Just when I thought I was safe, that I was clear, he reminds me of his bitterness and his power. Even though we’re separated by thousands of miles his greasy tentacles are still ruining my pies…….
2 months ago it was all so different…..
I was annoyed but upbeat on an April Saturday. On one hand I knew that my dream of a European football trip this summer was over by the 25th minute of the title decider on the outskirts of civilisation – You notice these little details when your team has collapsed to a 3-0 deficit. On the other hand I knew we were headed for the Europa League, therefore I knew that I would definitely miss the away trip; the Europa League qualifiers take place at a time when public sector workers of my ilk find it inconvenient to leave the country for more than a few hours.
Needless to say I didn’t care to be honest, at least I knew 4 months before the date of the match this time. At least I wouldn’t present my curly nemesis with a chance to prove his power over me. Yeah like I need to go to Europe anyway, travelling to club matches in Europe is like soooooo 2011. You can stick it all up your arse Platini.
Then Bangor City announced they were playing Bray Wanderers in a pre-season friendly on the 16th of June. I had to go!!! 2011 was sooooooo back in style!!!!
After a few brief conversations with blue army comrades I had plans to go. I started to look forward to the trip. I couldn’t help but externalise my joy;
“Yeah whatever Platini you cunt, you’ll never stop me from travelling to a Bangor City ha you curly fucker, what do you think of that eh. Oh you’re not so clever now are you fucking cunt, ha ha ha ha ha ha…”
– “…..I’m sorry sir, did you what to the return journey to leave from Dún Laoghaire or Dublin Port?”
“ermmmmmm, Dublin Port please”
Oh how sweet it is to book a ferry crossing!! I was going to watch Bangor City in a foreign country, finally!! Finally I would get to see my team play under another country’s sun. I started to count the hours until I was due to go!!!
Little did I know the carefree days were about to end………..
On Thursday night I awoke to hear the rain and wind battering our bedroom window. I thought nothing of this, it was June, the month of golden sun and flowers, for christ sakes. Besides it was the middle of the night, they don’t play football in the middle of the night, not even in June, the best of all months. It was raining a bit and the windows were rattling, so what, what did this matter? I thought nothing of my wife saying “I hope the ferry won’t be cancelled” That wasn’t going to happen, it was June for christ sakes!!!
On Friday’s drive to work, I thought nothing of the large branches lying at the roadside. I thought nothing of the fact they should have been swaying in the stiff breeze. I thought nothing of the fact they were lying at the roadside instead. I didn’t pause to worry, this was June, the best of all months, for christ sakes!!! I didn’t worry for the rest of the day, I just checked my travel details and thought about getting that Bray Wanderers fridge magnet. I had no worries, this was a Friday in June for christ sakes!!!
I arrived home and turned on my computer. I logged on to the Bangor City message board “Moidering Blues” because my excitement needed to read the excited posts of my soon-to-be fellow travellers. A glorious comrade had written the following;
“for all those who have booked day tickets on ferry– tough ,no refunds on them, if the ferry is cancalled or delayed there is a £10 voucher to be spent with the toerags!
A least a mugger looks you in the eye when taking your money”
I failed to twig what the message was about so I didn’t worry, this was June for christ sakes!!! Then I scrolled down the page and read this;
“Looks like a day out in Dublin instead then!!”
I forgot it was June. Then I scrolled down the page and read this;
“Confirmed as cancelled”
Something inside my head fell on its side. I checked in the Bray Wanderers website;
“The friendly game against Bangor City due to be played at the Carlisle tomorrow (Saturday) is OFF due to inclement weather.”
Then I realised something, that Curly fucker has done me again!!
The prick’s stopped me going to watch Bangor City away for a third, no fourth year running!!! He’s made it fucking rain in fucking June, the best of all months. It’s all because the curly prick didn’t want me to miss Poland v Czech Republic, an event brought to us by McDonalds and Hyundai.
I consoled myself with the thought that I would be able to get a refund on my ferry ticket. Roughly one minute after consoling thought came to me my hopes of financial restitution were in tatters. The law-talking community would calmly state that “Stena line’s terms and conditions” crushed my hopes of financial restitution but I know the real reason, and he was born in Joeuf.
The coup-de-grace happened at rough 6:12 last night. My fucking phone began taunting me. I received a text stating that my return sailing was currently on time and that check-in is now open. I read this sitting at home in north Wales. Platini must have shares in Alcatel.
You watch him draw Bangor City with a Finnish club for the 4th year in a row.
Kowalski
Eric Blair
Harry Lime
Kevin Price
Llandudno Jet Set 
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