Putting a rocket up the powerful….

17 06 2011

I have just sent this e-mail to my hero Michel Platini, I hope it does some good….

“Cher Monsieur Platini,

On Monday Bangor City will finally take their place in the ante-chamber of the room containing the top table of European football and we cannot wait to taste the detritus of reflected glory. I say “finally” because the vicissitudes of UEFA’s blue sky thinking meant that Wales was once considered bereft of a televisual market capable of producing adequate revenue streams. As a result Bangor City was cruelly shifted to an adjacent property with smaller tables in 1994 and 1995.

But do not fear monsieur, that’s ancient history and we Bangor fans have suppressed the injustice deep within. At present we Bangor fans are too busy awaiting the draw with all of the enthusiasm that is humanly possible to worry about ancient history. We cannot sleep for thinking of the tantalising possibilities that the draw provides. Actually monsieur it is because of the draw that I am writing to you. I am asking for two points to be considered.

My first point is that I would like Bangor to be drawn at home in the first leg. If we are drawn away I can’t go due to the timing of the school holidays – As Eric might have said to Andrew Preview; “I have all the right holidays but not necessarily at the right times!!!”

My second point is that I would like a kind draw. I do not mean this in terms of the opposition’s playing strength (although this would be nice). I am referring to the proposed displays of the Bangor City flag drapers. Please indulge me on this point as experience has shown that one has to be careful with flags “on the continent”.

– In 2006 I was prevented from displaying a flag in Graz because a steward told me it was “Too Politisch!!”
– In 2003 I was waiting for a friend outside the San Siro when two muscle-bound ultras ripped a big  flag  from the clutches of two Carmarthen fans.
– In 2007 I went to watch Shelborne v Dundalk and I was nearly the victim of flag theft.
– In Montenegro Ultras value stolen flags as trophies and this was witnessed by my friend Phil

I don’t want to become the victim of a vicious attack or cause a diplomatic incident I just want to fly my flags. Unfortunately I sense my flags could cause offence if we drew the fans of the following clubs;

Dinamo Zagreb are “….predominantly right-wing in political outlook and have an extreme nationalist and Nazi element among their support.

Wisla Krakow – “Unfortunately there is a dark side to Polish football. The rivalry between Wisla and Cracovia is so bitter and idiotic that it often descends into bouts of intense violence amongst the supporters, sometimes involving unlucky bystanders…..”

Slovan Bratislava – In April 2007 a group of their supporters displayed a banner carried the words “Alles Gute Adi (“Happy birthday Adolf”) and a smiley face in a form of Adolf Hitler.

APOEL – They are known to be a bastion of DISY supporters, the right-wing party now in opposition. An unofficial website proclaims the team is “100 per cent anti-communist“.

FK Partizan – They’re mates with Rhyl F.C.

Please bare the fact I want to avoid these clubs in mind when you’re performing the draw Monsieur Platini. If it’s not too much trouble I’d also like you to bare in mind the following points as well.

The hammer and sickle flag could offend fans of clubs from ex-state-socialist countries as they might see it as a reminder of Stalinist tyranny, not as a symbol of POUM or Eurocommunism. I don’t posses the requisite language skill to debate the point.

I have another flag that contains the Palestinian flag and  I can imagine this might enrage Israelis; please can we avoid Maccabi Haifa?

I don’t want to go to Sturm Graz either because of the over-zealous stewarding

Monsieur Platini this leaves us with; Malmo FF, Shamrock Rovers, Rosenborg and HJK Helsinki as suitable candidates. Please try to make it one of them!

Please remember that your schedule from last season cost me a holiday, you owe me!!!

Yours in Football,

The Llandudno Jet Set”




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