Baneful Banter Besmirches – STOP IT NOW!!!!!!!

3 05 2011

There now follows a short appeal on behalf of the “Anti-Banter Collective”

“Banter” is defined as;


an exchange of light, playful, teasing remarks; good-natured raillery”

When put like this “Banter” is something that sounds positively charming. It sounds like  just the thing to lighten a mood when stressful feelings are building. In the realm of football “Banter” can clearly play the role of safety valve. This is a very important role as everybody knows how important footy is to the glorious country of Britain.

In fact “Banter” has always played a role in football.  For years football would be the first thing that workers  talked about  on Monday mornings. You wouldn’t need to engage in a deep discussion just make a few light observations before work took over your week “Alright mate, I told you you’d lose didn’t I?” ETC ETC ETC ETC…….. There must have been countless times when a well-timed volley of “good-natured raillery” has diffused tension as well. “Banter” could be avoided but unfortunately our society’s ability to avoid “Banter” was outlawed in 1994.

1994 was the year that “The Man Laws (1992)” came into effect in England and Wales. These laws finally made certain social practices acceptable in Britain, practices such as; the wearing of shirts with button-down collars, listening to soulless reinventions of 1960s guitar bands and casual sexism. The laws also made liking “The Footy” compulsory.

One of the unintended consequences of the “The Man Laws (1992)” was that “Banter” became ubiquitous and incessant. In fact “Banter” has become the only way  football fans communicate with each other, in fact that football is now all about the “Banter“.

If you bear the definition of banter in mind you may think this is all a bit of fun; some joshing, some high jinks, a bit of “good-natured raillery”. It can bring families closer together; “As well as getting more involved in football banter with my 8 year old son….” But this is not the case any more.

Comrades, all this must stop, and it is within our power to end it.

We, the Anti-Banter Collective, only have only policy; The Man Laws must be repealed, AND THEY MUST BE REPEALED NOW!!!

They must be repealed for the sake of British humanity, our society must be saved. The new outbreak of “Banter” was not the “good-natured raillery” of the past. This “Banter” was just like Oasis – It appeared to be the same as the nice stuff from the past but it was only a shell covering a black void.

Some people now consider “Banter” as the one of the main characteristics that makes “British Lads” special. In case you are unaware of “British Lads”, they are “a british phenomenon; beer chugging, banter loving, footie watching, womanising man.” Naturally you should avoid anyone conforming to this profile as they will be complete morons.

If you want to see the negative effect of “Banter” in football just go onto any internet message board, 99% of the stuff is “Banter”. Deviants wanting to commit the degenerate crime of using thought before expressing an opinion are herded into the ghetto sections of the boards. Consequently “Banter” is almost exclusively used by complete morons and complete morons don’t know where the “Banter” stops. In the hands of morons “Banter” soon ceases to be “good-natured raillery” to become “uncouth shouting” or “hate-driven shite”, as many of us will have experienced on a train journey after a football match.

But it’s not only that Comrades, the Man has been using “Banter” to sell us his world view. The Man has been telling us that “Banter” is what real fans do, just like the  “Real football banter from real football fans” available  here. The Man’s ideas force companies to involve themselves in the “exciting” world of “Banter”. During the last England match the world was made aware that Umbro wanted us to get involved in “Banter” with them on facebook.

Comrades I have found a direct causal link between “complete morons” and “hate-filled shite”. During my research I came across a group on Facebook glorifying the fact that 96 Liverpool fans died as the result of the Hillsborough disaster. As the Liverpool Echo put it;

“A FACEBOOK group set up to mock victims of the Hillsborough disaster was shut down after concerns were raised about its content.

The social network page was entitled “96 not enough”, in reference to the number of Reds fans who died in the tragedy.

Pictures of the 1989 tragedy were posted on the site, along with offensive and upsetting comments.”

The piece of excrement that had started this group looked and sounded all of 20 years of age. He’s obviously too young to fully grasp the impact of the Hillsborough but that didn’t stop the disturbed little cunt . The excuse he used for the groups’ existence was “Banter”. You don’t need to search far on Facebook for other gross misuses of the word “Banter”;

1) From the group “KOPITES ARE GOBSHITES!”

“The babies not yoursssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss, the babies not yourssssssssssss, Oh Steven Gerrard, the babies not yours………..ITS ADEBAYORS, ITS ADEBAYORSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.” (A Reference to rumours about Steven Gerrard)

2) From the group “English Football Banter Come on LADS lets have it”

“Chelski are rentboys Manure are glory hunterss its a disgrace that every season the title ends between them”

3) Also from the group “English Football Banter Come on LADS lets have it”

“‎(WE ALL HATE SCUMCHESTER AND ALL THEIR SUPPORTERS :P) then u put (United will do the double) u know what ur so fukin bright u tit u got it right the other day u sre so fukin boarin lfc for life.”

4) Yet more from the group “English Football Banter Come on LADS lets have it”- Look at the badinage!:

Andy Niven: what a shite page 

English Football Banter Come on LADS lets have it: Suck out!

Richard Howlin Foster: then dont use it and leave muppet 

Andy Nevin: Paedo

All of these examples are  fairly tame compared to the slow death of western civilisation represented by football message boards.

Comrades we can stop this!!!

On the message boards people seem to think that by typing a sentence unbound by intelligence (or the  rules of grammar and spelling) they are actually adding something to civilisation. Comrades we must stop these people like this!!!!  

These people must be challenged. They are the endpoint of Thatcher’s Britain; a place where there is no such thing as society, just people and their stupid opinions.  “Banter” represents the triumph of the individual over the rest of us, as if we have the right to listen to what these tossers say. Comrades we can fight against the last vestiges of Thatcher by educating this morons with ideas of etiquette and logic.

The problem is so large that Thatcher’s world view has even made its way into the murky world of the Welsh Premier League. Bangor lost a few games early this month so out “they” came with their “Banter”;

Bonio – “Its all gone quiet on here from you lot. I wonder why?”
daggerman – “all viewing their interiors via their posteriors – all got their heads up their arses :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

The thing about football is that your team can win but they can also lose, Comrades we must remind these people of that fact.

To these people it’s easy to bask in the glory and join in with others when they start “Bantering” but the trouble occurs when their emotion replaces their consideration. My research has shown that there is a causal link between dishing it out and not being able to take it. Tension inevitably results from this. If all situations were considered properly most people would see that “Banter” creates an unneccesary vicious circle of one-upmanship. 

The main problem with this type of “Banter” is that it usually involves no thought or effort. We need to pressure these idiots into putting a bit more thought into their posts, it’s not too much to ask surely. A bit of deliberation never hurt anybody, in fact a bit of thought usually prevents message board embarrassment. A bit of thought can even lead to amusement via a person writing something entertaining or even witty. I always live in hope but I prepare for disappointment, we need to make a stand comrades

They say the past is a different country and they are probably right, There used to be a time before the hate, a time when supporters of different clubs could get on, and even work next to each other in a factory,  without feeling the need to use the word “scum” when talking about football.

We must fight for the older, better values to reappear. We must fight for better standards comrades!!!




2 responses

4 05 2011

It would be good if football could learn a thing or two from rugby…

4 05 2011

The Echo of Lost Dreams…

Sally meets a mystery man who’s tall, dark, and handsome, but she doesn’t have time for him. She doesn’t have time for anything. Since a bizarre accident, she can’t get a good night’s sleep. Her dreams are filled with terrifying visions of her dea…

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