That was the day that was

20 06 2011

6:55 am – I wake up with a head full of unshakable bleakness.

8:20 am – I walk to work in the lovely summer sun. The joy I should be feeling is masked by the darkness.

9.40 am – I log on to UEFA’s website to check time of draw  (Midday CET) I do this to check if they’ve managed to include Bangor City also  – They have. The doom clouds everything.

10:35 am – I get final confirmation from our man on the inside that Bangor are in a mini group of 12. We can draw BATE, Rosenborg, Wisla Krakow, HJK Helsinki, Malmo or Shamrock Rovers.

I have two emotions; Anger (Platini didn’t listen to me) and Hope (I’m not asking much; Shamrock Rovers, home leg first, both matches on Wednesdays). The darkness starts to have a silver lining. My sun is rising!

11:05 am – Second Qualifying Round draw commences. My sun is back, bring me sunshine, bring me Shamrock!!!!

11:19 am – Bangor City draw HJK Helsinki. Jesus Finland again. We are away first. I can’t go.

My worst fears are confirmed, I have a mental eclipse.

11:20 am – Despair has descended, Platini actually hates me.

11:34 and 10 seconds am –  HJK Helsinki’s more intellectual fans start leaving messages on Bangor City’s main message board;

– “What do you think the next happen now? RAPE TIME!”

“HAMMERTIME! will be a knockout in the first leg. “

– “Listen now you cunts! You’re shit and you now you are. I say that 5,6,7-0 atHelsinkiand maybe a draw away. I’m sorry but you don’t stand a change. You somehow won against Honka but you most certainly wonät win against us!”

“It’s rapetime! Bangor’s pub fatties will be in big trouble.”

– “It’s barbeque time!”

“We have Litmanen, Jari Litmanen! You have fatties, pub fatties!”

– “massage it with an egg! HJK to win on 9-1 aggregate.”

“Be careful when you arrive to Helsinki. This time it will not be funny village team in the forrest like Honka was. HJK is a huge club and they have notorious firm called sakilaiset. Avoid them if you can:

– “We have won professional teams 5-0, 5-1 and 6-2 so far this season so I can’t see no reason why we wouldn’t hammer an amateur team on the field.”

“Most of your players are at work now and meanwhile inHelsinki.. The professional players are on the training field practicing for the next game.”

12:09 pm – The more sensible HJK fans have their say;

–  “I think most of the trolls you’re getting at the moment have nothing to do with HJK and more with you humiliating Honka last year.

Granted HJK is the most hated team inFinland(23 times champion). We expect to go through from this draw, but past results have shown there is no room for arrogance. See you in Helsinki and Wrexham?” 

“Welcome toHelsinkiand friendly apart from those monkeys like sakilaiset”! Most of the people will be nice”

12:35 pm – I curse the soul of Monsieur Platini.

12:50 pm – I curse the soul of Lennart Johnansson.

12:55 pm – I curse the soul of Artemio Franchi.

1:05 pm – I curse the soul of David Cameron.

1:30 pm – I curse the soul of Jamie Redknapp.

2:00 pm – I curse the soul of Harry Redknapp.

2:30 pm – I curse the soul of Louise Redknapp, and Tim Lovejoy.

3:00 pm – Our man on the inside tells me that they’ve switched the ties around. Now we are at home in the first match. Now I can go! NOW I CAN FUCKING GO!!!!

3:20 pm – Someone else texts me; “Nothing’s been confirmed yet, don’t book anything!”

3:25 pm – I wonder how long the flights to Helsinki will be available.




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