The end of an era

25 08 2010

So sky sports news has been removed from Freeview, oh dear.

The Jet Set would have had trouble coping without this crutch before but that was a time when we used to have a problem. We had to fight the urge to press 8 and 3 in quick succession. Usually we’d fight it by displacement, (The technical term is called “watching Minder”) but whenever there was a commercial break we’d turn over. It was too much of a struggle. We just had to find out the latest news.

This behaviour was the latest manifestation of the obssessive-compulsive behaviour that we’ve displayed for years. It used to be called “Teletext Syndrome”.  According to a well known medical website “Teletext Sydrome”  was marked by;

“…the chronic need to find information, (just in case another sentence had been added in the last five minutes). Most sufferers operate under the delusion that by simply looking at information on the pages of teletext they would influence the outcomes of events in the real world.  This behaviour was especially related to football matches played on Saturday afternoons”

The condition may have mutated into “Skysportsnews Finger” but the symptoms are basically the same.

The good news is that I’ve learned that the condition is easily treated, the really good news is that the treatment works almost instantly. After one session of therapy we have been able to see our problem, deal with it and then take steps to make sure it doesn’t reappear.

Now we feel that we can deal with life without the following;

  • Nauseating stories with puns shoe-horned in to any gap available
  • The fine-tooth comb treatment of the big issues – What Rooney said to Owen over the F.A. Cup semi-final breakfast table. 
  • Red-hot pictures of  players leaving training grounds in cars with blacked-out windows whilst a moron speculates. 
  • The mustachioed gobshite who follows England everywhere.
  • The question, “But what will it mean for the fans?” asked with all the sincerity of Davina McCall.
  • The instant interest that Sky TV develops in something when they buy the rights for it. “Sky Rides? Sky Rides is it? By Christ! They’ve only been interested in cycling for five minutes and now they’re making us do it.”

Finally, why is  sky sports news shit?

– Because it’s like this but their presenters are serious.




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