“So do you like your new t-shirt dear?……….Oh sorry, I thought you liked football!!!”

6 05 2012

At about lunchtime yesterday I needed a sandwich so I walked  towards ASDA. I chose ASDA because it’s Llandudno’s premier aircraft hanger-style supermarket. Just before I went to pick out another delicious example of the sandwich factory operative’s art I saw this T-shirt;

I’ve always thought that the invention of football should be celebrated and I see no harm in telling the world that you love football but I never ever thought that I’d live to see the day when those two sentiments would be added together on the same t-shirt. Consequently when I saw the t-shirt I was was quite literally amazed.

When  I say “amazed” I mean a dumbstruck sort of amazed. What exactly is the fucking point in a t-shirt like this?  Which ASDA gobshite gave the go-ahead?  Which gobshite was responsible for designing it? Which gobshite wants to despoil the nation’s high streets? I WANT ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM NOW!!!!

The fucking t-shirt is so wrong on so many levels there aren’t enough levels of wrongness. Firstly, where’s the punctuation? A comma wouldn’t take up as much room as they think it would. Then there’s the glorification of “us” at the expense of “them”? What’s that all about? “We” may have invented the sport but “we” haven’t ruled the sport since the early part of the 20th century. The invention of something is often less important than the way it develops. When was the last time “we” played a major part in developing football on a stylistic or tactical level? “We” didn’t produce the Danubian school (I know Jimmy Hogan was British but he was ignored in this country due to distrust of “arty-farty style“), the 4-4-2, Catenaccio or Total Football. The conceit underpinning the t-shirt is exactly the same conceit that powers our media in the run-up to major tournaments.

Now let us turn to the aroma of rank lairiness enveloping the creation. It puts one in mind of yet another summer, the glorious time of hectoring voices in beer garden sunshine. Now let us consider the designer of the t-shirt. Firstly can you actually call the production of this piece of shit “design work”? I can see how a designer might think it is but I can also see them sitting at their desk, wearing a contented smile, safe in the knowledge that they’ve been suitably knowing and ironic.  I’ll bet they’ll have pictured a thousand and one British tourists strutting around European resorts wearing this t-shirt. The designer is probably ecstatic that his design will be used to metaphorically stick two fingers up at “the foreigners” by teaching them all who God’s chosen people are. These fucking designers are fucking repellent people aren’t they?

When t-shirts based on lazy football stereotypes start appearing in the shops that don’t normally stock football memorablia you suddenly remember that a commercial bonanza disguised as a football tournament is around the corner. I do wish the wankers involved in producing and selling this shit would learn the value of discretion.




One response

7 05 2012
Welsh not British (@welshnotbritish)

I also was in Asda recently and purchased two Wales football related T-Shirts in red. Not bad for a fiver each. Here’s a link to a photo of them if you are interested. http://bit.ly/J9p8et

The above T-Shirt though is obviously aimed at the English fan, probably dreampt up after Fifa turned them down for the World Cup. If you cant win then you can at least tell them you invented it.

The problem we have in Wales is that the English supermarkets ship their English branded shit into our country because we have so many of them living here and the moment we make a fuss we are branded as being racist. I suspect they’d think twice about doing the same in Scotland.

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