You either have it or you don’t

17 10 2008

Some time last year I realised that I’d been unable to dress in the correct style, the style that befits a member of the Llandudno Jet Set. I just couldn’t find the threads that had that je ne sais que. I scoured the boutiques of Berlin, Paris, Milan, London, Hartlepool and Llanfairfechan but the search was fruitless.

My quest drew a blank so I decided to recharge my spiritual batteries with a week in that lovely Atlantic isle, Madeira. News of my arrival leaked out and I was met at the terminal by the local paparazzi. He left after I had provided the sultry pose he was after.

After three days of Chillaxing with the beautiful people I grew tired of the constant complements and rapt awe whilst I performed my anecdotes (well one would, wouldn’t one), so I decided to have a stroll around the charming city of Funchal. After a few minutes my jaded mood suddenly lightened; I came across the boutique that offered the attire that I craved!!!!

It was wonderful, I felt just like Lord Carnarvon discovering the last resting place of that dusty bloke in bandages. There was so much to aspire to owning in the boutique. The Je ne sais Quoi finally dropped the ne when I looked at the boutique’s hefty literature, the style was entitled; “metrosexual Mediterranean stallion”.

With so much tastefully designed apparel on offer I couldn’t decide what to purchase. I finally settled upon a sequined manbag. I vowed to the owner that I’d return. I just had to remember the name of the boutique, CR7. I tapped into the Blackberry’s memory.

My manbag has drawn some very admiring glances in the months since I arrived back. Unfortunately I haven’t made it back to Madeira so my wardrobe has started to feel stale again. I began to feel post-modern ennui again. I was just about to self-medicate when I came across this story on the internet.

My heart lept with joy, CR7 were going to open a new boutique in Lisbon. Hurrah!!! Style is now only a short airline ride away. Whilst reading the story I realised why the clothing lines were so stylish;the owner was one Cristiano Ronaldo.

Just read the following and try to contain your excitement.

“For fans who want to dress like Ronaldo, the store includes all the essential wardrobe items for a metrosexual Mediterranean stallion style, including diamante studded belts, jeans with leather pockets and patent buckled loafers.”

Anyway I must dash for my plane or those patent buckled loafers will be sold out.

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