How the hell?…how?…..HOW?

5 09 2009
Bangor City 2 Llanelli AFC 3
Welsh Premier League

A few minutes into this game and Chris Sharp was very quickly on to the other end of a through ball. Before you knew it the ball was in the net. Llanelli skillfully constructed their equaliser. A nice run from their number 15 was finished with a pass to Griffiths and again before you knew it the ball was in the net. Llanelli looked quite good but Bangor were also quite effective on the break. It was an enjoyable game. It became even better when Sharpy scored a penalty, it was a rather soft penalty to be honest. Soft penalty, what did we care? We were ahead, we were back on track. It was my birthday, what a present!!! 

The events of the second half rather rudely interrupted our joy. About 15 minutes after half time Smithy, rather uncharacteristically, let a Legg free kick slip awkwardly through his hands and legs into the goal. Anyone who’s been in that position will be able to sympathise. If you never have felt like that, here’s a brief taste you lucky lucky people.

(This all happens in slow motion by the way.) The situation begins with a feeling that’s best described as uncomfortable. This feeling occurs when the presumption that you’ll save the shot becomes the horrifying realisation that the ball has dribbled by, or through, your attempts to stop it. This feeling is made worse by the next step; you suddenly spring into action with the thought; “It’s ok, don’t worry, I can still stop it!!!” Your arm comes down to stop the ball but horror of horrors, the ball has travelled more quickly than you presumed and you are clumsily grasping at the ground. The ball has already passed marginally over the line. The following thoughts come to mind; (In roughly this order.) “No-one will notice if I move the ball back over the line very quickly.”…… “Christ, the striker is already celebrating with a cheer”…….”The cheeky bastard is now laughing at me. How can he do that, doesn’t he have feelings?”………….”I hate that bastard!!!”…….

You just feel hollowed out by it and there is not a more wretched feeling on a football pitch.

Llanelli then scored again to lead for the first time. Things took an even more disturbing turn after the goal. The jittery, very annoyed, and very impaitient players in red now became the cynical time wasters known as model professionals. Their Number 6 for example; whilst Bangor were winning he was a snarling metronome, setting a quick pace whilst offering expletives. After Llanelli went ahead he became the epitome of cynicism, every attempt Bangor players made to claim for anything or quicken the pace or prevent the ball cross the goalline or anything was met with a smug, and one might say snide, grin. Twat.

At this point we’d like to say “Step forward Billy Idol alike, Chris Holloway, you win the “Biggest Comeback Since Lazarus” award.”

There he was; prostrate, immobile, vultures circling. He was “gone”, bereft of play. If he hadn’t been writhing on the pitch he’d be polishing up the subs bench! ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is playing surface, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ squad invisible!! HE WAS AN EX-FIT FOOTBALLER!!

Then the magical ball, with its restoritive powers, flew past our prone hero and he can now summon up all of his meagre strength to spring up immediately and chase after Les Davies. It’s enough to make you wonder what he had the gall to be laughing about whilst he was warming down after the game.

The piece-de-resistance. Just as we were celebrating the blessed equaliser the fickle flagging of officialdom intervened. Somehow the scorer, Jamie Reed,  was adjudged to be offside. This was despite the fact that the “Pass” to him was actually a shot blocked by a defender, Legg. It was disallowed despite Legg being the last person to touch the ball before Jamie. It was disallowed despite it  looking like Legg had touched the ball with his hand. It was disallowed despite the fact Jamie was standing BEHIND the striker of the shot (Smythy). Apart from all that there was nothing wrong with the decision.

I haven’t felt this annoyed about a result for decades.

Refs OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

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