stadiums open around 90 minutes before kick-off. There is always plenty going on at Premier League matches.

Teams enter the pitch to their own individual songs which help to build up a great atmosphere. Clubs advise fans to take their seats around 20 minutes before kick-off, so you don’t miss any of the pre-match excitement.”

Can I bring a camera?

“Fans bring cameras and mobile phones into the ground, but these are for personal use only and no recordings of the match can be taken and published on any websites.”

Can I buy gifts from a gift shop?

“A visit to a Premier League ground is not complete without a trip to the club shop/megastore. Clubs offer a wide range of merchandise from key rings and mugs to replica shirts where you can have your name printed on the back of your shirt.

Clubs do change their strip occasionally but if you buy a club strip, its life cycle should be made clear on the tag. There are usually unofficial vendors selling merchandise in the vicinity of the stadium – while they may offer cheaper prices, remember the quality may not be as good as official merchandise.

Many clubs have mobile units selling merchandise around the ground, so if the club shop is busy don’t worry you will still be able to buy your scarf and then visit the club shop after the match, when it may be quieter.”

Am I allowed to complain?

“Anti-social behaviour is unacceptable, so if someone near you is not ‘getting on’ then please make a steward aware so the club can make sure that you enjoy your matchday!”

30. The Sky Sports Pub Finder

There is actually a website that enables one to find “official sky pubs”. Hear, hear!!! No-one wants to encourage copyright theft or criminal smuggling gangs, by going to a pub with a Greek decoder.

31. When the Banter tries to mend TMF

Read all about it here.

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