Flint, where it’s at!!!

Flint Town United 0 Bangor City 1

Welsh Cup 3rd Round

A Welsh Cup day was upon us again, what a lovely phrase!!! Over the years these days have become synonymous with revelry, frivolity and much laughter. The memories of Welsh Cups past lay heavily on our recollections, everybody seems to make more of an effort to enjoy the day. It’s as if we expect them to be better days, more enjoyable, more drunken. To be fair they usually are.

I met the other adventurous handsome heroes in Llandudno Junction and the atmosphere was building, gradually. We arrived in Flint with plenty of time to have another good Welsh Cup day, the chips were hot, the beers were cold and the cobwebs were numerous.

After paying 20p to enter Flint’s social club there was yet more beer and Arsenal versus Spurs to keep us going. I was so deep in discussion about the perniciousness of the market economy that I almost forgot to leave for the ground in time. We arrived just before kick off.

Watching football in Flint’s ground puts one in mind of the Vinnie Jones opus “Mean Machine”; the environs hint at a prison compound. Having said that, the brutal chic  is different from the railing and livestock backdrop we usually see at Bangor away matches, Cae-y-Castell actually looks like a place where football is played.

We were attacking the end with less trees in the first half and were nearly behind early on. Smithy came out and smothered the ball, in the manner of a soldier protecting his comrades from a hand grenade. Then Smithy collided with Brewie, in the manner of Hulk Hogan dispatching Ric Flair over the ropes. A few minutes later Brewie left the pitch. A few minutes later Flint’s fans cheered for some reason. We didn’t know why, the ball was clearly not over the line. We saw this very clearly from our position. Then we scored and celebrated as such. Then the goal was disallowed. Then we heard the ridiculing laughter. Then we went quiet. Then Football Genius scored, a header, BANG!!!!!! Then we laughed, life was good!!!

The second half was rather uncomfortable, but in a comfortable way. We could have scored a couple; we hit the bar twice and there were a few breaks that looked promising. Due to the nature of the scoreline every time Flint had the ball in our box we clenched, each time could have been THAT horrible moment. To release tension fans will try to find a safety valve, this time we chose the opposing keepers’ idiosyncrasies. He cried; “Left!!!”, we cried; “RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT!!!!” He cried; “Alan!!!” We Cried. “ALAN!!! ALAN!!!! ALAN!!!  STEVE!!!! STEVE!!!! STEVE!!!” Mash cried; “DEMIS ROUSSOS!!! THOMPSON TWINS!!!” It was all very juvenile but it helped to ease the tension and in this credit crunch nervous tension can lead to terrible health problems.

The final whistle meant relief and another trip to the clubhouse. As we found in Aberystwyth, positioning is everything when you’re hungry. This time we had a man by the split in the curtain. Les, the inside man, steadily supplied us with contraband peanuts and sandwiches. A cunning steward spotted what was happening and cut off our supply. Quick-footed Les was Indiana Jones for a split second, he narrowly avoided the snap of the curtains shutting. Draws and Bangor fans don’t seem to mix, we just can’t keep a lid on our exuberance. They had to do the draw behind closed curtain. News filtered out through the door, we’d drawn Ammanford!!!! No, no, no, no, we’d drawn Aberaman. We left Flint happy, on a train.

The Road to Hamburg Continued…..

So how is the Road holding up? Well there are no bottlenecks yet.

2nd Qualifying Round

Honka Espoo V Bangor City - Honka Espoo won 3-0 on aggregate

3rd Qualifying Round

Honka Espoo V FK Qarabeg – FK Qarabeg won 3-1 on aggregate

Play-Off Round

FC Twente V FK Qarabeg – FC Twente won 3-1 on aggregate

Group Stage

Fenerbache 1  FC Twente 2 

FC Twente 0  Steaua Bucharest 0

FC Sheriff 2  FC Twente 0

FC Twente V FC Sheriff

FC Twente V Fenerbache

Steaua Bucharest V FC Twente

Well there goes the theory, Bangor gave up the baton and it’s been passed on and passed on and passed on…….

Democratic Deficit

10:35 pm: I write this as Herr Griffin is about to insult the British people by appearing in public. We will report back later…..

…..11:40 pm: Herr Griffin appears to be the man who never said nuffink. He is the most mis-quoted, taken out of context and  mis-represented person in Britain, apparently. Luckily there is plenty of evidence on the internet to remind Herr Griffin of what he has said.

There is also plenty of evidence from tonight’s Question Time that when the Fascists are pushed slightly to explain themselves, or when logic is applied to any of their core beliefs i.e. “The Problems of Modern Britain”, they  came across as stuttering buffoons. Herr Griffin was almost unable to explain any ideas coherently, what a shit politician, what a cunt of a person. At least more people can now see this for themselves.

He’s lost the dressing room!!

That would surely be a sackable offence in any job, losing an entire room. “I just put it down somewhere, now where did I put it?” Imagine if there were people in there at the time!!  Gareth Southgate has been sacked but not for that crime, he’s been sacked for the wholly unreasonable faux-pas of being 4th in the League and one point off top spot. Fair enough too, how are the ‘boro fans supposed to cope with another failure to qualify for the Champions League?

Why aren’t Middlesborough in their rightful place? Why isn’t every club in their rightful place?…….. “That Megson, he’s reached a dead end, he gotta go”……That O’Neill, what’s ‘e doing, we ain’t ever gonna win the league like”……..”Rafa, Rafa, Rafa, 4 defeats on the trot, 4 defeats!!! not good enough, you gotta go”……..”Arsene, you’ve lost the plot, you gotta go!!!”………”I didn’t go to the game like but e’s gotta go”………”I’ve played Championship Manager, it’s not that hard!!”……….” ‘e’s lost the dressing room!!”……..

Famous Bangor City Fans

Number 2

(In an occassional series)

The Musician John Lennon

The Road to…………

After the match in Wrexham a few of us talked about Bangor playing Athletico Madrid in 1984. After they beat us Athletico went all the way to the final, would Honka do the same? In the manner of the Road to Wembley, let’s do a Road to Hamburg!! We start with Bangor City of course.

If Honka did win the Trophy at least we could say it took the winners to knock us out!!

Let’s see then.

2nd Qualifying Round

Honka Espoo V Bangor City - Honka Espoo won 3-0 on aggregate

 

3rd Qualifying Round

Honka Espoo V FK Qarabeg – FK Qarabeg won 3-1 on aggregate

 

Play-Off Round

FC Twente V FK Qarabeg – FC Twente won 3-1 on aggregate

 

Group Stage

Fenerbache 1 V FC Twente 2 

FC Twente V Steaua Bucharest

FC Sheriff V FC Twente

FC Twente V FC Sheriff

FC Twente V Fenerbache

Steaua Bucharest V FC Twente

Europe, all over the place.

Now that the Europa League is back on, it seems about the right time to share our experiences from earlier in this season.

Bangor City 0 Honka Espoo 1

Europa League 2nd Qualifying Round

With all of the excitement  leading up to the draw weeks ago you would think that excitement would be tangible but you’d be wrong, it felt quite anti-climactic. I’d missed the trip for the first leg so this was a very pale imitation. About  30 minutes before kick off we found out who we’d playing the next round, if we got through obviously. We’d play…….FK Qarabeg from Azerbaijan. Bloody Nora, I don’t have the kind of cash required to get to Baku just lying around. Why couldn’t Rosenborg have won, it’s only £330 for a return by Coach. In other words, no Bangor European trip for me. The anti-climax doubled.

Even though it was all an anti-climax first hand reports from half-time in the first game still gave me hope we could win. They made it clear that we could win, but would this idea be clear after the game? It certainly was clear from about half an hour in that Honka weren’t too good. This fact was perfectly illustrated by their goal; it took a mistake to present them with a clear opportunity to score. They sat on the lead and frustrated us. The fact that we now needed 4 goals obviously obviously deflated the players.

The worst thing about this game was that Honka quite clearly reinforced the first hand reports from Finland; They quite beatable. It was very annoying. To compare them to Midtjylland, there is no comparison. Midtjylland could pass, Honka couldn’t. Midtjylland could shoot well, Honka couldn’t. We just couldn’t apply much worthwhile pressure onto them so we didn’t have many chances. Most people put the deciding factor down to their higher level of fitness. Then to top it all, the fuckers didn’t even hang around. They were tracksuited and sitting on their coach before some of the crowd had left the car park.

Fulham 3 Vetra 0

Europa League 3rd Qualfying Round

Two weeks on from Bangor’s exit and I was in London. I checked in to my luxury accommodation and it is refreshing to see that the spirit of Rachman is alive and well. 12 to a room, sinks hanging off wall, unknown stains on wall etc etc. Well, it was £9 a night. At these prices polite service is an option. On my whistle stop tour of London I paid my respects to the International Brigades, found a great deal of annoying tourists (not like me obviously) and prayed that the threatening clouds would not produce rain in the following evening.

Fulham’s ground is in a very lovely location. From the Fulham Broadway tube station you traverse a park then walk down a very pleasant street. All of a sudden you’re there; a tasteful row of brick buildings houses the main stand. Being there, looking at the back of the famous cottage, and the Main Stand’s orangy brown facade, you are again reminded that unfortunately the football grounds of Great Britain are becoming personality-free zones. Where are the little quirks and the interesting oddities in the income-maximising porridge that passes for our modern super-stadia? We’ll return to this subject at a later date.

You could really savour the idyllic urban location, if the weather was pleasant, unfortunately it was pissing down. There was no time to stop and stare lest you contract Swine Flu, not that I had been worried by the multitude of adverts everywhere. Luckily I had to queue for my tickets and even better the queue was reasonably large. The booth didn’t have my ticket, another queue to wait in. After this it got even better.

Outside the turnstiles there was a seething, directionless mass of people. Fortunately everyone was remarkably good natured about everything. When I finally made it to a turnstile my ticket wouldn’t scan in the reader, bloody Nora! As I went to tell a steward he told me; just tell him to rip the stub off, so much for modern technology. Thankfully the Fulham fans were still serene. The serenity might be due to a simple fact; Fulham seem to have a lot of Posh fans and it is unseemly to express displeasure loudly. Today I saw the Poshest fans that I’ve ever seen queuing to get into a football match, it was all Tweed and elegant dishevelment.

The match was preceded by a minute silence for Bobby Robson but I’d obviously missed that, although I had seen the nice tribute of scarves tied to a gate outside the Cottage. The match was so-so in the first half, Fulham had most of the possession and most of the chances. Vetra looked skillful in places but seemed to lose their way near the point where you should really think about shooting, or something like that.

At one point I realised that I’d been there nearly an hour, an hour of dampness, an hour of clammy slight discomfort. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as October due to the humidity but clamminess never feels right. The whole evening could have been a total disappointment if it wasn’t for the charm of the Fulham fans. Despite their team failing to score there were no people shouting incoherently. There were a few disapproving murmurs but there were no bulging veins. I even had a conversation with someone, yes a conversation with a complete stranger in London. The whole situation had an unfamiliar feeling. After 20 minutes of hard thinking I remembered what this feeling was; Paitience!!

This outlook was rewarded after nearly an hour when Fulham took the lead. Not long after that Fulham scored their second and third. The main architect of Fulham’s win was Clint Dempsey. The American pulled the levers very effectively.

I was glad that Fulham had won, they have the nicest fans I’ve met in a long while, I felt a warm glow as I left amongst the happy throng. I trudged back to the tube, slowly getting  soaked and the thought of my palatial accommodation jabbing at my reverie. The glow dissipated.

Aston Villa 2 Rapid Vienna 1

Europa League Play-Off Round

The next stop on the Jet Set Euro tour was Villa Park. Rapid Vienna are one of the more evocative names in European Football; Speed, skill, the exotic. Ever since I’d trespassed in their ground I’d had a soft spot for them. A bit of research on You Tube would reveal to you that  their fans are quite passionate and quite loud, they do a wonderful rendition of the Lambada. When I found out that this match was only £15 a ticket it was chance I didn’t want to miss.

Greying skies greeted us in the grey city. The Bullring offered interesting photo opportunities and possible bankruptcy. A Wetherspoons offered slightly cheaper food than Llandudno and the railway offered cheap travel. As we came closer to the ground we took in the sights and smells; sizzling burgers are your gateway to football. After picking up our tickets we waltzed around the ground and we could hear the Ultras Rapid in full voice, it sounded fun. Just before our turnstile I noticed a booth selling tickets in the away end. Shit, we could have been up there!

We went in and they’d sold out of programmes. I went to have a look at the Ultras and they were loud, a steward casually remarked; “They’re Nazis ain’t they!!!………..guffaw……….guffaw”. We made our way to our seat and passed some youths doing Nazi salutes with a finger under their noses. Ye Gods, I’d been there five minutes and I already wanted Villa to get hammered. We found “our” seats; the ones with a bit of legroom. I began to snap away at the Ultras, they had been singing for fully 15 minutes now and it all looked very impressive.

Just before kick off the Ultras began some choreographed moves. Just into the game most of them had removed their shirts. Everyone one of them was on their feet. I tried to read the banners but there were too many. It was all very very impressive. The Villa fans were evidentially stuck to their seats and instructed to remain silent.

Then Villa got a penalty and their fans awoke, the glue had worn off!! They made a quarter turn to taunt the Ultras before you could say “What a Bunch of Arseholes!!” Ashley Young calmly missed the penalty and the Villa fans calmly returned to their silent protest. The Ultras calmly returned to their chanting. I calmly continued to snap away.

Villa were awarded a second penalty. Villa’s fans near me made the same journey but this time the remained in gloat mode as Milner scored. Several minutes later the gloating was accompanied by a considerable rise in “armstretching-as-celebration”. The Ultras continued to chant and I continued to snap. The behaviour of the Ultras was probably more enjoyable to watch than the match.

Just before half time my snapping ceased. A steward told me I wasn’t allowed to, it was against the rules or something. Jesus Christ, it’s as if the Newspapers and Premier League are actually worried that their syndicated snappers, with their giant lenses, will be made redundant  by fuzzy ouput from us fans. What are clubs going to do next to protect their copyright? Develop a forcefield that wipes your mind just as you leave the stand? Then you will only be able to remember things through officially licensed outlets.

Villa doubled their lead early in the second half and the fans gloated with added relish; there was a flourish to the arm-stretching. Their fans then had the cocksure look of people who knew they’d won, it was all very annoying. The Ultras never gave up, the noise was constant. They were still shirtless. Villa could have scored a few more but the Ultras were never silenced. Then Rapid were on the verge…… The ball bounced in the 6 yard box and there it was, 4 yards from goal…….The goalkeeper was helpless!!!……. The Number 16 swung his leg at it………..The ball flew over. The gloaters stretched forth once more. Even then the Ultras keep up their rhythm, maybe they knew something.

The ball went into the area again, a save!!! Number 16 was near the ball, he had an awkward shot, the ball was in!!!!!!! The Ultras seemed to pulsate from where we were standing. The gloating was now absent. How silly those people looked now!!! Number 16 wasn’t finished, he had the ball at his feet again, he was in the area again!! He just needed to sidefoot the ball into the goal…………. The clumsy bugger somehow trod on the ball. The match remained at 2-1 to Rapid, Villa were out.

20 minutes after the game and we were on another cheap train towards New Street. Some Bloke droned on. To condense his ideas “O’Neill should go, he’s gone as far as he can. It happens every time, with every manager, they lose it; Taylor, Gregory, Atkinson, all of them!!!” One is left to wonder; If this is a perpetual situation why doesn’t he just go in the good seasons? In fact why doesn’t he try a new hobby, flower arranging for example as it’s creative and calm. But why am I carping? What would football be without the cast-iron, copper-bottomed, never fail, certainties that fans hold dear? Less irritating probably.

Note to Self: When people start to moan on public transport turn up my radio.

Note to Self: Buy some headphones

Llandudno Jet Set FC Update

The more observant amongst you will have noticed that the fixtures column on the right (Now not needed) had not been updated for several months.  Why the lack of effort? Was it due to the fact that we lost to nearly everybody? We lost to teams we could have beaten and teams we perhaps should have beaten.  Was it sour grapes?

Not really. Losing becomes a habit the pundits will tell you and it’s true, we couldn’t win at some points. Habits become second nature so we just got used to it. For example, our losing streak was annoying at first but the more it went on the less we began to care about it. Also we soon realised we weren’t the best team (a nice case of understatement) near the start of the competition, so that kept things in perspective.

It’s not that we didn’t try it’s just that the losing habit didn’t seem to bother any of us too much. When the other team scored, the resigned expressions appeared and that was that. We continued to try after every goal we conceded but it was usually pointless, we hardly won. Then we would  walk off the pitch without a word, offered a one line appraisal of the match  if we could be bothered (usually along the lines of “Jesus, How…..?”) then we went home without a word. It didn’t matter whether the other team was in the middle, at the top or at the bottom of the table it was the same reaction; We’d lost, move on to next week.

We did have some good moments too, a few flashes of gold in the pan. Usually these happened against the better teams. Maybe these moments kept us coming? And there were some teams who were pleasant, fair and nice. It didn’t matter that we’d lost to them, at least they played in the right spirit.

If the losses didn’t lead to a lack of enthusiasm what did? Well to be frank it’s difficult to care when you’re faced with the following;

People who hold the league’s regulations as an unbreakable moral code but don’t feel quite the same about the laws of our society. People who seem to think that you’re merely a canvas upon which they must display their greatness (throw in people that shout nonsensical rubbish a lot here). People who think that it’s fine to try fancy stepovers, indulge in lairy piss-takes of their team mates and laugh at their adversaries when they’re leading by the wide margin of 2 goals to nil. People who do the above but don’t like it when they’re not winning so they whine and foul and whine and foul and whine and foul. 

To sum up our feelings, it’s difficult to care about the league too much when you’re faced by people that seem to think that they are somehow very special people because they’ve won a game of football. These people have somehow forgotten that the league is in Llandudno and Llandudno is not a very big or a very  important place in the big scheme of things.

 

How the hell?…how?…..HOW?

Bangor City 2 Llanelli AFC 3

Welsh Premier League

A few minutes into this game and Chris Sharp was very quickly on to the other end of a through ball. Before you knew it the ball was in the net. Llanelli skillfully constructed their equaliser. A nice run from their number 15 was finished with a pass to Griffiths and again before you knew it the ball was in the net. Llanelli looked quite good but Bangor were also quite effective on the break. It was an enjoyable game. It became even better when Sharpy scored a penalty, it was a rather soft penalty to be honest. Soft penalty, what did we care? We were ahead, we were back on track. It was my birthday, what a present!!! 

The events of the second half rather rudely interrupted our joy. About 15 minutes after half time Smithy, rather uncharacteristically, let a Legg free kick slip awkwardly through his hands and legs into the goal. Anyone who’s been in that position will be able to sympathise. If you never have felt like that, here’s a brief taste you lucky lucky people.

(This all happens in slow motion by the way.) The situation begins with a feeling that’s best described as uncomfortable. This feeling occurs when the presumption that you’ll save the shot becomes the horrifying realisation that the ball has dribbled by, or through, your attempts to stop it. This feeling is made worse by the next step; you suddenly spring into action with the thought; “It’s ok, don’t worry, I can still stop it!!!” Your arm comes down to stop the ball but horror of horrors, the ball has travelled more quickly than you presumed and you are clumsily grasping at the ground. The ball has already passed marginally over the line. The following thoughts come to mind; (In roughly this order.) ”No-one will notice if I move the ball back over the line very quickly.”…… “Christ, the striker is already celebrating with a cheer”…….”The cheeky bastard is now laughing at me. How can he do that, doesn’t he have feelings?”………….”I hate that bastard!!!”…….

You just feel hollowed out by it and there is not a more wretched feeling on a football pitch.

Llanelli then scored again to lead for the first time. Things took an even more disturbing turn after the goal. The jittery, very annoyed, and very impaitient players in red now became the cynical time wasters known as model professionals. Their Number 6 for example; whilst Bangor were winning he was a snarling metronome, setting a quick pace whilst offering expletives. After Llanelli went ahead he became the epitome of cynicism, every attempt Bangor players made to claim for anything or quicken the pace or prevent the ball cross the goalline or anything was met with a smug, and one might say snide, grin. Twat.

At this point we’d like to say “Step forward Billy Idol alike, Chris Holloway, you win the “Biggest Comeback Since Lazarus” award.”

There he was; prostrate, immobile, vultures circling. He was “gone”, bereft of play. If he hadn’t been writhing on the pitch he’d be polishing up the subs bench! ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is playing surface, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ squad invisible!! HE WAS AN EX-FIT FOOTBALLER!!

Then the magical ball, with its restoritive powers, flew past our prone hero and he can now summon up all of his meagre strength to spring up immediately and chase after Les Davies. It’s enough to make you wonder what he had the gall to be laughing about whilst he was warming down after the game.

The piece-de-resistance. Just as we were celebrating the blessed equaliser the fickle flagging of officialdom intervened. Somehow the scorer, Jamie Reed,  was adjudged to be offside. This was despite the fact that the “Pass” to him was actually a shot blocked by a defender, Legg. It was disallowed despite Legg being the last person to touch the ball before Jamie. It was disallowed despite it  looking like Legg had touched the ball with his hand. It was disallowed despite the fact Jamie was standing BEHIND the striker of the shot (Smythy). Apart from all that there was nothing wrong with the decision.

I haven’t felt this annoyed about a result for decades.

Refs OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Curlers, Clairvoyants and the Jungle Army, plus other tall tales.

Newtown 1 Bangor City 2

Loosemore’s League Cup

18/8/09

 

Newtown was the birthplace of Robert Owen but from a certain, recent, perspective Newtown AFC have not seemed co-operative to me. The case for the prosecution m’lud; we’ve drawn a few and lost a few, “the crowd control approach”, I became a victim of flag theft in the debacle known as 2009‘s League Cup Final, etc etc etc. On the other hand there was the 2008 Welsh Cup Final and our semi-final postponement from that year, where the refreshments were as free-flowing as the rain. With a bit of hindsight it’s very much a case of 6 of one and 2/3 of the other, whatever that means.

 

We arrived in Newtown and the town appeared to have been closed down. Solitary pedestrians were the only sign of life. It was eerie. Trying to find a pub with nourishment proved almost impossible. As we undertook our fruitless search the lifeless town centre seemed to be a harbinger of bad news. We found little to suggest that there was a match tonight and this added to the unease. A lack of posters is so unlike Newtown. Had we come on the wrong night?

 

Some time later and the existential clouds had cleared; we found a pub with food and after dining we found a match poster. We were sated and we were in Newtown on the right night!!! As the philosopher once said to me; “It certainly make ya tink!!!“ We humans seem simple, yet irrational. A black-tinged feeling had descended but then two small details change and everything was rosy. Is the difference between a good life and a bad life that narrow? Of course we could still lose and all that summation would be bollocks.

In the ground there were only the usual baker’s dozen of “League Cup Away Ultras”. We did our bit; mostly silent determination. Seemingly every Ultra had the same thought; “It’s a little out of place to be the only person singing”. That’s not to say that we didn’t offer an encouraging bon mot or 3 when it was required. This calmness is the very opposite of the illogical, often incoherent and frequently unpleasant “Premier League Fan”. 

The approach paid dividends near to half time. We won a free kick near the Newtown penalty area and Les spoke up: “One-Nil, Smythe”. And it came to pass. Mark struck one of those shots that’s appears to be heading into the goal as soon as it has left the taker’s boot. Our arms were in the air just after the ball was around the wall. 1-0 half-time.

Just into the second half I felt the need of the toilet so I thought it might be expedient to visit the toilet. I heard the unmistakable noise, Bangor had scored. I asked who was the scorer, Sharpy came the answer. It was 2-0 and that would do of course, especially Newtown had appeared to be mostly crap for most of the game. What did they Newtown next? They scored of course. That goal of course made things a little more uncomfortable, 2-0 is the most uncomfortable of leads. Luckily they didn’t add another.

A word here for Limbo. Our captain has garnered a bit of stick recently. Mind you this stick appears to emanate from the same quarters and it seems to coincide with defeats, how odd!!! The critics would have been less effusive after this performance. Limbo’s passing was superb, one particular pass was delicately spread from the right wing just over the defence ( just 6 inches over the right back’s head) straight to Smythy’s feet. Then there is the trademark turn that still functions perfectly. It’s enough evidence to disprove things but whadda ya know, the critics weren’t here to see it. Nev In!!

 

 

Bangor City 3 Neath Athletic 1

Welsh Premier League

22/8/09

Today’s opponents were supposed to be one of the high-flyers due to their expenditure. Were they Full-time or not though? We didn’t know but with Welsh International Craig Llewellyn in their team they could be difficult.

Football (and indeed the world) is about questions and frustration. Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. If football was worked out on paper and not played on grass? If every shot went in? If every every tackle was well time? If Richard Littlejohn wasn’t a raging xenophobic prick? This match cleared up the doubts, and questions, at least until next week.

We went one up thanks to a smart turn, and a smart shot, from Jamie Reed, it was good! Just before half -time it became great; we went 2-0 up. For the second game in a week I missed the scorer. After half -time Neath managed to score, the ball sort of hobbled over the line via a post.

Then, for the second time this week, an act of clairvoyance led to a City Goal. A free kick was awarded and Alwyn Spoke Forth; “Smythe, 3-1!!” Again the ball looked in just after it had cleared the wall. My camera captured the event for posterity again. AHA!! It must be the combination of the two. Next week My Camera and Les will tell you the date Britain will be finally out of recession.

So it’s two win on the trot. Is this the start of a beautiful run? Nev still in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Bangor City 0 The New Saints 2

Loosemore’s League Cup

25/8/09

 

The beautiful run ended after two games. TNS looked rather professional, stroking the ball about and all that jazz. They were already 1-0 up and comfortable when they introduced Usain Bolt’s slightly faster cousin. He outpaced everyone to set up the second TNS goal. There are just some games you know that you’re not going to win and this was one of them. Powell Out!!

Elements Cefn Druids 0 Bangor City 1

Welsh Premier League

29/8/09

Some matches are remarkable for the action, some are remarkable for the goals, some for the saves, some for the kits. This match will become known as the starting point of something remarkable too. Today’s match is, was and forever shall be known as the birth of “Neville Powell’s Jungle Army”. And so it came to pass, Plas Kynaston’s indolent gardeners did leave perfect cover for a Jungle Army. We came, we saw, we sang, no-one saw us.

There was I, using the canopy as cover from Charlie and the tropical rain, when I moved and caught sight of something odd; A football match, I presume…..

Our side was pinned down by Charlie, our advances were sporadic. Charlie was employing Black Ops techniques. Every member of Charlie appeared to be identical apart from the perpetrator of one assault, he was distinguishable by the size of his nose. The Jungle Army tried to raise our side’s spirits with the waving of discarded Vegetation and singing but it was to no avail, Charlie remained resolute.

The Jungle army riskily left cover for the second half, so we became the blue and white army again. We did our best but the Druids (Charlie) were still resolute. Now we were free of the jungle canopy it became clear to us how they could remain resolute; they had the connivance of the match officials, or more exactly the help of the officials’ ineptitude. Fortunately Jamie Reed flicked the ball into the goal with his head so the Jungle Army could go wild in celebration. We had a leisurely drink in the clubhouse to celebrate the birth of a new social movement, a movement vital in these harsh economic times.

Famous Bangor City Fans

Number 1

(In an occassional series)

The Author James Joyce

One Born Every Minute!

“We” Love Andy Gray. “We” Love the Super Tuesdays and the Grand Slam Thursdays. “We” love that idiot reporter with the moustache. But what do ”We” love the most? The hike up to Sunderland on a Monday night? The elevation of footballers into celestial beings? The GDP of sub-Saharan Africa being used to pay for it all? 

If ”We” had to plump for something you’d have to say that “We” love paying for it all to help “Us” make obscene amounts of money.

 

Blank Saturday Number 9

Fun Activity; Same again

How and why did the universe begin? Is time travel physically or logically possible? What’s the point of living? why are we here? Are we descended from Apes? Could a computer have a mind? What is death and why should we fear it? Are we alone in the universe? Are moral values relative or absolute? How do we decide between right and wrong? Can we prove that God exists or not? What is the source of human thought, where does it come from? What is the point of Kelvin Mckenzie? If time isn’t elastic why is the season taking so long to come around?

Rating;………….????

Top Tip; When is the season starting? When, when, when?

Blank Saturday Number 6

Fun Activity; Ignoring Scallies

This week I only did what I do normally, but as it was my chosen activity this week I made a special effort to do it well. It’s easy; you forget they are there. However, before you attempt to perform this activity well you have to reach a mental state so finely tuned that you can filter out any unwanted noise or twattish behaviour. Now this probably sounds difficult but just look at Cohen and Miller’s model or the “Cocktail Party Effect” and it becomes possible to envisage the concept. Selective attention does become easy with practice.

It was good today. I was like Charlie Brown at first. They were trying to communicate around me and all I could hear was an incoherent trumpet sound. Then my tiredness relented and I was able to achieve a zen-like trance, it was great; like living in a different place; No “Sound, like”, No “He was chattin’ Shit, like”, No “Whatever, like”, No “…and I was like saying and then he squared up to me and then I like sparked him and the he like tried to get up and I like stamped on his head like, I dunno who he was but the twat looked at me funny like,” Unfortunately this filtering take so much mental energy that it can only be done once a year. 

Rating; A blissful day 5/5

Top Tip;Try to find you nearest Buddhist master for proper tips on how to achieve zen. If this fails do a bit of reading around the subject. Whatever you do, do not try to get into a zen-like trance by sitting cross legged on the floor chanting “ohmmmm!”  This doesn’t work as life is not a bloody sitcom.

Blank Saturday Number 3

Fun Activity; Daydreaming

In today’s hustle and bustle this activity is very rewarding; you can go anywhere without leaving the confines of your seat. You can be anybody; Che Guevara, the drummer for Ian Brown, the Welsh player that misses the last penalty in a shootout at the end of a World Cup Semi-Final, a Kazakh sheep farmer, an Australian sheep farmer, a racist South African rugby fan…..

I chose to be Robbie Savage today and everybody loved me. I was standing in a hotel room and I was  looking at myself in a mirror; everybody in the room loved me, literally everyone loved me. Then I heard a familiar voice, I turned around and Ruud Gullit was sitting on the bed; he told me to “carry on being special” but I must remember one thing; “…when you are halfway there you still have half a journey to go”. Then he dissappeared.

I took this to mean that I will become the new Welsh Football Messiah. My powers of management  and I will transform the dross of League One into European Championship qualification play-off runners up heroes, just like I am!! Then I felt weird.

Rating: Free and can be fun but it can be unsettling and leave psychological scars that require therapy; 2/5 

Top Tip; Do not daydream in an unchecked fashion; if you appear to be getting strange looks from passers-by you are probably externalising, this can be very embarrassing. 

Draw today!!

9.00 am

Could we be in for that ride on the Ferris Wheel waiting for Rapid?
Might we be able catch the delightful moonlight on the Bosphorus prior to a visit to Hell?
Could it be a few pleasant days in Dublin looking for that “I still hate Thatcher” T-shirt?
FC Basel?
Will it be a trip to the Arctic Circle or even the world famous birthplace of Mark Rothko?

It’s all rather exciting at the moment.

1.30 pm

DA DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Honka Espoo v Bangor City

In other words we drew a Finnish team. They reside near Helsinki and obviously have a funny name to British ears. They were promoted to the Finnish top flight in 2005 for the first time. Here’s their history.

Never mind all that though, another trip to Europe!!!

Wait a minute, we’re away first……I’m working that week (16th July)……….I can’t get it off, there must be some mistake………… There isn’t a mistake, shit!! They’ll change it like last year…….They’re not going to, bollocks.

A year of hoping, a year of dreaming, a year of yearning ended by some bureaucrat and his plastic balls. I’d even made a new flag as well. BOLLOCKS!!!

3.00 pm

Still pissed off

6.00 pm

Still pissed off

9.00 pm

Still pissed off

Blank Saturday 2

Fun Activity : Getting Annoyed in London

What better way to spend a pleasant afternoon than strolling casually through London? People walking into you; fantastic! Listening to people’s indiscreet private conversations; GIMME MORE! Seeing yet another style icon glide past with that practiced disdain? Yes yes yes!!!!!!!!

It started so well this morning; Someone actually said hello, someone else called me dude then another person called me dude. It become strange in the afternoon; firstly some south African weirdo looked at me funny, bloody hell the rugby playing wing of Apartheid had won, what’s with the negative waves baby? Then a maniac sporting a panama nearly ran me over with his bicycle, he may have been the man from Del Monte.

The creme de la creme; 2 hip young gunslingers sashaying through Camden. The twattish pair stylishly blocked my leisurly progress through Camden because they appeared to think that they were in the middle of an audition for T4; basically two minutes of ear splitting, zany “look at me, I’ll say anything ’cause I’m cool and you are scum” in ironic denim capri pant and side-parting chic. Their clothes could have done with some ironing.

Rating: For making a tired old cynic feel superior 5/5

Tip Top: If you don’t want to hear the words ”THAT’S SOOOOOOO RANDOM” spoken at 120 decibels in a hip Carnaby Street Boutique, don’t go daddio.

It’s that time again – Blank Saturday 1

Now that the football has finally finished for like literally weeks, it’s time for the hardened football fanatic/sociopath to find something else to do with Saturday afternoons. We will now log the attempts to fill this void. Remember, we will rate each activity for you, so you don’t need to!!

Fun Activity : Shopping for Fabric

What a lovely way to spend a Saturday afternoon; surrounded by crushed velvet, simulated leopard skin and ersatz  Burberry check.  Whilst perusing the aisles I became so enchanted by the fabrics that ideas pulsed through my brain. Then it struck me; I could make my own clothes!!! I could finally have those clothes I’ve always wanted, clothes beyond the imagination of today’s design fascists. On a more prosaic level, in today’s climate you’d be crazy not to do this, especially at the prices they were charging.

I bought 10 metres of some blue fabric for £3, all I need now is a sewing machine.

Rating: Creative, economical and  boundless: 4/5

Top Tip:Don’t be fobbed off, if you want Paisley demand Paisley. If you want Burburry PVC don’t accept Tartan. If you want chain mail, find a blacksmith. 

Finally!!!!

Now the Llandudno Jet Set can finally reveal who Bangor City can draw in the Europa League draw. City will be going into the second qualifying round. The clubs below are listed in their ranking order.

It is assumed that the seeded clubs in the first qualifying round will qualify for the second qualifying round. If the seeded clubs in the first qualifying round have a higher ranking than clubs in the second qualifying round they will become seeded clubs in the second qualifying round.

Due to our unseeded status we can draw the following seeded clubs;

Steaua Bucharest – Romania

FC Basel - Switzerland

Galatasaray SK - Turkey

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Rosenborg BK - Norway

Aalborg BK or Brondby IF - Denmark

FK Sevojno or Red Star Belgrade – Serbia

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Anorthosis Famagusta FC - Cyprus

Metalurh Donetsk – Ukraine 

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Helsingborg IF - Sweden

MŠK Žilina – Slovakia

Tromso IL - Norway

Rapid Vienna or Sturm Graz – Austria 

Paços de Ferreira – Portugal 

NAC Breda – Netherlands

Larissa FC - Greece

IF Elfsborg – Sweden

Falkirk FC - Scotland

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Motherwell FC - Scotland

Cherno More Varna – Bulgaria 

KAA Gent – Belgium

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Randers FC - Denmark

Sigma Olomouc – Czech Republic
Maccabi Netanya – Israel

Legia Warsaw – Poland

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Polonia Warsaw – Poland

Dinamo Tiblisi – Georgia

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Bnei Yehuda – Israel 

Omonia Nicosia – Cyprus

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Spartak Trnava –  Slovakia

 St Patrick’s Athletic or Derry City – Republic of Ireland

ND Gorica - Slovenia

HNK Rijeka – Croatia

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Slaven Belupo – Croatia

FK Rabotnicki – Macedonia 

HJK Helsinki or FC Honka - Finland

Because football is,well football, this likely scenario might not happpen. If a surprise result does occur then Bangor could possibly draw these clubs as well;

FC Lahti – Finland
Sligo Rovers – Republic of Ireland

FK Vetra – Lithuania

Dinaburg – Latvia

Rudar Velenje – Slovenia

Dinamo Minsk or MTZ-RIPO – Belarus

NK Široki Brijeg – Bosnia

Szombathelyi Haladás – Hungary

Olimpi Rustavi or FC Zestaponi – Georgia

FC Zimbru Chisinau – Moldova

Keflavík FC or Fram Reykavik - Iceland

FK Renova - Macedonia

Simurq Zaqatala or Inter Baku – Azerbaijan

FC Narva Trans or   JK Nõmme Kalju- Estonia

KS Vllaznia Shkodër or Dinamo Tirana – Albania

FC Irtysh Pavlodar or FC Okzhetpes – Kazakhstan

MIKA Yerevan or Banants Yerevan – Armenia

Linfield FC or Lisburn Distillery – Northern Ireland 

B36 Tórshavn or NSÍ Runavík – Faroe Isles

UN Käerjeng 97 or CS Grevenmacher – Luxembourg

FK Budućnost Podgorica or FK Sutjeska Niksic - Montenegro

Birkirkara FC or Valletta FC - Malta

It’s still Austria for us, or maybe Slovenia, or Holland, or Belgium…….. Anyway we won’t find out until the 22nd June, here’s hoping for a good draw.

How was it for you this time?

The Jet Set review of 2009/2010;

In a word; Alright.

In 4 words; Nearly ten months long.

What’s new this week?

It’s as you were because the Romanian League doesn’t finish until Wednesday.

I’m bored, let’s try somewhere else.

Rhys Williams, spot the difference

Before (16th April 2009). “Obviously I’m Australian, but I enjoy playing for Wales. That’s where I am at the minute – and that’s where I intend to stay. I don’t think I could switch now. Wales have been good to me and I’ve made my decision to play here. But it’s down to Wales to play me now. I thought I’d get a shout in one of the last two qualifiers, but it wasn’t to be. Hopefully I’ll get to play next time.” From here.

After (2nd June 2009). “I played for Wales at under-21 level. I was called into the main squad, but as soon as I got into the first team squad I felt as though I didn’t belong because I am not really Welsh. I am Australian.”

“It wasn’t really about the World Cup. I just felt I was not Welsh and I am Australian. The lads are a lot nicer. I am just glad to come away with them and everything else that happens is a bonus. If I can do well in training, who knows. I am the youngest in the squad at the moment which is good for me. It would be great to play in Australia; I have never played in my own country.” From here.

What caused the change? Highly rated Welsh Under-21 International Rhys Williams found out that Australia are sniffing around him. Australia have more chance of qualifying for the World Cup so Rhys decides he’s Australian again. Why did he choose to play for the Wales U21 team you may well ask. Was he merely using Wales to put himself in the “Shop Window”? Is he Owen Hargreaves mk.II?

I imagine that quite a few people are steamed up over this but you could ask yourself, what’s the point? People tend to talk about nationality as an immovable thing but it’s not. Just think of Eastern Europe since 1989; you can’t find any Czechoslovakian or Soviet or East German citizens now. Take someone born in Podgorica in 1988, they have been Yugoslavian, then Serbian and now Montenegrin, and that’s without moving. What would they feel they are?

Your nationality is only the result of your birth in a certain place, or the result of your parents’ birth in a certain place, or even the result of your grandparents’ birth in a certain place. To put it another way you could be born anywhere but you are supposed to care about the place that is your birthplace. 

The idea that people should care so deeply about their birthplace, their ethnic nation, can seem really absurd when you add in the idea that this thing you are supposed to care so deeply about (because it’s part of your soul and it’s been there for millenia) is actually an imagined community anyway.

Back to Rhys. You can’t blame him, can you? This move will look better in his career portfolio. He’s joined a country that matches his ambitions, good luck to him!!

Any Change This Week?

The clubs that Bangor City that can draw after today are;

 ( # = Qualification place still undetermined)

3rd in 2008 Norweigan League – Tromso 

4th in Czech League – Sigma Olomouc

3rd in Swiss League – FC Basel  

5th in Romanian League – Steaua Bucharest # 

(Possibly FC Universitatea Craiova, Rapid Bucharest or Vaslui)

Portugal – Paços de Ferreira

Winners of Dutch European Playoffs – NAC Breda 

Scottish Cup Runners-Up – Falkirk 

4th in Turkish League – Galatasaray

4th in Ukrainian League – Metalurh Donetsk

4th in Belgian League – KAA Gent 

4th in Greek European Playoffs – Larissa

3rd in Bulgarian League – Cherno More Varna

Either Danish Cup Runners-Up or 3rd in Danish League – Aalborg or Brondby  

Either 2nd or 3rd in Austrian League – Rapid Vienna or Sturm Graz 

Either Serbian Cup Runners-Up or 3rd in Serbian League – FK Sevojno or Red Star Belgrade  

4th in Israeli League – Maccabi Netanya  

2nd in 2008 Swedish League – Elfsborg 

2nd in Slovakian League – MŠK Žilina

2nd in Polish League – Legia Warsaw

2nd in Hungarian League – Ujpest Dozsa 

3rd in Croat League – Rijeka

2nd in Cypriot League or Cup Winners – Omonia Nicosia or APOP Kinyras Peyias FC 

Slovenian Cup Winners – Interblock Ljubljana  

Interblock? Could be interesting. Brondby wonderful wonderful Copenhagen. We still favour a ride on the big wheel in Vienna.

Ole’ red eyes are back!

Sifting through the inevitable fallout from “Survival Sunday™” one comes upon recurring images; Disbelieving stares,  a redness around the eyes, comforting hugs or slaps on the back, then the pinnacle, the dab at watery eyes.

Such reactions are inevitable when your team, the thing at the very centre of your being, the thing that colours your blood, the thing for which you bare your chest, the thing that you paint your face for, is sucked into the nth dimension. When such a thing happens, instantly over a couple of months, how could you possibly react differently?

To judge from Match of the Day last night this was the only type of reaction worth reporting. You saw none of the resignation, none of the anger, hardly any of the defiant support, certainly none of the hope (for a better, and easier?, season next season). 

Why does the BBC sports department swallow, and then regurgitate, this bullshit? Sky  Sports News, yes of course; They are still scavenging through the wreckage of lives torn asunder today - ”…..But what will this mean for the People of the North East at such a time as this, Chris?” Good old Aunty should be better but they also employ Alan Green and Timothy Lovejoy so maybe it’s not a surprise.

I’m off for a cry then a phone call to Spoony.

Any Change This Week?

The clubs that Bangor City that can draw after today are;

 - ( # = Already Qualified)

- The clubs that can still finish in the qualifying position are listed as ( Possibly….)

3rd in 2008 Norweigan League – Tromso #

4th in Czech League – Mlada Boleslav

(Possibly Sigma Olomouc, Teplice or Jablonec)

3rd in Swiss League – BSC Young Boys

(Possibly FC Basel)

5th in Romanian League – Rapid Bucharest

(Possibly FC Universitatea Craiova, Steaua Bucharest, CFR Cluj or Vaslui)

Portugal – Paços de Ferreira

(If Pacos become runners-up in Portuguese Cup or Leixoes from league)

Winners of Dutch European Playoffs – Groningen or NAC Breda

Scotland – Falkirk

(If Falkirk become runners-up in the Scottish Cup or Aberdeen if Falkirk win the Cup)

4th in Turkish League – Fenerbache

(Possibly Galatasaray or Bursaspor)

4th in Ukrainian League – Vorskla Poltava

(Possibly Metalurh Donetsk)

4th in Belgian League – KAA Gent #

4th in Greek European Playoffs – Larissa #

3rd in Bulgarian League – Cherno More Varna

(Possibly Litex Lovech or Lokomotiv Sofia)

Either Danish Cup Runners-Up or 3rd in Danish League – Aalborg # or Odense

(Possibly Brondby)

Either 2nd or 3rd in Austrian League – Rapid Vienna # or Sturm Graz 

(Possibly SV Ried)

Either Serbian Cup Runners-Up or 3rd in Serbian League – FK Sevojno # Site or Red Star Belgrade

(Possibly Vojvodina)

Either 3rd or 4th in Israeli League – Maccabi Netanya

(Possibly Bnei Yehuda)

2nd in 2008 Swedish League – Elfsborg #

2nd in Slovakian League – MŠK Žilina

(Possibly Spartak Trnava)

2nd in Polish League – Legia Warsaw #

2nd in Hungarian League – Ujpest Dozsa #

3rd in Croat League – Rijeka #

2nd in Cypriot League or Cup Winners – Omonia Nicosia # or APOP Kinyras Peyias FC #

Slovenian Cup Winners – Koper or Interblock Ljubljana

Another trip to Jutland, nice!!