They just can’t resist it

26 06 2010

By Christ, we’re in the World Cup now, the xenophobia is up to 11!!!! It’s all because some arrogantly efficient, mullet-wearing, beach towel carrying, Mercedes-driving, goose-stepping German bloke called Franz said our boys didn’t play well.

Yesterday the Jet Set saw how they do it in London town. The flags were fluttering as we passed the student union of London’s University College  in the mid morning sunshine so we stopped to gaze at the posters in the windows. How did this august seat of learning choose to advertise the forthcoming Germany v England match? A poster containing the phrase “They don’t like it up ’em!!!”. (It’s a phrase from World War Two comedy programme Dad’s Army in case you didn’t know).

We thought that it must be a joke, for a start the phrase had exclamation marks!!!!! A nano-second later we had another thought, surely an institution that’s based on the idea of  human development through enlightenment wouldn’t choose to advertise a football match against Germans in such a way. They wouldn’t use such a crassly stereotypical attitude regarding Britain, the War and the Germans, would they? But there it was in black and white, another nail in the coffin of civilisation. We would think that, we’re fully paid up members of the PC Brigade (We’re also special constables in the fun thought police at weekends.).

To be fair to the soap-dodging students they’re like soooooo not the only ones to indulge in a spot of like stereotyping and like other stuff with this match; today’s Mirror front page.

It seems that Germany’s footballers are scared of lions. Because they’re petrified of lions and because there are embroidered lions in England’s badge the Mirror claim they’re really scared of playing  England too. Of course were  England’s players ever to be faced by man-eating animals the heroes of the hour; JT and Stevie G, would rip the animals apart with their bare hands. They wouldn’t think twice.

The reality of the Germany and the Lions is somewhat different;

Then there’s the Daily Fascist, ooops we mean Daily Mail,

Aside from wanting you to realise how petty some players can be – “I’ve sold my stuff already, can I have my gift back I’ve only got the  proceeds from the auction, you can’t do this I won the bloody world cup!” –  this “newspaper” wants you to remember that the Germans are our evil enemies. In case you didn’t  they printed this peace of shit as well:

Just like the beach towels, they get their jibes in first
by Paul Harris

Just when you might have thought it was time to forgive and forget, Germany mounted a war of words on England’s football hopes yesterday.

In the xenophobic equivalent of creeping out at dawn to put their beach towels on our sunloungers, they got their jibes in first as our boys prepared to do battle in South Africa tomorrow.

They suggested our goalkeepers were ‘nincompoops’ and cited Adolf Hitler among the ‘prominent Germans’ who have always troubled England. Then they shamelessly boasted that they’d nicked our hotel.

The unprovoked attack broke a fragile truce between the two countries, aimed at trying to avoid some of the ‘Achtung! Surrender!’ style headlines that blighted Euro 96.

So there we were, trying to keep things dignified (albeit with a couple of exceptions) – when the enemy’s biggest newspaper devoted an entire page to an anti-English rant.

The most xenophobic English newspaper is complaining about “xenophobic” attacks in the German tabloids. How do they react to this? By indulging in their own xenophobic attack. They’re lazy xenophobes as well, the best they can come up with is the old chestnut about beach towels. “The Enemy’s biggest newspaper”???? – conclusive proof these fuckers are still living in the late 1930s.

These “stories” make you wonder about the editor’s purpose, why the hell would you publish this “story” the day before a game between England and Germany? Well zey are ze Germans and zat is what zey are like, Gott und Himmel!!

The best story in all this is Geoff Hurst urging England fans to forget the past! Here’s a quick tip Geoff, if  we’re going to forget the past don’t remind people of it by starting sentences with the line; “In 1966 we…….”.

The past eh? Isn’t that the place where Geoff earned his right to carry banging on about football ad nauseum. Isn’t that the place where they created the great rivalry we all love. If people did forget the past they’d have treat the Germans as “normal” people, maybe Geoff has a point

If the English hate the Germans because they’re the big rivals that would mean England are big rivals for the Germans too. Q.E.D. –  They must hate the  English. Well, they don’t actually. Even Franz Beckenbauer,  the target of much English tabloid ire in the last week, doesn’t;

‘I like England and I like English football,’ he told BBC Radio Five Live. ‘Maybe it was a reaction because I was disappointed”

It’s not that the Germans are all about peace and love, they don’t like the Dutch very much but even that may be on the way out .

Never mind journalists, just carry on doing what you do best; stoke up xenophobia and then criticise others when they do the same. Carry on you bunch of twats, carry on…..



One response

27 06 2010

The three lions picture is all very good except that another lion has clearly been cropped out of the photograph.

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