“Us” are back

14 06 2010

Tomorrow North Korea take a break from threatening Nuclear holocaust to play in the World Cup. They actually play football? They play football like a normal country, does this mean they’re normal? They can’t be normal can they? They can’t do normal things like go to the gym, surely. They can’t use a normal gym with normal equipment surrounded by normal people.

Look! A normal world cup team is training in a normal gym. My god, think of the security implications, let’s hope they’re not suicide trainers!!

It’s no wonder that a lot of the Jet Set’s associates are supporting the Stalinists, they’re much nicer than Portugal et al.

As you may or may not know, North Korea last qualified for the world cup in 1966.

The “plucky North Koreans”, you always have to refer to them as plucky, were almost refused visas because of the Cold War. Thankfully they were allowed entry and they made a little piece of world cup history. They also made quite an impression on the locals;

They were so well liked they were affectionately dubbed “US” by the crowd in Middlesbrough. In fact some of the crowd were so taken they followed them to the quarter-final at Everton.

(Here are highlights of the famous quarter-final)

Bloody hell, British people welcoming foreigners, we thought that everybody agreed with Enoch then. Next they’ll be telling us that people didn’t really hate the Germans in 1966 .

“When Geoff Hurst’s shot bounced off the bar and on to the line and was controversially given as a goal by Russian linesman Tofik Bakhramov, England were almost home. It was only left to Hurst to run through and complete his hat-trick – or, as Wolstenholme so famously put it: “And here comes Hurst. He’s got… some people are on the pitch, they think it’s all over – it is now! It’s four!”

A British record 32.6m viewers watched on television as Moore collected the trophy and midfielder Nobby Stiles danced his way around the Wembley turf in jubilation, and the whole country began to celebrate.

Weeks and his team left Wembley a couple of hours after the on-pitch celebrations had ended, having wrapped up their post-match interviews, but London was still in the mood to party.

“There were 10 or 12 of us – cameramen, soundmen, producers and so on – who had all left our cars at BBC Television Centre about five miles away, so we decided to walk back. Word must have got around that we were on the streets and people were desperate to share in what had just happened to us.

“They brought us wine and beers and talked to us in the street – it was like we’d just won the World Cup. They wanted to know what it was like to be there, wanted to shake hands with the World Cup final cameraman. It was incredible. People were so happy and it was such an innocent happiness. We didn’t get back to our cars until five o’clock in the morning.”

Bloody hell, no mention of sticking it to the Krauts. They’ll be telling us that Argentinians and English people can get on next,”We don’t gerrr ooon, we’ve always ‘ated ’em chief!”. Oh look, a photo of Maradona with Queen in the early 1980s.

Who said nationality involves invented traditions?

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