Some Cup Finals

TNS 2 Cefn Druids 0,

Welsh Cup Final – Played at Nantporth,

5/5/12

If I hadn’t been required in the shop I probably would have given this match a wide birth as the thought of seeing a happy Mike Harris is extremely chilling, if not downright disgusting. One good thing to come from today was being able to see what happens when Bangor aren’t in the final.

It was quite interesting to see what happens behind the scenes. I was able to have a sneaky peak behind the scenes because I blundered around the main stand looking for a bag of merchandise. I walked through the clubhouse (“The VIP section” for the final) and then went into the inner sanctum of any football club; the players’ and officials’ corridor. I opened the door at the same moment Steve Evans left the TNS changing room, he eyed me suspiciously.

I couldn’t find the accursed bag of merchandise anyway, I had a look in the media room (“The room that Vera and Linda were using to make tea and squash” for the final) and in the doping room (“The Media Room” for the final) but I couldn’t find anything.

Nantporth seemed quite busy today but this wasn’t because there was a large crowd, there wasn’t a large crowd. There were a lot of people doing jobs. It’s an obvious thing to say but you need people doing jobs to help events run smoothly. You need people to do all the small, unseen jobs like operating the turnstiles, selling programmes, being ball boys, dressing up in  cuddly dragon costumes, assembling the winners’ podium. The fact the FAW were paying people to do some of the jobs shows that they realise people are needed as well.

The game wasn’t much to shout about. Here are the basics; Druids rarely threatened, TNS established a clinical 2-0 lead then couldn’t be arsed to make an effort after that. At the end of the match the TNS players celebrated but I struggled find a reason why they were quite so happy. I mean, what did winning the Welsh Cup actually mean to them? Their club has hardly any fans and they don’t represent a place. It felt like I was watching my six-a-side team celebrating a victory.

If you want an image that exemplified today it would be the kid in the full TNS kit incessantly banging a drum whilst he stood next to the half-time tea bar queue. Nothing would stop him, not even his mother’s appeals, can you imagine how annoying and irritating the noise was? Irritation could have been the word of the day.

If you think about it the image I just presented; “TNS annoying the fuck out of people”, it’s not just an apposite image for this year’s Welsh Cup final, it’s an apposite image for the whole of Welsh domestic football in 2012.

 

 

 

Bangor City 4 Glantreath 1,

North Wales Coast Cup Final – Played at Nantporth,

6/5/12

So Bangor actually won some silverware this season. The scoreline suggests an easy victory and for once suggestion is more than mere suggestion.

It was good to see that the less than full-strength Bangor team today enjoyed their victory. It was also good to be able to toast the end of the season in the clubhouse.

Now we only have to wait seven weeks until the European draw!

Holhead Hotspur 2 Holywell Town 1,

Barritt Cup Final – Played at Caernarfon,

12/5/12

The match was typical fare for this level. To judge from the tackling, argy-bargy and Holyhead’s post-match celebratory banners these sides didn’t like each other.

On the way home I wondered when the Holyhead fans had made the banners. I surmised that nobody would actually go to the trouble of making a celebratory banner before a match, as nobody would knowingly tempt fate like this.

By discounting that possibility there was only one other possibility; the banners were made directly after the match. However the makers would need to work at a speed approaching light speed to produce a banner directly after the match. As an experienced banner maker I knew that working quickly doesn’t always produce the best results, they simply wouldn’t have enough time to make a legible banner of the quality that they produced.

This meant discounting the second possibility and reassessing the first possibility, which meant accepting the idea that some Holyhead fans made the banner in preparation for the match. I should applaud the decision of the Holyhead fans. When they decided to make a banner they made a good decision,  football needs banners!!  I applaud the fact that a banner was produced. I applaud them for the effort involved in obtaining the paraphernalia; the banner material, the pain, the brushes. After getting all the stuff together I can only applaud the effort in making the banner.

But, and it’s massive but, after clearing all the barriers they came up with that! (See Below) They used their time, effort and creativity to make a banner that references Britney Spears!!! I mean come on now people, you could have done better than that!!! I now want Holyhead to lose all their matches.

Some more matches

Prestatyn 0 Bangor City 4,

Welsh Premier League,

16/ 3/12

This match had been significant for a long time because it was going to be the endpoint for a fundraising endeavour. When I say the endpoint I literally mean the endpoint; Bastion Gardens was going to be the finishing point for a sponsored walk.

You may be wondering why people embarked on a sponsored walk, well let me offer a small explanation; our club needs to build a terrace at the “Bridge End” of Nantporth and the BCFCSA agreed to help raise money for it. Therefore the BCFCSA is trying to explore every possible avenue of fundraising.

Apart from the walk we’ve come up with a couple of other ideas; firstly there’s a “Buy-A-Brick” scheme and this offers a chance to leave a permanent record of your support, there’s also the book about the history of Farrar Road being written by Glynne, a notable BCFCSA member. To the untrained, i.e. moaning bastards, these examples may not sound much but we, the BCFCSA, are organising them by ourselves  and even this amount of  fundraising has already required loads of effort. Hopefully once all the potential money comes in the BCFCSA should be able to donate quite a substantial amount towards the cost of the terrace.

The truly impressive thing about the fabulous act of the 15 sponsored walkers is that they walked to the match from Bangor. They covered the long long distance, 36 miles, in about 16 hours. You can imagine the aching limbs and blisters can’t you? It’s acts like this that form the backbone of football; without people going above and beyond their duty football would probably collapse.

OI YOU!!! YES YOU. OI!!!!!! I’M TALKING TO YOU!!!! YES YOU, I MEAN YOU!!!! YOU SHOULD BE DOING MORE!!!

Unfortunately I missed the walkers’ arrival on to the pitch,, I only heard the applause as I was queuing to get in. I eventually saw the walkers in the Prestatyn directors’ portakabin. As you would imagine none of them were too sprightly. As Mike said on Citizens Choice this win must be dedicated to the efforts of the walkers, I can only doff my cap to my comrades’ efforts.

After the obligatory scares the match events were as expected,  Chris Jones scored from a lovely free kick after about 20 minutes and Sion doubled our lead just before half time. In the second half Les and Sion added other goals to give the match a comfortable feel.

I could lament the fact that Prestatyn don’t put up much of a challenge any more, or I could yearn for the days of last season, but why would I do that? I quite enjoy winning 4-0 and I really enjoy seeing the resigned look on the face of Hill-Dunt. Another three points also meant we were top of the league again, which is always good.

On a final note I must tell you that there was strange atmosphere surrounding the match. It seems the sponsored walk had facilitated mutual good feelings. The good vibes began with message board expressions of admiration and offers of hospitality. The good vibes developed into full-blown sentiments of glad tidings. The really odd thing was that it happened on message boards, the very place that caused the ill-feeling in the first place. I suppose it’s more proof that messageboard loudmouths aren’t exactly the people to set the tone.

Bangor City 2 Llanelli 2,

Welsh Premier League,

24/3/12

On this day I told Llanelli where to go. Yes I actually told them where to go, well I’m a decent sort and they were going the wrong way besides I could hardly refuse to help after they’d stopped to ask for directions.

Steve Jenkins, the ex-Welsh international, asked the $64,000 question. “Where’s Bangor’s new ground mate?” Being one of those people who thinks of a witty comeback 3 hours after it’s needed I warmly answered; “Well you just go around the roundabout there and go back the way you came, it will be on the right and it’s signposted”

I stood there as Llanelli’s players drove past me, basking in Steve Jenkins’ friendly acknowledgement as he drove off. My God!!! A Welsh international had waved at me!!! Then I realised they hadn’t even offer me a lift.

Those fucking tossers!!! How could they be so bloody heartless?

As I walked through the rest of Upper Bangor I didn’t need three hours to formulate the lines. Although the thoughts were still between 3 and 15 minutes too late.

I realised what I should have said was; “Well you just go around the roundab………….Hold on a minute. Fucking find it yourself!!!!! And another thing, tell that Chris Holloway he’s a fucking gap-toothed prick as well!!!!! Now FUCK OFF!!!!!!!”

I pictured myself having the last laugh by stealing their thunder. I saw myself casually striding off, leaving Llanelli’s players dishevelled and despondent in my triumphant wake, broken men with no stomach for the fight. If only that was how things had turned out!! 

By half time I felt no need to break the spirit of men. However the events of the first half, and the strong sun, had only lulled us all into a false sense of security; Bangor were 2-0 up and seemed to be in control. How foolish we all were, the harsh rays of the sun had merely caused a mirage; the game looked over, finished.

I couldn’t help but fall into the trap; Llanelli were on a very bad run and it’s obvious that when you’re leading 2-0, and in control, against a team on a bad run you’re going to be  fooled into presuming certain things will happen. The heat was so strong that my thoughts actually ran into each other; “How many will we score?”………“This was all great!!!!” ………….. “Now that we’ve won this match we only have to win the next three and we’ll be champions again!!!!!!!!!!!!!”……………… “I really love you football!!!” ……………. “Football, you are a beautiful creature!!!”

Unfortunately for those presumptuous souls amongst Bangor’s support the second half happened. In my time I’ve noticed that it’s alright having a 2-0 lead if the other team doesn’t score. When the other team manages to score the jitters often descend and that’s what happened today. Needless to say the fuckers also scored another late equaliser.

The sunshine of a glorious now had been replaced by the despondency of a bleak tomorrow. We’d dropped two points and TNS had won. Those plastic fuckers were now 4 points ahead and we had to rely on them dropping points to win the league. I hate those relentless fraudulent football clubs with their wily ways.

If only I ‘d come up with the line that I needed when I needed it!

 

 

 

 

Cefn Druids 4 Airbus 1,

Welsh Cup Semi Final,

31/3/12

A Welsh Cup semi-final without Bangor City, what was the world coming to?

Bangor City 4 Bala Town 2,

Welsh Premier League,

6/4/12

On the eve of my esoteric honeymoon to York I ventured to Bangor wrapped in the feeling that my football hopes had been rekindled.

Even though there was rain and a tangible nervous tension in the air I took the combination as a signal that destiny was turning in our favour. If we won tonight the title was on again, I could feel it. It didn’t matter how TNS did tomorrow. I just knew that things would get better.

I was sure that the  two great possibilities that could follow a Bangor victory WOULD happen. If TNS lost we’d only be a point behind TNS again. If Neath lost we will have qualified for Europe again. So when we won and both Neath and TNS lost we will be back in the title race and back in Europe. I liked the sound of that!!! I knew it would go our way.

Unfortunately Bala went into the lead after about six minutes. Hold on, I hadn’t computed that.

Then Smythy did the decent thing by equalising with another well taken goal. After about 25 minutes Bangor were in front when Smythy scored again. He should have had a third after a mazy dribble but the shot was cruelly saved by the keeper. Obviously Bangor were leading at half time.

By the end of the half I was wet through so the second half meant the cover of the stand. This position also meant that I had a rather good view of Bangor missing several good chances. Bala managed to earn a penalty near the 70^th minute mark. From my vantage point it looked like the Bala player took to the ground rather too easily. Needless to say Bala scored from the penalty.  Someone from Bala’s bench decided to gesture wildly at us with extended fingers and arm-pumping gestures.

Usually, when a hero in blue is needed, a hero in blue acts. Consequently Peter Hoy headed Bangor’s third goal. Sion scored our fourth to seal victory against the team of the gloating simpleton in the away dugout.

We’d done our part would the fates allow us to fulfil our glorious destiny?

 

TNS 2 Llanelli 2

Welsh Premier League

7/4/12

 The unwritten laws of honeymoons state that you’re not allowed to go and watch a football match. In my case this meant missing York City v Fleetwood. Unless you’re a football fanatic you couldn’t possibly know how hard it is for a football fanatic to walk in the opposite direction from a football crowd. They say married life changes your life but I didn’t think that I’d notice differences in a matter of hours.

In the evening I received a very charming text from Les. In actual fact the text made my day complete because it told me that TNS had drawn 2-2,  just the result that Bangor needed. Now our destiny was back in our own hands. You know that things are going your way when your club doesn’t even play and results go in your favour.

I was put in such a good mood by the text I forgot the unwritten laws of honeymoons. I went to Bootham Crescent the following morning. I spit at pointless custom!

 

 

Neath FC 1 Bangor City 3,

Welsh Premier League,

15/4/12

This trip was one of the great moments of the season but we always knew that this match had the potential to become great. The fixtures, the course of the season and the events of last season meant that we already knew of the  potentially beautiful possibilities.

The great events of the Easter weekend allowed us to dream that Bangor would gain the two wins we needed from our last two matches. The great events allowed us dream about becoming Welsh champions for a second season running. And why wouldn’t we dream after last Sunday, wasn’t this what happened last year? We also dreamed of the accoutrements that comes with being Welsh champions; another couple of games in the European Cup and loads more money to spend on stuff like the ground.

The last point may sound a little too mercenary and I suppose it is. However when you look the point from another angle it becomes far more socially acceptable. If Bangor City received the several hundred Euros from UEFA this will obviously stop The New Saints from receiving it. If the New Saints were to receive the bounty Harris’ nefarious rule would be prolonged. There was tap-room gossip that The New Saints could go part-time if they were denied UEFA’s European Cup bounty. The right outcome would be sweet!!!

Mind you knowing about the right outcome leads to thinking about the right outcome and thinking about the right outcome led to hoping for the right outcome. Inadvertently hoping always leads to worrying, It was alright saying we’d win both matches but “What if we don’t win?” This is the trouble with hopes and dreams, they are often dashed when you’re too busy enjoying thoughts of what could be. It’s a vicious circle, you become hopeful,  then the worries visit, then you become hopeful again, then the worries……. This well-known process, at least by me and my therapist, happened yet again.

Even though I was almost queasy with worry I must say that the journey down to Neath was very pleasant.  The match was on a Sunday and the train service to south Wales was a bit ropey so this time I had to go by car . Livzy was driving and we picked up Phil and Mike on the way. It was all very pleasant, a good bit of moidering, a bit of food and some beverages.

Judging from the tone of conversations in the car other people were also worried about the outcome, but trying to take it easy. At some point our objective looked so easy, we only had to win two matches, at other points the problems were insurmountable; we were away in the last match on plastic and we were playing Neath, the best team in the league, today. I was confused, was I going to have a good day or a regrettable waste of time?

While the positive and negative parts of my brain were doing battle we drifted into an area with lovely scenery to look at. The breathtakingly beautiful Brecon Beacons were enhanced by the creation of a kaleidoscope of colour by the sun and clouds. After seeing the glorious vista everything felt good, I was so hopeful when we finally arrived in Neath that the only problem was not being able to find the appointed pub.

Inside the appointed pub the great and good of Bangor City were having a grand time, some were even having Sunday lunch. Today was the first appearance of the shadowy group “ The West London Blues”. “The West London Blues” had been set up by Phil and Cabs because they lived in West London and were Bangor City fans.  Up until today the only member we’d seen were Cabs and Phil, there had been rumours of visits to Bangor matches but for one reason or another we failed to see the rest of them, it was very nice to finally see them.

As I had flags to arrange I left the pub earlier than everybody else. As I was putting the flags up a kindly steward came and told me that the Bangor fans could use the terraced stand behind the goal. I didn’t rejoice, we’d heard this before. I asked him if he was serious, he assured me he was. I stayed there for a couple of minutes, ostensibly checking the flags, just to see if I’d be ushered on. When I finished checking the flags I tried to look like I was contemplating a distant glorious future . When I remained undisturbed for another couple of minutes I realised the steward was actually telling the truth.

With a spring in my step I went in Neath’s clubhouse. I spread the good news and everybody seemed very happy with it; it was usually better supporting your team from behind the goal. In the clubhouse I met a lad from Cardiff. He writes a website called Contra and he seemed very happy that I was the owner / designer of flags. It’s quite humbling when someone you’ve never met says nice things about you.

The match was so much better than the doom and gloom that plagued me would have suggested, by the end we could even say that it was even better than last year. Of course this idea wasn’t evident at the start of the match so I couldn’t help worrying. I continued worrying after Les had smashed the ball in to the goal and I continued worrying after Peter Hoy Football Genius had doubled our lead. It was going too well, almost exactly like last year.

My head felt strange. There’s nothing like an unexpected 2-0 lead to make you feel like you’re on top of the world. The joy was so intense I felt funny sensations in my torso. If the first goal was fantastic for it’s sheer unstoppable quality the second goal was fantastic in its own way; there’s nothing like seeing an annoying keeper struggling to grasp a spinning football. Instead of displaying his usual composure he looks like he’s plagued by invisible killer bees. Seeing the frantic grasping motion really makes your day. Directly after the second goal I was dumbfounded for a couple of seconds because I couldn’t quite believe what I saw, when I realised that the ref had given the goal I was able to celebrate.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing like an unexpected 2-0 lead for making you worry about things turning out badly. My head was in a mess but with extreme joy and justifiable worries in my head at the same time it was no wonder my head was in a mess. Meanwhile, our new friend from Contra seemed to be enjoying himself.

Luckily we weren’t troubled that greatly by Neath after the second goal so I felt like I could deal with half-time in a good-natured way. I could even look favourably at the annoying kids with their annoying songs and fucking musical instruments. I saw Mark from Port Talbot during half-time and it’s always nice to see a friendly face.

We could actually stand behind the goal in the second half so that’s where we stood. Finally standing behind the goal was quite a good experience generally. At the start of the second half things didn’t look so good; Neath scored. After the goal everything flashed before my eyes and everything looked bad.  When Neath managed to exert pressure the colour drained from my cheeks. Everything was turning to shit, no Europe next season, no trip!!!!

Then when a hero was needed, another blue hero scored;  Smythy smashed the ball in to the goal. This was good, this was very good. The colour was back in my cheeks and everything looked great.

Everything continued to look great. It looked great when the Neath player was sent off, it looked great when Neath began to flounder, it looked great when we heard the final whistle and the players came over to acknowledge the massive following from Bangor. Everything looked fantastic on the way home, the sun was lighting out way, and all roads led into Europe!!!!

Yes!!! We were in Europe again!!! And we could win the league again. Everything was good!!!!

 

 

 

TNS 5 Bangor City 0,

Welsh Premier League,

21/4/12

Ever since last Sunday Bangor City had been poised to become Welsh Champions for the second year in a row. People were just so convinced it would happen. “How could it not happen?” was the look on the face of everyone. It felt like destiny was with us; the coaches, cars and minibuses were filled, S4C arrived to film us getting on coaches, the sun came out, eventually. Everyone believed, we all believed. How could it go wrong?

We arrived in Oswestry and it simply wasn’t going to go wrong. Oswestry’s pubs were packed out by a Bangor City party, blue and white was everywhere. We left for “the ground” at 1:45 with a song in our hearts and glory in our minds.

By 2:25 mostly everyone was in “the ground”. We were hopeful, we were joyful, we were expectant……..

By 2:50 the players had massed in the tunnel, fans could see their faces through the. One Bangor fan was heard to remark; “Baker looks frightened!!!”

By 3:25 Bangor City were trailing 3-0 to The New Saints of Oswestry and Llansantfraid FC, the soulless creation of a dwarf, Mike Harris (Don’t ever believe Jeff Stelling). Destiny had kicked us all squarely in the bollocks. Consequently the Blue Army sought other entertainment.

In the second half we found our entertainment. It all started just before half time……

……The announcer announced that migration between ends was prohibited (by mutual consent they said).

We scoffed at this contravention of civil liberties. Fans of semi-pro teams value their right to migrate from one end to the other. If you ask me it was another case of dwarf-owner’s pettiness.

The Blue Army wasn’t going to take this lying down! Then we came across the flimsy plastic orange fencing (of the style you see around holes in the middle of pavements). We were quite literally stumped!!

Then we noticed that some of our ingenious Blue Army Comrades had decided to go through an exit gate; they were obviously heading for the area behind the TNS fans. After a minute or so we could see that they’d actually made it to the other end!! Then they went up the slope to enhance their viewing. At first there were four brave souls; Then there was a trickle; Then they segregated themselves; Then most of us were there; Then we gave the arranged signal (Taking our shoes off)……..;

…….Soon everybody from Bangor City was on to the hill (fans, directors, suspended players, club shop manager, Chairman). The nameless slope became “The Bangor Bank”.

We left eventually to salute our players for providing yet another European adventure;

Losing 5-0 in a title decider is not something that usually leads to a warm glow but the blue army had a warm glow today. We had a glow even though we knew we’d be denied European Cup football. We had a glow even though we knew the dwarf would have European prize money to keep his wet dream of a fake football club (think MK Dons in a 6-a-side complex) going. We had the glow even though we knew the players and fan(s) of TNS were in effect shitting on the soul of football by celebrating the dwarf-owner’s ability to fund his self-publicising bullshit.

We still had the glow because if legitimising a self-publicist’s wet dream is the price of success we’ll wear the title “runner-up” with pride.

By migrating, by creating “The Bangor Bank”, we’d shown all of them (MK Dons / Salzburg Red Bulls / Colne Dynamoes / My nemesis Platini) that the spirit of football won’t be stymied by a dwarf-owner with money. We had a smashing time migrating too!

But then we are fans of a proper club. A proper club that provides hot meals for returning fans. Would TNS have acted in a similar fashion in similar circumstances? Would they fuck, they have neither the feeling nor the imagination. After we arrived back in Bangor I looked around the new clubhouse and saw disappointment etched in faces and postures but I also saw a glow. This glow is all that will matter in years to come my friends because there will be a time when fake football clubs are consigned to the dustbin of history. The contrast between the two clubhouses is telling; Bangor’s clubhouse is full of memorabilia evoking social history whereas TNS’ clubhouse features a facsimile of a newspaper cutting with the headline; “HARRIS SILENCES HIS CRITICS”

 

Rhyl 1 Bangor City 2,

North Wales Coast Cup Semi-Final,

24/4/12

Bangor should have won by more than we did. In the first half  we would have scored a couple with more accurate shooting and we would have created several chances with more accurate passing. Rhyl looked ok but didn’t look like scoring until Johnno made an uncharacteristic mistake in the last minute. Bully scored both out goals today. The first one was good enough by itself but Bully’s second goal was something else.

Bully’s second goal was quite possibly the best goal I’ve ever seen. The goal was a direct result of Rhyl equalising in the last-minute of a match they were lucky to still be in. Imagine the scene………….

…..The air is filled by the gloating of idiots, the ball is on the centre spot, Bully is standing in the centre circle. The ref blows his whistle and Bully receives possession of the ball…….

All Bully needed was a split second to see the keeper was slightly too far off his line. Bully had his chance so he decided to shoot………

The ball flew through the air, the idiots carried on gloating. the ball was level with the 18 yard line, the idiots carried on gloating, the ball looked like it was going to  loop over the keeper!!!!!!, the idiots carried on gloating, the keeper tried to reach out to the ball, the idiots carried on gloating, the keeper touched the ball but couldn’t stop it, the idiots carried on gloating, the ball went in to the roof of the net and the idiots were stunned in to silence. It’s was a fanastic piece of improvised skill!!

Bully’s goals weren’t the only thing that perked me up, the songs sang by the Rhyl fans really did the trick too. The songs ran the full gamut!!! From unintended comedy; seamlessly moving from “Always defecate on the Bangor side of the Bridge!!” or “We at the Bangor haters!!!” one minute, to “WHO ARE YA?, WHO ARE YA?, WHO ARE YA?” the next. Via mind-bending surrealism of “Where were you when you were shit?” Before ending up at the frankly odd; “TNS, TNS, TNS, TNS“

You’d think that some of the Rhyl “fans” had only come to the match to hurl abuse at Bangor City fans. I normally hate to judge but when 50-60 people watch and try to goad the opposition fans instead of supporting “their” club you can’t help but judge. When you see impressionable teenagers being led  by middle-aged blokes it’s certainly difficult not to judge.

Preston North End 2 Charlton Athletic 2, 

League One,

28/4/12

I’ve already mentioned the stuff that happened on this day here and here. One last thing I will say is that it’s alway nice to hear jovial sarcasm from a man who knows how to destroy a person with words.

Here are some pictures to look at;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shootouts, Blatter and Frank Carson

Apparently Sepp Blatter is giving serious consideration to doing away with penalty shootouts. The BBC reported the story at 10:19 this morning;

“Fifa president Sepp Blatter has asked Bayern Munich honorary president Franz Beckenbauer to come up with an alternative to the “tragedy” of penalty shoot-outs.

Beckenbauer is head of the Football Task Force 2014, a group designed to recommend rule changes.

“Football can be a tragedy when you go to penalty kicks,” Blatter said. “Football should not go to one to one. When it goes to penalty kicks football loses its essence.”

He added: “Perhaps Franz Beckenbauer with his football 2014 group can show us a solution, perhaps not today but in the future.”

The Champions League final was decided on penalties this season; with Chelsea winning after Bayern Munich dominated the game. It was the 10th time that the European Cup final has gone to a shoot-out.

Zambia also won a major cup in a penalty shoot-out this season, beating Ivory Coast for the Africa Cup of Nations.

The World Cup final has twice been decided on penalties, with Brazil beating Italy in 1994 and Italy seeing off France in 2006.

Blatter referred to the “tragedy” of shoot-outs after Italy’s win, although four years later he suggested having all draws in World Cup group games ending with penalties.

The Swiss was speaking to delegates at the Fifa congress on Friday.

Fifa has revealed the decision on the introduction of goal-line technology will take place in Zurich on 5 July rather than in Kiev three days earlier, the day after the Euro 2012 final.

Hawk-Eye, a camera-based system, will be used by independent testers during England’s friendly against Belgium on 2 June, although match officials will have no access to data and the trial will have no impact on any contentious goal-line decisions.”

11 minutes after the BBC published its story, the Daily Mail ran with a slightly tweaked version, coincidence?;

“FIFA President Sepp Blatter has asked German great Franz Beckenbauer to find an alternative to the ‘tragedy’ of penalty shootouts.

Blatter told the FIFA Congress on Friday that football ‘loses its essence’ when matches are settled by penalty kicks.

Football ‘can be a drama, even a tragedy, when we go to penalty kicks,’ Blatter said. ‘Football should not go to one to one, because when football goes to penalty kicks, it loses its essence as a team sport.’

Chelsea beat Bayern Munich in a shootout last weekend to win the Champions League after the German side had dominated a game that finished in a 1-1 draw after extra time.

Beckenbauer, the former Bayern captain and president, heads FIFA’s Task Force Football 2014 panel which Blatter created in 2010 to improve football before the next World Cup in Brazil.

‘Perhaps Franz Beckenbauer with his Football 2014 group can present us with a solution, if not today then tomorrow.’

The task force has met several teams, but has shown little public interest in scrapping penalty shootouts.

Beckenbauer’s task force deputy chairman Kalusha Bwalya also has recent experience of a shootout.

Bwalya, a Zambian playing great, saw his home nation win the Africa Cup of Nations in February on a shootout after drawing 0-0 with Ivory Coast.”

The articles are rather similar in tone and content aren’t they? It’s all there; Blatter, Beckenbauer, “football 2014 group”, Zambia…….. There is one major way in which the articles differ however; their headlines. The BBC went for the sober angle;

 

“Sepp Blatter wants penalty shoot-out alternative.”

The Daily Mail didn’t opt for the sober angle;

“Why now, Sepp? Germans lose ONE penalty shootout to English and Blatter calls for alternative!”

The differing presentations of news within our national media certainly proves the wisdom of the late Frank Carson; it is all about the way you tell them!!!

Kit Design for dummies

I’ve designed some kits for the AFC LOKOMOTIV LLANDUDNO JET SET.

Here’s the Home Kit;

Here’s the Away Kit;

For the home kit I thought of past glories; hence the round collar. I thought of Bangor City; hence the colour scheme. I thought of a Super Furry Animals single from 1996;

I was also inspired by one of the world greatest ever sports films, “Le Mans”.

Nothing implies “gallant, stylish loser” more than Steve McQueen’s character, Michael Delaney. If ever an idea has exemplified the concept of AFC LOKOMOTIV LLANDUDNO JET SET, it’s the idea of losing stylishly. The feeling that motivates our players out of bed is the idea of losing stylishly. We firmly believe that it’s better to commiserate on your knees than celebrate like a feckless gobshite with shocking manners. Winning joylessly without style is anathema to the Jet Set.

I carried on with the film motif  for the away kit but instead of merely using it an as inspiration I sat in the Jet Set’s high-end design studio and laughed at convention before throwing it out of the window. I simply applied the motif to the kit. The colours of the kit were chosen for two reasons; our giant flag is black and yellow and I wanted to pay homage to Elton John;

I suppose I better tell you how the kit’s made. The kits will be made be skilled artisans in workers’ co-operatives. They will be made out of the finest ethically sourced cloth known to man, Peace Silk.

Our Peace Silk is made via “A special manufacturing process removes the outer irritant sericin coating of the silk, which makes it suitable as non-absorbable surgical sutures. This process has also recently led to the introduction of specialist silk underclothing for children and adults with eczema where it can significantly reduce itch.” To put this another way; our players will feel simply divine when they set foot on the pitch.

The reason for designing new kits will be revealed in due course.

Solidarity is always nice to see!

Yesterday thanks to twitter I saw two things that gave me a warm glow. The first thing was a photo taken at an Austria Salzburg match;

The second thing was a video about the differences between Austria Salzburg and the Salzburg Red Bulls;

As Phil from Ffwtbol tweeted yesterday, it’s a shame that Austria Salzburg fans seem to care more about the threat to Cardiff City’s identity than some Cardiff fans do. When I say “some Cardiff fans” I mean people like the tools I saw on the BBC Wales news. Honestly some people see a few zeroes and everything else becomes invisible, these people make me sick.

Would-be terrace legends need a little synchronicity.

They say a lot of things about social media. One of the most encouraging things that they say about social media is that it can facilitate social change. They say that the discontent expressed on social media helps to bring down corrupt, dictatorial regimes. They say that social media speeds up a revolutionary process that used to take months or even years. Some advocates of social media even say that will eventually herald a new epoch of human co-existence, well that’s the theory anyway.

I’d like to change the world so I decided to get in on the ground floor with this theory.  I’d like to instigate something and leave my mark on the world. I’d like people to point at me and say “There’s the bloke that started something”. I want to ride the crest of the social media wave. 

I desperately want to agitate for social change as it sounds like something I should try but I remember the example of Icarus so prudence feels the more attractive option. At least this way I could ease myself into the world of societal change.

After much thought I realised that I didn’t actually want to be cyberspace’s Trotsky, what I really wanted was to try and break into the realm of public acclaim via social media. To cut a long story short I decided to try to use social media to become a terrace legend. I thought that this was the way to achieve all the acclaim of  getting rid of a dictator without all the inconvenience of a visit from the secret police after the dictator has re-taken power.

As with societal change social media has removed the fuss from becoming a terrace legend. It used to be hard; you had to fight a load of hard blokes, be consistently hilarious, have an anti-social quirk or consistently come up with catchy chants.  Nowadays, in this banter-led football paradigm, all you need is social media. All you need to do is be the first person to come up with an off-colour joke, or type a tweet with the hashtag #justprovingImthekingofbanter and hey presto!,  you’re an instant hero. Now all I needed was an opportunity!!!

I have great faith in Jung’s idea of Synchronicity and this faith is often well placed. For example let’s consider the events of last week. At a time when I want public acclaim a story involving the fans of Swansea City appeared.

It was a story that relied on quotes. Brendan Rogers, the Swansea manager, said;  ”I am going to ask all the fans on that day if they can wear, as a tribute to ourselves and Elvis Presley, as many Elvis costumes as I want to see.”  Mr. Rogers said this because at the start of this season someone else had said this; “You have more chance of seeing Elvis, then Swansea staying up”.

Football fans and managers have a long memory for slights against their club so the Swansea fans decided to follow their manager’s plea. They decided to stick two finger up to the doubters with a tongue -in-cheek display;

In contemporary society people crave fame. In the contemporary banter-led football paradigm terrace legends crave infamy and it looked like I now had my opportunity.

I saw my big chance to be a modern-day football icon; the bigmouth joker that motivated people. I wanted to become a target for the twitter hate mob. I wanted the ire of “The Jack Bastards”.  I wanted them to dress up in fancy dress next season because of the things I’d said. With social media at my fingertips my opportunity had come knocking, I wasn’t going to waste it so I tweeted;

“Next season there’s more chance of Glenn Miller playing Clwb Ifor Bach than of Swansea staying in the premier league!!!!!”

I liked the idea of thousands of people getting in the mood by dressing like a 1940s band leader!

After a few minutes no-one had bitten, there was no ire, no hate-filled rejoinders, there was nothing. I didn’t worry because the amount of traffic of twitter is often so great you don’t get replies for several hours.

I waited roughly 10 minutes before trying again;

“There’s more chance of Kriss Kross reforming than Swansea staying in the premier league next season.”

I longer to see thousands of people turning up to the Liberty Stadium with their clothes on back to front;

Even with a knockback I was sure that I was going to be regarded as a “ledge” by the end of this. I thought that putting “premier league” at the end of the tweet, instead of the beginning, would help me become a “ledge”. It didn’t; 10 minutes after my tweet there was still no response. I tried a third tweet;

“There’s more chance of Chaucer writing “Canterbury Tales Two; The Miller’s Revenge” than Swansea staying in the premier league next season!”

I relished the idea that next May people will turn up to Swansea’s last match wearing medieval robes and speaking Middle English. After 15 minutes the barrage of hate-filled tweets had failed to materialise.

I gave it another ten minutes and typed one last tweet;

“There’s more chance of Niels Bohr reformulating his theory of Atomic Structure than of Swansea staying in the premier league next season.”

I couldn’t wait to see thousands of the “Jack Bastards” in tweed jackets discussing quantum theory with their peers. Again my tweets failed to inspire infamy. There were message board hate mobs labelling me “numpty” or “ tosser”.  

I have to live with my lack of infamy; I have to live with the knowledge that I’m not a terrace legend, that I’m not a “ledge”. This “creating social movements through social media” business wasn’t as easy as it looked.

Yet more olympic rubbish.

 

On Sunday the front page of Wales on Sunday carried a very worried article with an almost snappy headline;

 

“Poor ticket sales lead to fears Wales’ Olympics events could flop”

Poor ticket sales have led to concerns Wales’ Olympics events could flop

It has been billed as a flagship event for Wales and Cardiff.

But serious concerns are now being raised that Olympic football earmarked for the Millennium Stadium is in danger of turning into a damp squib.

The very first event of the games – a women’s football match featuring Team GB in Cardiff – has so far sold just 11,000 tickets, leaving most of the huge 74,500-seater ground empty.

We understand another football game in Cardiff has sold just 2,000 tickets – just 3% of the Millennium Stadium’s capacity.

And 259,000 tickets remain for the Olympics’ football games in total with 75 days to go until the opening ceremony.” 

If you read between the lines of the article you could see that it’s a non-story. Unfortunately olympic hysteria has turned this non-story into a story, just look at the urgent tone of the last sentence I have just quoted for evidence of this; “And 259,000 tickets remain for the Olympics’ football games in total with 75 days to go until the opening ceremony“. In real life two and a half months is surely long enough to sell some tickets, which, rather interestingly, is a point made later in the article by the spokesman for the organising committee;

“The spokesman…. said there is a long way to go for people to access tickets.”

Even though the journalists included evidence that showed the headline story was actually a non-story the editors still decided to employ a sensationalist approach. The dramatic language;  a series of quotes framed by conjecture and over-reaction, gave the article a fairly depressive tone.  This dramatic depressive tone turns a few unsold tickets into “The debacle of the empty seats”, a heinous stain upon  society, something that puts “the image of Wales” at grave risk,

“We can reveal today that senior political figures are concerned that tens of thousands of empty seats will be highly embarrassing for Wales and its capital. 

And business leaders said the number of tickets sold so far was “alarmingly low”, creating the real danger that events could be played out in front of an estimated global audience of 1.6 billion people in near-empty venues, “damaging not only the image of Wales but the Olympics as a whole”.

Apparently everybody was concerned about the grave threat to “the image of Wales”. Russell Lawson, The director of international trade body the Wales International Business Council and former head of public affairs at the Federation of Small Businesses in Wales, said; “Instead we have the real possibility that events could be played out in near-empty venues, which damages not only the image of Wales but the Olympics as a whole.” Cardiff council’s leader-elect, Heather Joyce, said that thousands of empty seats would “not be a true reflection of Cardiff and Wales’ sporting heritage”

Tranquility and measured thought are often the first casualties of major event hysteria. They should remember that they are talking about a few empty seats at Olympic football matches not something majorly important for human society. If they had done a smidgen of research they would know that there are always empty seats to be found during an olympic football tournament;

I can’t remember people saying that images like this had ruined the reputation of Athens 2004. How is “The debacle of the empty seats” going to make Cardiff look bad?

Apart from an air of embarrassment the article also contained a heavy sense of being let down; “In April, organisers said ticket sales would pick up when the draw was made. But that hasn’t materialised.” The article also contained people moaning for the sake of moaning; ”Concerns have been raised that organisers have concentrated so much on London that other venues have been forgotten.”  Ooh those silly organisers, concentrating on the city that will host the games!!!

Disappointment means that there have to be scapegoats, Roy J. Thomas blames ”a lack of communication between Locog and Cardiff” Russell Lawson blames the choice of events on offer;  “However, (Team GB’s women’s team) playing against New Zealand isn’t exactly the biggest fixture in world football – so this might not help.

Political capital can also be made out of the situation. Bethan Jenkins said:“The failure to sell tickets to events here in Wales comes as a result of the fact that people in Wales feel disconnected from the Olympics………..Consecutive Labour and ConDem UK governments have failed to do the work necessary to make people in Wales feel they have ownership of the games.

The feelings of being let down stem from the widely accepted fallacy that the olympics movement is a fabulous gift horse. Roy J Thomas, director of the Cardiff Business Partnership and a director of the Millennium Stadium wholeheartedly believes in this idea; to him the olympics is a “positive thing for Wales ….. a success story for Wales in terms of economics.”  Bethan Jemkins, a Plaid AM, goes even further by demanding that; “…. it is important that the people of Wales are able to reap some benefit.”

Why should Wales reap benefits? Cardiff isn’t the main venue and we’re only talking about six or so football matches. Which rich visitors will be queuing to see Team GB v Uruguay or Mexico v Switzerland?  If the moaners had stuck to saying something like; “Well it will be fantastic to see elite sports performers performing in Wales, I can’t understand why people won’t come” I may have gone along with them but these sort of moaners always reduce matters to purely economic terms so I can’t.

In a contradictory mish-mash of an article the general tone; we should feel massively let down by the olympics failure to provide  us with loads of money, is pitted against quotes telling us we shouldn’t be surprised when the games let us down by the olympics’ failure to provide  us with loads of money . Dr Charles Smith-Brocca, an economist from Swansea Metropolitan University, points to parallels between the situation in Cardiff and the situation in Athens in 2004; “One of their arguments was that football would spread the Olympic benefits outside the capital. But when I was there, there was not really much evidence on the ground to support that.”

In other words the non-story contains more evidence that it’s a non-story.

The tone of the article is so downbeat that sensible suggestions for solving the “debacle of the empty seats” are shot down. Cardiff’s Mayor elect suggests an eminently suitable solution: “My first thoughts were ‘let’s get them out to the schools’ This solution will give kids a chance to be part of historic sporting event that’s happening near their homes but the journalists see the problems in doing this;

“Giving away spare tickets would appear unlikely, however, as it would likely anger sports fans who have already forked out at least £20……. Any decision on that controversial suggestion would be taken by UK Government ministers. But if this were to happen it would throw up logistical challenges, such as who to give them to and how to transport them to Cardiff ……”

What the fuck are the journalists moaning about? I distinctly remember that Cardiff has hosted quite a few sporting events with large crowds.

The worst bit of the article was the small paragraph that highlights what the organisers think about the “debacle of the empty seats”; they want to lecture us about our refusal to swallow the expensively produced bullshit that’s been offered to us;

“Of further concern is the fact that the situation in Wales appears to be mirrored in Scotland, where the chairman of the British Olympic Association Colin Moynihan said this week he was “disappointed” that 90% of tickets for matches to be played at Hampden Park in Glasgow had not yet been sold.”

He seems to be annoyed that people can think for themselves. You can almost hear him say “Jesus you ungrateful troglodytes what more did you want? We’ve brought the olympics to Britain’s cultural hinterland. We brought it direct to your doorstep, we tried to brighten up your miserable existences….. And, this is how you repay us!!!!” Look mush, I remember you when you were Maggie’s snotty little sports minister so don’t get uppity.

There could be hundreds of reasons why people haven’t been enthused by the olympic spirit. People could be annoyed by the hype. They could be annoyed at being told what to feel. They may not like the idea of a Team GB football team or it could be that they simply can’t be bothered to get involved. People may even have had the same thoughts as Dr Brocca-Smith;

“It’s unbelievable that we are spending all this money on monuments when we cannot afford basics and we are arguing about the cost of looking after older people in care…………… The other thing is that the Olympics support elitist sport, there’s no way it will benefit the majority of people who want to get themselves a little bit fitter.”

If the organisers are looking for tangible reasons why people might not seem enthused they should have a look at the advert I saw in the window of a Colwyn Bay travel agent on Saturday;

I had to look at the advert twice because I could not believe that someone is trying to charge £329 for a package such as this; two tickets for two events that probably aren’t that popular and a ONE night stay in London. To make it even less appealing, it looks like you have to make your own way to London. The advert illustrates how some people use major events to try and make a killing.

Instead of criticising the British people the organisers should have questioned the entire logic of holding major events instead. They should question the PR-led sporting landscape in which these events take place. They should question the logic of perpetual growth, in size and quality, of the games experience.

They certainly shouldn’t be having a go at people for not joining in with the party. They shouldn’t be having a go at the British people because the British people aren’t behaving in the way the British people are depicted in London 2012’s happy-clappy promotional films. The organisers should think about all that but they won’t, they’re the kind of people who want to be appalled by the desecration of official London 2012 merchandise;