1% Inspiration

31 10 2008

If the events of the last week have taught us anything it’s that people who moan enough can get what they want. You don’t need to know what you moan about either. All you need to do is dislike the sound of something that someone has told you they don’t like the sound of. 

The target must be carefully chosen however, you simply can’t go off moaning about everything!! The target will work in the public sector (they are accountable to us, we pay the wages.) However the next step is trickier, you can’t just go straight from one person disliking another to a national campaign. The next step will be obtaining the backing of the more reactionary newspapers.

To get them on your side, follow the would-be victim of your justice around and note what they do. Then drip-feed the details of any less than glamourous activities they get up to. Remember to take your camera as there’s nothing like a photo of a famous person walking down the street to get a paper’s interest, e.g. “So and so, forgets his keys!! He’ll be outside for a long time!!” Then start a letter-writing campaign. “WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?” “DOESN’T HE REMEMBER THAT WE PAY HIS WAGES” etc etc. Before long the paper will come around to your way of thinking; 

The machine will now be in motion.  Aging right-wing hacks will jump on the story in order to appear part of the solution, step forward Kelvin McKenzie. Encouraging these sorts of “journalists” is likely to leave one feeling particularly dirty but they will perform a vital role; they will give the story some kind of legitimacy by crow-barring their long-held prejudices in to it. After their job has been done just sit back, watch the e-mails flood in and wait for the resignation.

Brothers and sisters, let us extend the campaign to other members of the liberal media elite. For too long they’ve clogged up our airwaves with their inane “entertainment”. For too long we’ve had to pay for their executive lifestyles with our licence fees. Who do these people think they are? I propose Timothy Lovejoy become the target of our campaign.

The case is very simple, you can’t watch him or listen to him without wanting to punch something. His obviously faux-love affair with “footy”, his overbearing laddishness and his general smugness are reasons enough. Doesn’t he realise he’s a public role-model; his acts will be treated with reverence up and down the land. One recoils in horror at the thought of his earlier work for Sky. 

To put the issue another way; his very existence as public sector broadcaster is an affront to public decency. When we’ve got him off the air we can turn our attention to DJ Spoony, Alan Green and the big prize; Christopher Moyles, but we must take one step at a time.

Come on brothers and sisters, to your computers!!




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