I used to think the truth was elementary*

18 04 2011
*When reading this article feel free to use the words “truth” and “reality” interchangeably.

I suspect that North Wales isn’t that different from other areas of  Britain – “the truth”, or “reality” to use another word, is a relative concept. There are slight differences in the interpretation of untruths however. In most areas of Britain they say “There is no smoke without fire”, in north Wales we go straight to the forest to look for traces of smoke.

If you were like the Llandudno Jet Set you would spend a lot of time in the football grounds of north Wales. Consequently you  would find that north Walian football is a den of intrigues, where gossip is around every corner and rumours are the currency of acceptance. In fact you would hear enough rumours to keep tabloid editors in work for months. It’s another question whether the world is ready to hear about the extraordinary eating habits of Ruthin Town’s star striker or the extra-marital activities of Porthmadog’s stalwart captain.

When you’ve heard a lot of this stuff you will know when a bloke has something to say  as the signs become easy to spot. Firstly the bloke will stand near you wearing  the smug expression of somebody that’s “in the know”. Then he’ll look you in the eye and start to open his mouth. Then he will pause dramatically for effect – not only will he wait for your full and undivided attention, he will wait until you are agog. When he starts to speak again he will use  the words  “I’ve Heard…..”. He will think he is John Simpson.

Unfortunately he will sound more like Marge Simpson. Here’s a tip, when you hear those words stop listening and disregard everything else. The rest of the sentence will be a load of bollocks. For example;

“……player X wants to leave club Y because the players A and C are getting £4.50 a week more at club Z ”


“……that players S and T had a fight with player U over the last Jaffa Cake so player B wants to leave”.

Of course, he’ll try to assure you that the information is the gospel truth. He’ll claim  he’s  heard the information from the  secretary of ( Llangefni  / Cefn Druids / Llanrwst United / Nantlle Vale Reserves)  in ( Menai Bridge’s chip shop / Bangor’s high street bookies / Llanrug’s house of ill-repute / the witness box of Caernarfon’s crown court ). It’ll still be a load of bollocks.

It’s not only gossip that features in north Wales’ internecine network of whispering;  the smearing of a club’s reputation features heavily too. In this shadowy network  tall tales are reality. Incidents seen and heard by the members of the network will be unseen and unheard by the other members of society.

Unfortunately this group is not part of the plot in Dan Brown’s latest crap novel, this shadowy group actually exists.  For example a splinter group from the main movement controls the message board used by fans of all Welsh Premier clubs.

In the last few months this message board has seen more shit spreading than an overworked farmer. Phantom incidents involving “Bangor’s scum fans”  have been witnessed and described in intimate (and breathless) detail. Phantom rumours about Bangor have been spread for the good of society.

The board is ruled by three groups. The  diseased opinions of these three groups has created a melange of multi-level stupidity, scientists say this melange is threatening to obscure logic. The first group are the fans of clubs that have lost to Bangor at some point this season. The second group are idiots nursing the chips upon their shoulders. The last group are people displaying a long-term, irrational hatred of the righteous values of Bangor City.

Bangor City’s faltering quest for glory in the WPL has  presented these twats with the only moments of glory worth anything in the 21st century; message board laughter via a smiley 🙂 .

Recently the Bangor-Baiting season commenced, it wasn’t particularly pleasant but knowing a confederacy of the spiritually braindead  was controlling events diffused the pain.

This atmosphere has added a new layer of antipathy towards Bangor. (The existing core of ill-feeling was mostly propagated by morons following Rhyl). The bizarre situation of “hatred” between Bangor City and Rhyl is a fantastic example of the effect of the absence of truth in north Walian football; no-one seems to know why the rivalry appears to be so fierce yet it exists. The Rhyl fans have created or encouraged this, used it and actually succeeded. They have made the Bangor fans look like the perennial villans.

Now I know that there have been a couple of silly incidents involving Bangor fans that haven’t helped our image, but in the grand spread of world history they weren’t earth-shattering events. Unfortunately a direct result of the loudness the Rhyl fans use when talking about “Bangor’s scum fans” is that we Bangor fans have gained the status of  folk devils in the eyes of other, easily-led, fans.

It doesn’t matter that 99.5% of Bangor fans have absolutely nothing to do with anything remotely unsavoury, people just listened to the noise, added one 2 to the other 2 and concluded there was no smoke without fire. The main thing was that Bangor’s reputation was tarnished, there wasn’t much truth behind it all but since when did that matter? Consequently Bangor are now subject to segregation  in any big match, a situation befitting the folk devils of the Welsh Premier League. 

“……In consultation with Rhyl Football, the FAW and the football unit of North Wales Police, it has been decided to use the segregation facilities available at Belle Vue on Saturday, for the Welsh Cup Semi Final match between Bangor City and GAP Connah’s Quay.

Clear signage will be shown outside the ground to assist fans to make their way to the appropriate turnstiles.

Bangor City FC fans should enter the ground through the left hand turnstiles, and occupy the Grange Road Kop End terraces behind the goal together with the George James covered stand on the left hand side of the ground.

Neutral supporters and Gap Connah’s Quay supporters will enter the ground through the right hand turnstiles, and will therefore occupy the Arriva Stand and Coronation Garden goal end.

Sterile areas will be manned by the police and stewards provided by both particpating clubs and Rhyl FC, and passage between areas will not be allowed.

In a statement, Rhyl FC, our hosts for the day, “wish both clubs the best of luck for the semi-final, and look forward to your co-operation on the day with the hosting club.”

Yes that’s segregation with Connah’s Quay, a club for which nobody could conceivably have any ill-will.  In fact we were not only segregated, all pubs, watering holes and dens of inequity were off limits, daughters were locked up and the area was locked down. Loudmouth morons had obviously been adding the to their creation of “Bangor Scum” by putting the word about. This is the effect of rumour, gossip and scaremongering as the truth about the behaviour of Bangor fans was somewhat different;

Mind you twats never want the truth to get in the way of things do they?




One response

7 04 2013
Do you know why I love semi-pro football? It’s the friendliness | Llandudno Jet Set

[…] I know there’s a bit of rivalry between Rhyl and Bangor City but surely this was a bit of an over-reaction for effect; “boards will be placed on the windows for obvious reasons” is it? Is that really necessary? Come on landlord, Bangor fans are not barbarians, if only you had remembered the Rhyl Visitor’s letter page from the week after the last Welsh Cup semi-final Bangor played in Rhyl; […]

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