Blank Saturday Number 3

Fun Activity; Daydreaming

In today’s hustle and bustle this activity is very rewarding; you can go anywhere without leaving the confines of your seat. You can be anybody; Che Guevara, the drummer for Ian Brown, the Welsh player that misses the last penalty in a shootout at the end of a World Cup Semi-Final, a Kazakh sheep farmer, an Australian sheep farmer, a racist South African rugby fan…..

I chose to be Robbie Savage today and everybody loved me. I was standing in a hotel room and I was  looking at myself in a mirror; everybody in the room loved me, literally everyone loved me. Then I heard a familiar voice, I turned around and Ruud Gullit was sitting on the bed; he told me to “carry on being special” but I must remember one thing; “…when you are halfway there you still have half a journey to go”. Then he dissappeared.

I took this to mean that I will become the new Welsh Football Messiah. My powers of management  and I will transform the dross of League One into European Championship qualification play-off runners up heroes, just like I am!! Then I felt weird.

Rating: Free and can be fun but it can be unsettling and leave psychological scars that require therapy; 2/5 

Top Tip; Do not daydream in an unchecked fashion; if you appear to be getting strange looks from passers-by you are probably externalising, this can be very embarrassing. 

Draw today!!

9.00 am

Could we be in for that ride on the Ferris Wheel waiting for Rapid?
Might we be able catch the delightful moonlight on the Bosphorus prior to a visit to Hell?
Could it be a few pleasant days in Dublin looking for that “I still hate Thatcher” T-shirt?
FC Basel?
Will it be a trip to the Arctic Circle or even the world famous birthplace of Mark Rothko?

It’s all rather exciting at the moment.

1.30 pm

DA DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Honka Espoo v Bangor City

In other words we drew a Finnish team. They reside near Helsinki and obviously have a funny name to British ears. They were promoted to the Finnish top flight in 2005 for the first time. Here’s their history.

Never mind all that though, another trip to Europe!!!

Wait a minute, we’re away first……I’m working that week (16th July)……….I can’t get it off, there must be some mistake………… There isn’t a mistake, shit!! They’ll change it like last year…….They’re not going to, bollocks.

A year of hoping, a year of dreaming, a year of yearning ended by some bureaucrat and his plastic balls. I’d even made a new flag as well. BOLLOCKS!!!

3.00 pm

Still pissed off

6.00 pm

Still pissed off

9.00 pm

Still pissed off

Blank Saturday 2

Fun Activity : Getting Annoyed in London

What better way to spend a pleasant afternoon than strolling casually through London? People walking into you; fantastic! Listening to people’s indiscreet private conversations; GIMME MORE! Seeing yet another style icon glide past with that practiced disdain? Yes yes yes!!!!!!!!

It started so well this morning; Someone actually said hello, someone else called me dude then another person called me dude. It become strange in the afternoon; firstly some south African weirdo looked at me funny, bloody hell the rugby playing wing of Apartheid had won, what’s with the negative waves baby? Then a maniac sporting a panama nearly ran me over with his bicycle, he may have been the man from Del Monte.

The creme de la creme; 2 hip young gunslingers sashaying through Camden. The twattish pair stylishly blocked my leisurly progress through Camden because they appeared to think that they were in the middle of an audition for T4; basically two minutes of ear splitting, zany “look at me, I’ll say anything ’cause I’m cool and you are scum” in ironic denim capri pant and side-parting chic. Their clothes could have done with some ironing.

Rating: For making a tired old cynic feel superior 5/5

Tip Top: If you don’t want to hear the words ”THAT’S SOOOOOOO RANDOM” spoken at 120 decibels in a hip Carnaby Street Boutique, don’t go daddio.

It’s that time again – Blank Saturday 1

Now that the football has finally finished for like literally weeks, it’s time for the hardened football fanatic/sociopath to find something else to do with Saturday afternoons. We will now log the attempts to fill this void. Remember, we will rate each activity for you, so you don’t need to!!

Fun Activity : Shopping for Fabric

What a lovely way to spend a Saturday afternoon; surrounded by crushed velvet, simulated leopard skin and ersatz  Burberry check.  Whilst perusing the aisles I became so enchanted by the fabrics that ideas pulsed through my brain. Then it struck me; I could make my own clothes!!! I could finally have those clothes I’ve always wanted, clothes beyond the imagination of today’s design fascists. On a more prosaic level, in today’s climate you’d be crazy not to do this, especially at the prices they were charging.

I bought 10 metres of some blue fabric for £3, all I need now is a sewing machine.

Rating: Creative, economical and  boundless: 4/5

Top Tip:Don’t be fobbed off, if you want Paisley demand Paisley. If you want Burburry PVC don’t accept Tartan. If you want chain mail, find a blacksmith. 

Finally!!!!

Now the Llandudno Jet Set can finally reveal who Bangor City can draw in the Europa League draw. City will be going into the second qualifying round. The clubs below are listed in their ranking order.

It is assumed that the seeded clubs in the first qualifying round will qualify for the second qualifying round. If the seeded clubs in the first qualifying round have a higher ranking than clubs in the second qualifying round they will become seeded clubs in the second qualifying round.

Due to our unseeded status we can draw the following seeded clubs;

Steaua Bucharest – Romania

FC Basel - Switzerland

Galatasaray SK - Turkey

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Rosenborg BK - Norway

Aalborg BK or Brondby IF - Denmark

FK Sevojno or Red Star Belgrade – Serbia

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Anorthosis Famagusta FC - Cyprus

Metalurh Donetsk – Ukraine 

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Helsingborg IF - Sweden

MŠK Žilina – Slovakia

Tromso IL - Norway

Rapid Vienna or Sturm Graz – Austria 

Paços de Ferreira – Portugal 

NAC Breda – Netherlands

Larissa FC - Greece

IF Elfsborg – Sweden

Falkirk FC - Scotland

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Motherwell FC - Scotland

Cherno More Varna – Bulgaria 

KAA Gent – Belgium

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Randers FC - Denmark

Sigma Olomouc – Czech Republic
Maccabi Netanya – Israel

Legia Warsaw – Poland

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Polonia Warsaw – Poland

Dinamo Tiblisi – Georgia

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Bnei Yehuda – Israel 

Omonia Nicosia – Cyprus

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Spartak Trnava –  Slovakia

 St Patrick’s Athletic or Derry City – Republic of Ireland

ND Gorica - Slovenia

HNK Rijeka – Croatia

Winners of the first qualifying round match involving Slaven Belupo – Croatia

FK Rabotnicki – Macedonia 

HJK Helsinki or FC Honka - Finland

Because football is,well football, this likely scenario might not happpen. If a surprise result does occur then Bangor could possibly draw these clubs as well;

FC Lahti – Finland
Sligo Rovers – Republic of Ireland

FK Vetra – Lithuania

Dinaburg – Latvia

Rudar Velenje – Slovenia

Dinamo Minsk or MTZ-RIPO – Belarus

NK Široki Brijeg – Bosnia

Szombathelyi Haladás – Hungary

Olimpi Rustavi or FC Zestaponi – Georgia

FC Zimbru Chisinau – Moldova

Keflavík FC or Fram Reykavik - Iceland

FK Renova - Macedonia

Simurq Zaqatala or Inter Baku – Azerbaijan

FC Narva Trans or   JK Nõmme Kalju- Estonia

KS Vllaznia Shkodër or Dinamo Tirana – Albania

FC Irtysh Pavlodar or FC Okzhetpes – Kazakhstan

MIKA Yerevan or Banants Yerevan – Armenia

Linfield FC or Lisburn Distillery – Northern Ireland 

B36 Tórshavn or NSÍ Runavík – Faroe Isles

UN Käerjeng 97 or CS Grevenmacher – Luxembourg

FK Budućnost Podgorica or FK Sutjeska Niksic - Montenegro

Birkirkara FC or Valletta FC - Malta

It’s still Austria for us, or maybe Slovenia, or Holland, or Belgium…….. Anyway we won’t find out until the 22nd June, here’s hoping for a good draw.

How was it for you this time?

The Jet Set review of 2009/2010;

In a word; Alright.

In 4 words; Nearly ten months long.

No-one wears a brown shirt nowadays

On Saturday it was the 65th anniversary of D-Day. This, of course, was the day in 1944 when Britain and her allies invaded northern France. The events of D-Day eventually led to end of the Nazi control in Western Europe just over 11 months later. How did a lot of people in our sceptred isle choose to mark this anniversary? They chose to vote for the BNP.

Yes, that’s right. people chose to show their disgust with the “Corrupt, decadent and outdated” main parties by voting for a bunch of fascists. They chose to show their disgust with immigration by voting for a party whose members wish they were German and lived in the 1930s.

The sight of the abhorrent BNP “Politicians” gleefully taunting their opponents, during their speeches, was disgusting. They goaded the mainstream politicians because the ordinary working people of this country have had enough of being misled by the “lies and corruption” of the mainstream parties.

Lies of the mainstreeam parties? You’ll never catch the upstanding fascists of the British Nazi Party doing that. They’re not about the the repatriation of non-white people, no way (N.Griffin, 7/6/09). Lies, and misleading, for that matter, are such relative concepts though; the BNP Constitution states a different position from Fuhrer G;

 “The British National Party stands for the preservation of the national and ethnic character of the British people and is wholly opposed to any form of racial integration between British and non-European peoples. It is therefore committed to stemming and reversing the tide of non-white immigration and to restoring, by legal changes, negotiation and consent, the overwhelmingly white makeup of the British population that existed in Britain prior to 1948.”

The BNP’s members want to mislead us about their homogenous membership as well. Herr Gauleiter Griffin hinted that this is not an issue last night and then tried to shift attention on to other matters. The BNP constitution again states the opposite;

“SECTION 2: MEMBERSHIP

1) The British National Party represents the collective National, Environmental, Political, Racial, Folkish, Social, Cultural, Religious and Economic interests of the indigenous Anglo-Saxon, Celtic and Norse folk communities of Britain and those we regard as closely related and ethnically assimilated or assimilable aboriginal members of the European race also resident in Britain. Membership of the BNP is strictly defined within the terms of, and our members also self define themselves within, the legal ambit of a defined ‘racial group’ this being ‘Indigenous Caucasian’and defined ‘ethnic groups’ emanating from that Race as specified in law in the House of Lords case of Mandla V Dowell Lee (1983) 1 ALL ER 1062, HL.

2) The indigenous British ethnic groups deriving from the class of ‘Indigenous Caucasian’ consist of members of: i) The Anglo-Saxon Folk Community; ii) The Celtic Scottish Folk Community; iii) The Scots-Northern Irish Folk Community; iv) The Celtic Welsh Folk Community; v) The Celtic Irish Folk Community; vi) The Celtic Cornish Folk Community; vii) The Anglo-Saxon-Celtic Folk Community; viii) The Celtic-Norse Folk Community; ix) The Anglo-Saxon-Norse Folk Community; x) The Anglo-Saxon-Indigenous European Folk Community; xi) Members of these ethnic groups who reside either within or outside Europe but ethnically derive from them.

3) Membership of the party shall be open only to those who are 16 years of age or over and whose ethnic origin is listed within Sub-section 22″ (i.e Anyone who is not white is not welcome)

Now take your two BNP politicians, Himmler and Heydrich. Of course democracy has spoken and people are entitled to vote for whoever they want but, would people vote for politicians that deny the Holocaust if they really knew that’s what they thought? You only need  to delve a little deeper into the world of far-right politics to find out information like this.

However having said everything the fascists still only managed to get 2 people elected, and this is at a time when everybody is pissed off with mainstream politicians and the economy is in the toilet. For a start 92% of people that voted in the north west of England didn’t vote fascist. Then the turnout was only 33% in the north west, so ONLY 2.66% of eligible voters there actually voted for the fascists. Couple this with their shit record as councilors and your fearfulness for Britain’s future lessens a little. It’s still a scary step as 2 elected fascists is 2 too many.

What’s new this week?

It’s as you were because the Romanian League doesn’t finish until Wednesday.

I’m bored, let’s try somewhere else.

Rhys Williams, spot the difference

Before (16th April 2009). “Obviously I’m Australian, but I enjoy playing for Wales. That’s where I am at the minute – and that’s where I intend to stay. I don’t think I could switch now. Wales have been good to me and I’ve made my decision to play here. But it’s down to Wales to play me now. I thought I’d get a shout in one of the last two qualifiers, but it wasn’t to be. Hopefully I’ll get to play next time.” From here.

After (2nd June 2009). “I played for Wales at under-21 level. I was called into the main squad, but as soon as I got into the first team squad I felt as though I didn’t belong because I am not really Welsh. I am Australian.”

“It wasn’t really about the World Cup. I just felt I was not Welsh and I am Australian. The lads are a lot nicer. I am just glad to come away with them and everything else that happens is a bonus. If I can do well in training, who knows. I am the youngest in the squad at the moment which is good for me. It would be great to play in Australia; I have never played in my own country.” From here.

What caused the change? Highly rated Welsh Under-21 International Rhys Williams found out that Australia are sniffing around him. Australia have more chance of qualifying for the World Cup so Rhys decides he’s Australian again. Why did he choose to play for the Wales U21 team you may well ask. Was he merely using Wales to put himself in the “Shop Window”? Is he Owen Hargreaves mk.II?

I imagine that quite a few people are steamed up over this but you could ask yourself, what’s the point? People tend to talk about nationality as an immovable thing but it’s not. Just think of Eastern Europe since 1989; you can’t find any Czechoslovakian or Soviet or East German citizens now. Take someone born in Podgorica in 1988, they have been Yugoslavian, then Serbian and now Montenegrin, and that’s without moving. What would they feel they are?

Your nationality is only the result of your birth in a certain place, or the result of your parents’ birth in a certain place, or even the result of your grandparents’ birth in a certain place. To put it another way you could be born anywhere but you are supposed to care about the place that is your birthplace. 

The idea that people should care so deeply about their birthplace, their ethnic nation, can seem really absurd when you add in the idea that this thing you are supposed to care so deeply about (because it’s part of your soul and it’s been there for millenia) is actually an imagined community anyway.

Back to Rhys. You can’t blame him, can you? This move will look better in his career portfolio. He’s joined a country that matches his ambitions, good luck to him!!

Any Change This Week?

The clubs that Bangor City that can draw after today are;

 ( # = Qualification place still undetermined)

3rd in 2008 Norweigan League – Tromso 

4th in Czech League – Sigma Olomouc

3rd in Swiss League – FC Basel  

5th in Romanian League – Steaua Bucharest # 

(Possibly FC Universitatea Craiova, Rapid Bucharest or Vaslui)

Portugal – Paços de Ferreira

Winners of Dutch European Playoffs – NAC Breda 

Scottish Cup Runners-Up – Falkirk 

4th in Turkish League – Galatasaray

4th in Ukrainian League – Metalurh Donetsk

4th in Belgian League – KAA Gent 

4th in Greek European Playoffs – Larissa

3rd in Bulgarian League – Cherno More Varna

Either Danish Cup Runners-Up or 3rd in Danish League – Aalborg or Brondby  

Either 2nd or 3rd in Austrian League – Rapid Vienna or Sturm Graz 

Either Serbian Cup Runners-Up or 3rd in Serbian League – FK Sevojno or Red Star Belgrade  

4th in Israeli League – Maccabi Netanya  

2nd in 2008 Swedish League – Elfsborg 

2nd in Slovakian League – MŠK Žilina

2nd in Polish League – Legia Warsaw

2nd in Hungarian League – Ujpest Dozsa 

3rd in Croat League – Rijeka

2nd in Cypriot League or Cup Winners – Omonia Nicosia or APOP Kinyras Peyias FC 

Slovenian Cup Winners – Interblock Ljubljana  

Interblock? Could be interesting. Brondby wonderful wonderful Copenhagen. We still favour a ride on the big wheel in Vienna.

Ole’ red eyes are back!

Sifting through the inevitable fallout from “Survival Sunday™” one comes upon recurring images; Disbelieving stares,  a redness around the eyes, comforting hugs or slaps on the back, then the pinnacle, the dab at watery eyes.

Such reactions are inevitable when your team, the thing at the very centre of your being, the thing that colours your blood, the thing for which you bare your chest, the thing that you paint your face for, is sucked into the nth dimension. When such a thing happens, instantly over a couple of months, how could you possibly react differently?

To judge from Match of the Day last night this was the only type of reaction worth reporting. You saw none of the resignation, none of the anger, hardly any of the defiant support, certainly none of the hope (for a better, and easier?, season next season). 

Why does the BBC sports department swallow, and then regurgitate, this bullshit? Sky  Sports News, yes of course; They are still scavenging through the wreckage of lives torn asunder today - ”…..But what will this mean for the People of the North East at such a time as this, Chris?” Good old Aunty should be better but they also employ Alan Green and Timothy Lovejoy so maybe it’s not a surprise.

I’m off for a cry then a phone call to Spoony.

Any Change This Week?

The clubs that Bangor City that can draw after today are;

 - ( # = Already Qualified)

- The clubs that can still finish in the qualifying position are listed as ( Possibly….)

3rd in 2008 Norweigan League – Tromso #

4th in Czech League – Mlada Boleslav

(Possibly Sigma Olomouc, Teplice or Jablonec)

3rd in Swiss League – BSC Young Boys

(Possibly FC Basel)

5th in Romanian League – Rapid Bucharest

(Possibly FC Universitatea Craiova, Steaua Bucharest, CFR Cluj or Vaslui)

Portugal – Paços de Ferreira

(If Pacos become runners-up in Portuguese Cup or Leixoes from league)

Winners of Dutch European Playoffs – Groningen or NAC Breda

Scotland – Falkirk

(If Falkirk become runners-up in the Scottish Cup or Aberdeen if Falkirk win the Cup)

4th in Turkish League – Fenerbache

(Possibly Galatasaray or Bursaspor)

4th in Ukrainian League – Vorskla Poltava

(Possibly Metalurh Donetsk)

4th in Belgian League – KAA Gent #

4th in Greek European Playoffs – Larissa #

3rd in Bulgarian League – Cherno More Varna

(Possibly Litex Lovech or Lokomotiv Sofia)

Either Danish Cup Runners-Up or 3rd in Danish League – Aalborg # or Odense

(Possibly Brondby)

Either 2nd or 3rd in Austrian League – Rapid Vienna # or Sturm Graz 

(Possibly SV Ried)

Either Serbian Cup Runners-Up or 3rd in Serbian League – FK Sevojno # Site or Red Star Belgrade

(Possibly Vojvodina)

Either 3rd or 4th in Israeli League – Maccabi Netanya

(Possibly Bnei Yehuda)

2nd in 2008 Swedish League – Elfsborg #

2nd in Slovakian League – MŠK Žilina

(Possibly Spartak Trnava)

2nd in Polish League – Legia Warsaw #

2nd in Hungarian League – Ujpest Dozsa #

3rd in Croat League – Rijeka #

2nd in Cypriot League or Cup Winners – Omonia Nicosia # or APOP Kinyras Peyias FC #

Slovenian Cup Winners – Koper or Interblock Ljubljana

Another trip to Jutland, nice!!

The Edge!!! Quick!!! We’re getting close to the………….

In just over 24 hours 3 football clubs will cease to exist. The latest instalment of that traditional football day,”Survival Sunday™”, will see the eternal Darwinian struggle cast 3 more victims into the nth dimension.

Sky Sports News are keeping us all abreast of the latest developments. Newcastle have just arrived in Birmingham,  they were leaving their executive coach ashen faced. Sunderland fans are a mixture of incoherent optimism and stoicism. As for Hull City, their manager was smiling. The key is to remain relaxed, as Sky’s expert autocue readers informed us. No-one cares about Middlesborough.

“SHREWSBURY AND GILLINGHAM ONLY HAVE JUST OVER FIVE MINUTES TO WIN LEAGUE ONE STATUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! JOIN US AFTER THE BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“NO WORRIES CHELSEA FANS, IT APPEARS DIDIER DROGBA WANTS TO STAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“THERE HAS BEEN A GOAL AT WEMBLEY!!, SHREWSBURY WILL BE LEFT TO FESTER IN THE FOURTH RING OF HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“CARLO ANCELLOTTI SAYS; “I’M GOING NOWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “I’M 100% SURE TO BE STAYING AT MILAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“JOSE MOURINHO SAYS; “I’M 99% SURE TO BE STAYING AT INTER MILAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Well that’s a weight off.

Any change this week?

The clubs that Bangor City that can draw after today are ;

- ( # = Already Qualified) 

- The clubs that can still finish in the qualifying position are listed as ( Possibly….)

3rd in 2008 Norweigan League – Tromso #

4th in Czech League – Mlada Boleslav Site 

(Possibly Sparta Prague, Slovan Liberec, Sigma Olomouc or Teplice)

3rd in Swiss League – BSC Young Boys

(Possibly FC Basel)

5th in Romanian League –  Rapid Bucharest Site

(Possibly FC Universitatea Craiova, Timisoara, Steaua Bucharest or CFR Cluj)

Portugal – Paços de Ferreira (If they become runners-up in Portuguese Cup)

(Possibly Nacional or Sporting de Braga from league)

Winners of Dutch European Playoffs – Groningen, Feyenoord, NAC Breda or Utrecht

Scotland – Falkirk Site  (If they become runners-up in the Scottish Cup)

4th in Turkish League – Fenerbache Site 

(Possibly Galatasaray or Bursaspor)

4th in Ukrainian League –    Vorskla Poltava Site

(Possibly Metalurh Donetsk, Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk or Metalurh Zaporizhya)

4th in Belgian League – KAA Gent #

4th in Greek European Playoffs – Larissa

3rd in Bulgarian League –  Cherno More Varna

(Possibly  Litex Lovech or Lokomotiv Sofia)

Either 2nd or 3rd in Danish League – Brondby or Odense

(Possibly FC Copenhagen) 

Either 2nd or 3rd in Austrian League – Rapid Vienna # or Austria Vienna Site 

(Possibly Sturm Graz or SV Ried) 

Either 2nd or 3rd in Serbian League – Vojvodina # or Red Star Belgrade

(Possibly Javor Ivanjica)

3rd or 4th in Israeli League -  Maccabi Netanya Site 

(Possibly Bnei Yehuda)

2nd in 2008 Swedish League – Elfborg #

2nd in Slovakian League – MŠK Žilina

(Possibly Spartak Trnava)

2nd in Polish League – Lech Poznan Site 

(Possibly Wisla Krakow or Legia Warsaw)

2nd in Hungarian League – Ujpest Dozsa

(Possibly Debreceni VSC)

3rd in Croat League – Rijeka Site 

(Possibly Slaven Belupo)

2nd in Cypriot League or Cup Winners – Omonia Nicosia # or APOP Kinyras Peyias FC #

Slovenian Cup Winners – Koper or Interblock Ljubljana

Rapid Vienna, I’d be in a hurry to get there, might get to ride that Ferris Wheel again.

What’s new?

The clubs that Bangor City that can draw after today are;

( # = Already Qualified)

3rd in 2008 Norweigan League - Tromso # 

4th in Czech League – Sigma Olomouc

3rd in Swiss League – BSC Young Boys

5th in Romanian League – FC Universitatea Craiova

Portuguese League – Paços de Ferreira (Cup Final opponents Porto are already in Champions League)

Winners of Dutch European Playoffs – Groningen, Feyenoord, NAC Breda or Utrecht

4th in Scottish League – Dundee United

4th in Turkish League – Galatasaray

4th in Ukrainian League – Metalurh Donetsk

4th in Belgian League – Club Brugge #

4th in Greek European Playoffs – PAOK, Panathinaikos, AEK Athens or Larissa

3rd in Bulgarian League – Cherno More Varna

Either 2nd or 3rd in Danish League – Brondby or Odense

Either 2nd or 3rd in Austrian League – Rapid Vienna or Sturm Graz

Either 2nd or 3rd in Serbian League – Vojvodina or Red Star Belgrade

2nd in Israeli Legue -  Hapoel Tel Aviv

2nd in 2008 Swedish league - Elfborg #

2nd in Slovakian League - MŠK Žilina

2nd in Polish League – Legia Warsaw

2nd in Hungarian League – Ujpest Dozsa

3rd in Croat League – Slaven Belupo

2nd in Cypriot League or Cup Winners - Omonia Nicosia # or ( APOP Kinyras Peyias FC or AEL Limassol)

Slovenian Cup Winners – Koper or Interblock Ljubljana

Brugge hhhhmmm. Could be lovely; canals, chips and Flemish separatism. Easy to reach by Eurostar, we possibly, maybe like this stop.

The Magical Mystery Tour

It almost goes without saying that thanks to our tumultuous triumph on Monday we face another fabulous trip to Europe. City will go into the Second Qualifying Round and the powers that be have decided that we can draw any club, there are no geographical restrictions. Thanks to some Dutch Bloke with a Phd in advanced statisitics and Wikipedia the Jet Set can exclusively reveal which clubs we can potentially draw at the end of June. We will be unseeded, so the clubs listed will be the seeded ones.

This information is of course based on the positions at the moment. (IN THE PRESENT ECONOMIC CLIMATE THIS INFORMATION CAN BE SUBJECT TO CHANGE);

The clubs that Bangor City that can draw are;

(Qualifying Position – Present Occupiers, # = Already Qualified)

3rd in 2008 Norweigan League - Tromso #

4th in Czech League – Sigma Olomouc

3rd in Swiss League – BSC Young Boys

5th in Romanian League – CFR Cluj

5th in Portuguese League – Sporting de Braga

Winners of Dutch European Playoffs – Groningen, Feyenoord, NAC Breda or Utrecht

4th in Scottish League – Dundee United

4th in Turkish League – Galatasaray

4th in Ukrainian League – Metalurh Donetsk

4th in Belgian League – Gent

Winners of Greek European Playoffs – PAOK, Panathinaikos, AEK Athens or Larissa

3rd in Bulgarian League – Cherno More Varna

Either 2nd or 3rd in Danish League – Brondby or Odense

Either 2nd or 3rd in Austrian League – Rapid Vienna or Sturm Graz

Either 2nd or 3rd in Serbian League – Vojvodina or Red Star Belgrade

2nd in Israeli Legue – Maccabi Haifa

2nd in 2008 Swedish league - Elfsborg #

2nd in Slovakian League – MŠK Žilina

2nd in Polish League – Wisla Krakow

2nd in Hungarian League – Ujpest Dozsa

3rd in Croat League – Slaven Belupo

Either 2nd In Cypriot League or Cup Winners - Omonia Nicosia # or Cup Winners

Slovenian Cup Winners – Koper or Interblock Ljubljana

Hopefully we will draw a club from a nice location. Who doesn’t want to go to the Wankdorf? Rapid Vienna would be charming, Red Star Belgrade less so. The Athenian giants or Gala on the Bosphoros could be interesting. The closer ones to Belgium, Scotland or Belgium would be convinient. Of all the options we favour; 1)  Tromso, due to the prospect of  perpetual summer sunlight causing delightful sensory confusion or 2) The Slovenian connection, due to the fact it’s in Slovenia and we’ve had a hankering for Slovenia for a while now. 

The Insult Final

Bangor City 2 Aberystwyth Town 0

Welsh Cup Final

The early start and mammoth train journey was eased slightly by the passing company. The uniting power of football was very much in evidence today. First up, two Tranmere fans going to the Women’s FA Cup final. From this conversation I learnt that Tranmere’s kitman is the brother in law of Nigel Blackwell, the singer in Half Man Half Biscuit. They also told me about one occassion when the mere presence of Nigel distracted some Leeds fans intent on ‘avin it large at some services.

Just after Hereford I met another bloke, it turned he was the owner of the “Dial M for Merthyr” flag seen at various Welsh games, another life-affirming chat.

These two very pleasant encounters threw a warm glow over my solitary passage south (I’d missed my intended train due to a lack of planning and late taxis). I was alone, as a Bangor fan, until Cardiff. Then Alwyn, Meilr and  several other faces joined me, an hour later we were ready for Llanelli.

Just afte we’d  crossed the road in front of Llanelli station a welcoming figure beckoned us in to a pub. This turned out to be inspired; the prices were still in the 20th century. Due to my role as  hawker par excellance of merchandise I had to leave the pub’s warm embrace and head off to the pub where majority of the Blue Army were, the Halfway House, wherever that was.

I enquired as to its location in the turf accountants next door. The people behind the counter didn’t know but someone else did, in the middle of explaining he said, “Wait a minute, I’ll give you a lift!!” This was the piece-de-resistance so far – Offering a lift to a total stranger with a big bag and some chequered flags. Day after day of people pushing on to public transport and general rudeness has jaded me but this kind offer blunted my cynicism, people can be human after all!! He was a Swansea fan too!!

After an hour of singing, drinking and selling (3 flags, 8 wigs and 3 scarves) I left with the blue hordes for the ground. The day was almost magical so far!! Then we came across the bane of modern society; the rules.

The Steward took one look at my chequered flags and that was that; “Have you got permission to sell those?” Not “Hello”, not “Welcome!!” not even “Can you open you bag sir?” Before I could reply with “Well I won’t sell any more so I’m not going to try anyway” he was on his walkie talkie to his immediate Gauleiter. I couldn’t come in with the flags, sir.

I came upon the idea of handing them out to people and then collecting after we’d gone through the gate. The watertight security cottoned on to this but my double bluff had worked, I was nearly past. He casually remarked “If I see you selling them I’ll confiscate them” That was me told.

As soon as I was through the turnstile I was besieged by a customer, I sold a scarf, naughty old me. I flagrantly disobeyed my command until the stock was gone, well who am I to deprive eager young fans of cheap merchandise, I’m just a pipeline?

My flags were attached to railings and I was finally ready for the final. “THE GIANT IN BLUE IS AFTER YOU…” As the teams and crowd sang the anthem, I made my flag based protest against the FAW’S foresight in holding the final at such a friendly hour.

The match was alright. “SHOES OFF IF YOU LOVE BANGOR!!” We looked dangerous going forward and fairly solid at the back. Having said that Aber hit the post. “SIT DOWN IF YOU LOVE BANGOR!! Just before half time “The Giant in Blue, Les Davies” scored with a header. “STAND UP IF YOU LOVE BANGOR” During the half I began to regret my sales, two young Bangor fans decided to blow their horns roughly 3 inches from either of my ears. Charming, no respect nowadays.

Just after the start of the second leg Chris Seargent scored our second. “… WALKING DOWN THE FARRAR ROAD TO SEE THE BANGOR ACES!!” The rest of the half dragged as we waited for the final whistle. Aber had a few chances and so did we. Bari Morgan is still a little twat. After 3 minutes of injury time the Cup was ours again. “WELSH CUP’S COMING HOME!!” I’m not saying we weren’t welcome but the stadium staff didn’t seem to want us dirty Soccer fans to be there any longer than normal. Firstly the attitude at the gate, then not ten minutes after the final whistle one goal lay dismembered. Jesus, the sweat hadn’t even dried yet. The impatient barman was telling us to drink up, he had to get home.

15 minutes after the end of the match the euphoria had subsided a bit and I was faced with a rather practical problem; the return trip to the station. Work was on the horizon. Due to environmental concerns I opted to walk. My internal compass told me the direction, some bloke told me the direction, another bloke told me the direction, I flagged a car down and the driver told me the direction, then the driver said “I’ll take you!!” Blessed relief. Bloody hell everyone in South Wales is nice.

Thankfully I had the thought of another European trip to warm me on the way home otherwise I may have tired of its never-ending quality.

Last but by no means least

Newtown 1 Bangor City 3

Welsh Premier League

It certainly was a lovely day for it. We parked in the middle of a fairground for some reason. What a lovely day it was to eat Chips from Wales’ finest purveyor of fried foods. What a lovely day it was to visit the tomb of renowned social reformer Robert Owen. What a lovely day!

The last league game of the season and no-one was here, well no-one except a gang of teenagers plus Les and Kath. The first half was meh, to use modern parlance. The sun left and the rain came. What a lovely day to forget your jacket it was! Whilst I promenaded leisurely to the motor vehicle  I caught the sound of high-pitched shouting. “Damn!!” said I, “…must be a Newtown goal.” I arrived back to find my guess was correct. It remained like this until half time and it didn’t look like changing much in the second half; our mostly reserve team wasn’t hitting form.

This was not the first of my predictions to turn out wrong and probably not the last either; we were level within a minute of the restart. Limbo scored it, I was assured. My mind was elsewhere but I can’t remember where now. We had a 16 year old, John Owen, up front in the second half and he looked very promising. He expertly left the ball for Macca to score our second then he actually scored our third. By this third goal we were all really enjoying the match, we looked like we could nearly score with nearly every attack. The passing was crisp but the shooting was wayward.

It was all lovely until they came, all of a sudden we were surrounded by the teenagers. They thought we’d come in a taxi, bless ‘em. They thought my flag was shit, bless ‘em. they thought we lived in caravans, eh? One teenage social commentator contemptuously threw a whole new penny in my direction with some advice; “Buy yourself some nice food.” I’m not one to judge the educational standards of today but what are they teaching our children in schools? What exactly did the donator expect us to buy with a whole new penny, you can’t even get a penny chew for a penny anymore. They must be using textbooks from the 1950s in his school. In fact I overheard him tell his mates he wanted to get home to listen to Dick Barton on the wireless. Mid Wales, it’s Grrrreat!!

Jesus, this must be at an end now

Bangor City 1 Prestatyn Town 1

Welsh Premier League

Sun, sun sun, why do you curse me so? You take away precious enthusiasm; instead of watching the match my attention rested on hitting a crash barrier with small stones. Sitting down on terracing, the very idea!! Sun, you’re a bloody pain in the arse. This was the last home game of the season and I should have been contemplating the never-ending passage of time, the linear relationship between historical events and other such bollocks but instead all I felt like doing sleeping, you heartless bastard!!

Some stuff I actually managed to see and remember (in roughly the correct chronological order) Joel from the Jet Set made it to Farrar Road, Walsh scored our goal with a header, the iceberg in goal made a fantastic save, some Prestatyn player scored the equaliser, half our team hobbled off due to Prestatyn being a bunch of dirty buggers, their number 11 looked like Limahl. (It’ s frankly unseemly that someone with such a haircut dares to argue with the humble providers of friendly advice from the terraces.) Finally Prestatyn celebrated something, were they staying up or something?

I left Farrar Road in search of a new polo shirt. I found one, you’ll doubtless be relieved to hear.

Latest Jet Set News!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hot off the presses…..

We have a new shirt!!

Unfortunately what started out as an reverential nod to the San Siro, Facchetti, Mazzola, Helenio Herrera, Italian elan and Vespas turned into a homage to Northampton Town away. Curse that poorly printed catalogue photograph.

The much missed match reports will be added when we can be bothered to write about the bloody matches.

Down, down, down, deeper and down

Bangor City 1 Caernarfon Town 1

Welsh Premier League

Well I’d have thought we’d have won but there you have it, we didn’t. The only Cofi out there, Kev Lloyd scored our goal but then we failed to push home the advantage. They equalised and I couldn’t be bothered very much after that. I may have sunstroke as I feel wobbl……………knfcdsbhx

Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun

Bridgend Town 1 Bangor City 2

Welsh Cup Semi-Final

After the winding, winding, winding way forward I was “Dishevelled in Aberystwyth”. After a few minutes in the healing sunshine I was only mildly queasy. It’s amazing, the addition of something as simple as a pane of glass changes so much. The sun streams through one and it becomes a sadistic entity but glass-free it becomes a heavenly body. Ain’t science a wonderful thing?

“The Giant in Blue is after You” cried Les. “The Giant in Blue is after you!! Big Les, Big Les!!” retorted the rest of us. The song (penned by Bangor’s answer to Lennon & McCartney; Pete and Pruney) was being memorised. Others were not as sure of the lyrics so we were besieged by anxious learners. Thanks to osmosis the whole pub was in song after 30 minutes, and perfectly in tune to boot.

The ground was taken by army manoeuvre, we feared confinement due by standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. The Police weren’t our favourites at present, it’s their habit of taking liberties with our civil liberties. We were interned and filmed last week. One day you may see me on Police, Camera, Bored Football Crowds or 101 Great Hats at Football Matches (on Sky of course).

Eventually there wasn’t a problem as we were allowed to move freely around the football ground. Get that!!! In a democracy too. The match was a bit anti-climactic. It wasn’t the goalfest I’d envisaged. Bridgend actually scored first and their 7, count ‘em!!, fans “went wild”. Fortunately Sarge’s long-ranger drew Bangor level a few minutes later.

For the rest of the half Bangor were quite comfortable. “The Giant in Blue………” rang out proudly as we sought to lift the blues. After a few goes the words were dropped in favour of  the “……….nur nur nur nur, Les-lie Davies, Bangor’s Number nine!!” bit. It’s always annoying when people don’t sing the songs as they should. Bangor were still comfortable until half time. 1-1.

The second half was watched in the sun, Somehow we weren’t as dangerous anymore. We weren’t allowed behind the goal mind, so not totally rehabilitated just yet. The second half was mainly about feeling comfortable in a distinctly uncomfortable way. We didn’t look like we would be in any danger but every time Bridgend took the ball over the halfway line you didn’t know if it would lead to one of those moments of dread. Bangor weren’t getting much on target so we definitely couldn’t relax. As the half stretched out in front of us the supportive chants and comments were replaced gradually by more nervous comments; “We could lose this” said Mash. “This could be bad” said Pete. “What if we go out?!?!” thought I, not that I’m easily led or anything.

Then Killer scored and all was serene again; the sun was sunnier, the air was cleaner, the warm coke was warmer. As the team relaxed they could have scored a couple more. About 15 minutes after the second goal the final whistle blew and we were all happy. Loverly Jubberly, Bosch!! Just to ice our satisfying cake there were no 70s throwback racism in the clubhouse and we ate our leftovers unmolested. Another Welsh Cup Final and another day out, shoes off!!

Another Final

The New Saints 2 Bangor City 0

Loosemore’s League Cup Final

Got to the League Cup Final again, played the League Cup Final again , lost the League Cup Final again. Two new details about today were; I had a stomach ache and one of my flags was nicked by an arsehole.

Black and White

Wales 0 Finland 2

World Cup 2010 Qualifier

28/3/09

This is what’s it’s all about; 2 train carriages full of Wales supporters on their way to Cardiff every couple of months.  The heady anticipation, the overpriced food, the ceremonial drinking of the mid morning six-pack whilst wearing a rugby shirt. This is living alright. We disembarked at approximately 11:20 and calmly purchased our match tickets. We calmly walked to a pub but found the Zero Degrees was shut, the City Arms was shut, Dempsey’s was shut, The Goat Major was shut. The shops were open. I swore that somebody had told me there was something happening in Cardiff city centre today but I must have misheard.

Dafydd, Jonathan and I eventually found a hostelry and it was nice. Apparently it used to be a favourite of the Free Wales Army but I didn’t feel any more “patriotic” or right wing or more likely to firebomb a Caravan. It’s funny how from one generation to the next a place can lose one significance and gain another, the circle of life one might say. We had a few more in the pubs we couldn’t get in earlier, a few Finns provided unintelligible company.

The tickets were in a favourable position, potentially 50 empty seats of leg room each!! Although we had to stay on the right the side of the steps again, quite obviously. There were a few Finns, including some from the “East Midlands Massive”. The Jet Set decided that today would be our Flag Day and what a display it made, the stadia of Italy have nothing on it.

Anyway the game kicked off and it was ok; Wales looked like they had a clue about winning. The ball didn’t make it towards the Finnish goal very often, however. There was nice passing and a few crosses but there was also a bit of Bellamy moaning and thigh-slapping in that inimitable style. Why does he always seem to want to prostrate himself before the deity of the ref? He offers up his hands and screws up his face, it must be fairly uncomfortable for someone as close to him as the ref. Well “he cares” I suppose. The Finns offered little in the first half, guess who scored first? Were we out of the World Cup?

The second half was frustrating, the parts that Wales got right in the first half were absent in the second and so we looked like scoring even less. Then Aaron Ramsey came on and hope re-entered my mind. He gave the ball away a couple of times, never mind  we’d still do it! He failed to control a couple, never mind we’d still do it, he’ll do a turn or something in a minute and smash the ball in – just like against England – you’ll see. The time ebbed away, never mind it only takes a minute to score a goal! The hope part of my brain was dominant because I’d failed to add in the following; we needed to win and didn’t look like doing it; we’d replaced Carl Fletcher with Carl Robinson in order to keep things the same; we were getting worse as the game progressed. Then Finland scored again and that was that, as some dick once said.

The scrum at the station wasn’t bad and we actually boarded the correct train. Now your team is out, what could you do to cheer yourself up? Well I’d say you could do anything; think happy thoughts (e.g. picturing John Terry’s finely chiseled face covered in rivulets of tears whilst he watches his prized, but illegally parked, Bentley being towed away, picturing Chris Moyles being cast into exile in Mongolia, imagining that Jeremy Clarkson has been sent to prison for political incorrectness etc), you could read War and Peace, you could amaze all with you showbiz anecdotes…. What won’t cheer you up in any way whatever is hearing a drunken imbecile alternate between blowing a plastic horn and telling everyone he’d been so drunk he’d missed the second half so he’d had to sleep on Cardiff station. After the tenth time, I could take him off exactly. We had peace for about 20 minutes until he remembered his phone, same again for an hour.

Then we had what will become known in years to come as the “Chinese Debate” from the same group;  ”Are we getting one?”, “What shall we have?”, “When should we order it? If we order it now (by Shrewsbury) it’ll be cold by the time we get home (Prestatyn!!)”, “What are you having?” It was just like Frost/Nixon.

Just as you thought you were safe, at Chester on come the ordinary civilians talking too loudly. “I don’t see the point in learning Welsh myself” opined the student. Then, just after that I found Dafydd’s seat. We were having a rather nice conversation and a few Chester fans from Caernarfon intervened, Chester fans form Caernarfon!?!?!, it was all getting too weird. I left the party train at the Junction. Like the man said; “Watching Wales, it’s living alright!!”

Wales 0 Germany 2

World Cup 2010 Qualifier

1/4/09

I arrived late and had just taken my stool when Ballack cracked it home. Apart from that the first half was fairly good from a Welsh point of view, we had the ball and worked it well, we broke, we passed well and could quite easily argue that we were unlucky to be behind. We should have been awarded a penalty, it was clear as the hand in front of  your face (if that’s where you put your hands). Then the throw in that led to Ballack’s goal should have been our throw in, we should have been winning 1-0!

So we should be winning and we’re playing well, what happens next? Wales score an own goal for the Germans, it’s goodnight and thank you so early in the second half. By this time I’d stopped paying attention properly and began to wonder how many England “fans” over there at the other screen were actually football fans.

Were they there because that’s what bloke do when there footy. There seemed to be an awful lot that didn’t appear to mind missing most of the action. Then, after closer inspection, I began to wonder how many of the England  “fans” over there were actually English anyway. I recognised several who were “Welsh” when it suited them, one of whom went to a Welsh medium secondary school.

Fair play to ‘em, in their semi-sober states they’ve shown up the inherent problem in the concept of Nationality. They’ve taken on board the ideas of Benedict Anderson and Eric Hobsbawm; that Nations and Nationalities are invented concepts that didn’t , in fact couldn’t, exist before the 18th century. By their simple actions they’ve also shown that we don’t readily fit neatly into little compartments. They’ve shown that we define the world on our terms, the world doesn’t define us. It’s either all this or they’re glory-hunting bastards.

Conwy Soccer Sixes Weeks 5 & 6

Llandudno Jet Set 4 Pint Size Penguins 2

It didn’t start off too well. The ball stayed by our goal, our defence lay motionless and all was lost, quite literally. Then we seized the moment; commeth the hour, commeth the Dan; 2-1 Half Time. The second half was ours. 3 goals and no reply. Neil’s goal (and our fourth) is one you’d love to score. A stylish tackle, a stylishly languid run and a stylish finish. A win in style!

Llandudno Jet Set 1 Tudno Tigers 1

Sometimes there are more important things than winning. This sentence came readily to mind just after our keeper hit the ground as the result of an assault. We could have lost and we didn’t play well. However it’s difficult to keep one eye on the ball, one on the ground and another on a leg lunging towards your upper body from behind.